Venting I don't want to get better, I want to give up.

[Emptied_soul]

I fucked up so much in my life, made so many mistakes and took so many bad decisions that at this point I would need an incredible amount of effort (and luck) to fix my life, and I don't think I have the strength and the patience to actually do that.

I just want to give up, I don't give a fuck about anything anymore tbh, I'm just too tired to actually try to fix my life

 

[BBBB]

I completely relate; feel the exact same!

 

[Gaga786]

Same. I am just enervated fighting this battle, and all I want to do is collapse. Everyone, from my bullies to neglectful parents, have succeeded in unhinging me. Everyone is enjoying their lives,whereas I ruminate about the mistakes I made and I suffer endlessly each day. Life is far too cruel
I wish you the best

 

[AllMyDreams]

I feel like that often, too. It's one thing to fix your life for the sake of other people who still view life as valuable, but another thing to fix it for yourself when you just don't care to.

Where can one get motivation from? I know I'm capable of a lot, but all I do is sit at home on the computer, because I simply can't be bothered to challenge myself to do more. I'm almost content to waste myself away. It feels so wrong deep down but I don't see any paths that make sense given my life so far.

 

[dreamsandstares]

Same boat here. Kinda wish I could take a vacation from life for a while, tackle the problems in a better headspace. doesn't seem plausible, unfortunately.

 

[TAW122]

I feel ya, I too, am tired with life myself and oftenly I just maintain appearances not because I like nor want to, but because I would rather not raise suspicion, red flags, or cause alarm with regards to the people around me.

 

[FuneralCry]

At least to me, existence could never be worth enduring, I could personally never see it as being beneficial staying here just to suffer more and more. Your feelings are completely understandable, as it certainly can be so tiring having to continue existing.

 

[MoonlitNight]

I fucked up so much in my life, made so many mistakes and took so many bad decisions that at this point I would need an incredible amount of effort (and luck) to fix my life, and I don't think I have the strength and the patience to actually do that.

I just want to give up, I don't give a fuck about anything anymore tbh, I'm just too tired to actually try to fix my life

Usually, in posts i like to give suggestions. but this time, honestly, mood. Im just tired and wish i could begin again without neglectful parents and having more confidence in myself. The step to that feel so big now and It's so hard to push myself to try. good luck to all of us...

 

[hellispink]

I feel the same way. I have done so many mistakes. The consequences are way too heavy. And I can't anymore.

 

[Sulyya]

Willpower seems to be smaller day by day. Making a small accomplishment can improve it but it's so rare.

 

[redeyepiranha]

You're not alone, I feel the same, just want to be gone. Why is it so difficult to die? I want people to respect my position as much as I respect their

 

[bluefeather177]

I feel like that often, too. It's one thing to fix your life for the sake of other people who still view life as valuable, but another thing to fix it for yourself when you just don't care to.

Where can one get motivation from? I know I'm capable of a lot, but all I do is sit at home on the computer, because I simply can't be bothered to challenge myself to do more. I'm almost content to waste myself away. It feels so wrong deep down but I don't see any paths that make sense given my life so far.

*sigh*
Don't know if you were looking for an honest reply to that, but if you are looking for a real answer I recommend checking out Dr. K (healthygamergg) on youtube. The reason those of us glued to a computer don't want to do other things is not because we are unmotivated but HIGHLY motivated to sit at the computer all day. It's an extremely rich source of dopamine with instant access and very low risk factor. So why would we want to go do more difficult things when free dopamine is right there?
The only time I've ever felt free and genuinely truly happy was when I was doing a "dopamine detox". I worked out 5 days a week and ate better and slept 8 hours a day. But it's not sustainable for long periods of time. There was no Next Step after dopamine detox so I just fell back into bad habits. Hence why I'm here. Our world is not designed around removing yourself from the internet forever.

 

[AllMyDreams]

*sigh*
Don't know if you were looking for an honest reply to that, but if you are looking for a real answer I recommend checking out Dr. K (healthygamergg) on youtube. The reason those of us glued to a computer don't want to do other things is not because we are unmotivated but HIGHLY motivated to sit at the computer all day. It's an extremely rich source of dopamine with instant access and very low risk factor. So why would we want to go do more difficult things when free dopamine is right there?
The only time I've ever felt free and genuinely truly happy was when I was doing a "dopamine detox". I worked out 5 days a week and ate better and slept 8 hours a day. But it's not sustainable for long periods of time. There was no Next Step after dopamine detox so I just fell back into bad habits. Hence why I'm here. Our world is not designed around removing yourself from the internet forever.

That's very insightful. I do sleep 8 hours a day and eat well, don't like the gym but go for walks every day. When I go for a walk everything feels great. But soon I'm back at the computer. I'm on the spectrum too so social interaction is a bit harder for me anyway, and that makes me even less likely to try new things.

Why was there no next step for you? Because it sounds like you had acquired discipline during your detox that could be used for a job, school etc.

 

[bluefeather177]

That's very insightful. I do sleep 8 hours a day and eat well, don't like the gym but go for walks every day. When I go for a walk everything feels great. But soon I'm back at the computer. I'm on the spectrum too so social interaction is a bit harder for me anyway, and that makes me even less likely to try new things.

Why was there no next step for you? Because it sounds like you had acquired discipline during your detox that could be used for a job, school etc.

Honestly? A healthy life is just boring. I felt disconnected from my friends who all send memes on instagram to each other. I couldn't play games with friends anymore. I had less time to hang out with people because I was working, working out, cooking, etc. I felt I was sacrificing the me who I liked and thought was funny and interesting for a successful life.

The field I am (unsuccessfully) trying to go into eventually is web development. I'm trying to do online education to learn. Imagine the willpower needed to have to sit at a computer all day and be productive. I eventually cracked. It wasn't a rapid degradation but I slowly started giving myself more and more slack until the leash might as well not exist.

I have ADHD. I would also consider myself an internet and video game addict. There doesn't seem to me to be a healthy way to interact with the internet and online content for me unless I medicate, which I'm avoidant of. Almost every job (and especially every job that pays well and i think I actually Like enough to do long term) revolves around computers. I feel doomed.

It's good that you seem to have a somewhat healthy schedule. Walks are great since you are exercising and getting outside all at once. It sounds like with the right guidance you could find meaning and purpose to drive you. I wish you the best in whatever choices you make.

 

[AllMyDreams]

Honestly? A healthy life is just boring. I felt disconnected from my friends who all send memes on instagram to each other. I couldn't play games with friends anymore. I had less time to hang out with people because I was working, working out, cooking, etc. I felt I was sacrificing the me who I liked and thought was funny and interesting for a successful life.

The field I am (unsuccessfully) trying to go into eventually is web development. I'm trying to do online education to learn. Imagine the willpower needed to have to sit at a computer all day and be productive. I eventually cracked. It wasn't a rapid degradation but I slowly started giving myself more and more slack until the leash might as well not exist.

I have ADHD. I would also consider myself an internet and video game addict. There doesn't seem to me to be a healthy way to interact with the internet and online content for me unless I medicate, which I'm avoidant of. Almost every job (and especially every job that pays well and i think I actually Like enough to do long term) revolves around computers. I feel doomed.

It's good that you seem to have a somewhat healthy schedule. Walks are great since you are exercising and getting outside all at once. It sounds like with the right guidance you could find meaning and purpose to drive you. I wish you the best in whatever choices you make.

Same to you. Yeah it's possible I have ADHD/OCD instead of autism tbh (but I am socially anxious anyway). I had a job where I basically sat at a computer all day and researched/processed data. Paid well, had great benefits, but I felt like I was in a coma so I left. I feel like I need a job where I can interact with people, and where people can hold me accountable. But also where there's novelty. Because all my coworkers have such stereotypical lives and it just wouldn't be enough for me, so told myself I'd rather at least have no responsibilities and a boring life than responsibilities and a boring life.

I used to go to the gym. Then one day, I got lazy and didn't go. And that opened the floodgates and within a week I wasn't going at all anymore. This has happened a few times.

I hope you can find a job that doesn't entirely rely on computers... it'll be harder, but they're out there.

 

[killmenow99]

i feel the exact same way, as others have said as well. it's true, getting better takes effort and commitment. it is hard. it's much easier to give up. i am thinking of killing myself soon if i don't get better. my life is a complete mess right now, i have no friends, and it's so, so tempting to end it all.

 

[pharma]

I've ended up self-sabotging lately to make my life worse to increase my willingness to ctb. a part of me has given up the delusion of "getting better." so i understand. it takes more effort to change for the better and improve ourselves. its easier to just lay around and let our own darkness consumer us than to actively fight it away

 

[exsanguinated]

I fucked up so much in my life, made so many mistakes and took so many bad decisions that at this point I would need an incredible amount of effort (and luck) to fix my life, and I don't think I have the strength and the patience to actually do that.

I just want to give up, I don't give a fuck about anything anymore tbh, I'm just too tired to actually try to fix my life

same here. i tried improving myself but i keep falling in the same pit. So really. Whats the point. Whats the point to keep on going if the same thing is just going to happen again and again... failure

 

[xonnia]

I'm so right there as well, i seeked out this sight again after being ok for a few years... now i just want to die.. Life has taken the last thing i needed from me and I just can't be bothered to go through this again. I haven't been sober for over 36 hours.. just drinking bottle after bottle of jager. If it wasn't for the fact my parents would be the ones to find my body i think i'd do it.. I need to make it look like an accident so badly.. Why can't society just let us choose to die on our terms... why must we suffer so others feel better that we are "here"

 

[downndone2]

I agree, the odds just keep stacking against me. I feel like a shell of impending doom and darkness. There is no getting over my mistakes and the collapse that's followed. I ruined my life and I just want to go now.