I don't want to get better. Anyone else?

[not_a_robot]

I don't see how getting better and dying are mutually exclusive... for a long time already. At this point I'm just following habits. I guess you could call the reluctance to overwrite the behavioral patterns with more life-compatible ones as irrational...
But by better you probably meant to settle down among the living? Yeah, no. No, no, no, no, no... Actually, yes.
I want to get better by withdrawning from video games completely because they're too time-consuming and repetitive, and don't allow the flight of fantasy that movies do, and especially books. So I'll probably just live in the imaginary world while my condition allows.
I agree with the brain chemical thing. Once I took the step back and saw a bigger picture, there is no coming back.
Its like escaping successfully from a prison and and then wanting to return. Why would I want that...

My friend used to say " you're gonna die eventually anyway. why rush it?

 

[262653]

My friend used to say " you're gonna die eventually anyway. why rush it?

I often hear that phase. Often compared to how much time I spend with other people... There is probably no need to rush if you consider living to be better off than dying immediately... I'm kinda surprised to hear this from you. Are you pointing at the potential blindspot in my judgement?
I think of a jailed person who get a choice between spending 40 years here or accepting immediate release.
It's about preference, about what you want, or want to avoid more.

 

[Kringle's Curse]

Even if I were to get better, I still have no future.

Early grave for me.

 

[bigj75]

please be a troll thread! never have i heard someone want to stay in their depression and thoughts of ctb'ing.

 

[mold]

i know its better to be happy but i always manage to shoot myself down and find a way to make things negative, i dont like it but im always stuck in this endless loop

 

[End_it_all]

Not unless I could be a different person and have a different life. Which is obviously impossible. So I've made my mind up. I've had enough.

View attachment 12950

please be a troll thread! never have i heard someone want to stay in their depression and thoughts of ctb'ing.

Loool what is that thing

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

My friend used to say " you're gonna die eventually anyway. why rush it?

Eventually isn't soon enough … I don't want to spend decades more here.

 

[not_a_robot]

Eventually isn't soon enough … I don't want to spend decades more here.

my schedule is completely dependent on remaining isolated and weed. If I can stay isolated I will wait til I'm old. If I have to interact with people IRL, sooner.
If I were deprived of weed, sooner.

 

[Joannf]

That's why a lot of people feel manipulated by healthcare, what they're really uncomfortable about is determinism

The universe is rather complex compared to a planetary mammal's brain (even if Obama once described it as 'the most complex structure in the known universe' in one of his famous teleprompter speeches - a lawyer's formulation that isn't even factual). If that mammal brain were able to fully understand the goings-on in the universe, it could possibly do without concepts like 'determinism.' I have no real experiences with healthcare so far, only very superficial ones.

 

[Sunshine]

View attachment 12950

please be a troll thread! never have i heard someone want to stay in their depression and thoughts of ctb'ing.

If you actually took your time reading the thread before making a shitpost you would have seen that other people feel the same way.

 

[Kuolema]

It's hard to define what is better. My expectations are pretty high. If everything were magically perfect, then yes I'd get better. But that won't ever happen, so nah. I'm alright going down the road I'm on.

 

[TheNorthernSilence]

In a way. My mind thinks it wouldn't make a difference because the damage is already done. I have a lot hatred for myself and I can't seem to let go of my past.

 

[Susan Caswell]

Even if I had a button I could click and be happy forever, I wouldn't press it.

I don't want to get better. I am fixated on being bad and killing myself. I can't explain it. It's like a curse, so irrational. Who else feels this?

Oh I want to get better but cant get this horrific Tinnitus stopped its made me so ill deafening drilling hammering roaring for 2 years never stopped never let up I was so well cant take it have to get going somehow get off this planet its killing me don't know how one little pair of ears can cause so much noise its horrific sorry for your suffering

 

[Roger]

If you actually took your time reading the thread before making a shitpost you would have seen that other people feel the same way.

Lord, I am finding this "Ignore" button so-o-o useful !

 

[Raggas]

Yes Sunshine I agree. I really don't want to live in this world because it's always going to be a bad place. Even if I feel better.

 

[Tortured_empath]

Stockholm syndrome.

 

[puppy9]

me too, because the button doesn't exist. notion of ctb gives me peace. the world is not for the weak like me.

 

[lostangel]

Even if I had a button I could click and be happy forever, I wouldn't press it.

I don't want to get better. I am fixated on being bad and killing myself. I can't explain it. It's like a curse, so irrational. Who else feels this?

I think you I and others have became obsessed with sadness depression and suicide.Maybe that is why we dont want to get help. Like I'm always thinking about it. It consumes me. But I am thinking of getting help in the future just to see if its possible. A very small part of me believes there is a way out but if there is not, fuck it there is always a way out here anyway

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

my schedule is completely dependent on remaining isolated and weed. If I can stay isolated I will wait til I'm old. If I have to interact with people IRL, sooner.
If I were deprived of weed, sooner.

I would LOVE to be alone. I hate having to interact with people. I'm not really into weed but I get why people are … life is so shitty.

 

[freaktech]

Hmm. It's not unusual I guess. It's rather normal that neurotics don't want to get healed, to live without their condition - but rather want to experience-out their neurosis in a subjectively satisfactory way. This is in fact often what defines the condition. One of the greatest myths is that humans have "Free Will" - we are bots, following scripts, and some scripts are self-destructive. I don't feel this at all, but humans being rather brutal scavengers as well as social animals, we cannot independently function as individuals, that's just an idealized theory - we need to have an emotional relationship with the herd, and that relationship can develop into destructiveness, as the herd is hierarchical and forces individuals into predetermined positions, often causing aggressions. Intraverted types will usually turn destructive impulses against themselves, and suicidal people are mostly intraverted and highly emphatic, extraverted ones and Sociopaths tend to pick on them. Another problem is that while we believe to be rational, intelligent beings, we're rather highly emotional and extremely delusional ones who will often do anything but cope with reality. Just take this example : one of the most important 'human rights' is the right to follow entirely irrational beliefs. It's called 'religious freedom.' Let that sink in. We don't want reality, we want our subjectivity - even if it kills us.

Brilliant post,is because this a generous part of my alienation and the installation of fake and no-sense, relationships included because the shared worlds are only apparent, is forced to transfigure the inner vision of us, is all emulation proceses, there is no truth and no authenticity, and maybe i like more the chat conversations instead real ones, because i have more freedom to imagine as i like to be.

 

[bayarea]

Theres no point in getting living if youre ugly like me, you get stared at and bullied even if you try to be friends to other people. Im scared of death but dont know any other options. Even if you treat others nicely they some of them wont treat you the same way back. However there are a few people who are really nice and will not treat you differently. I want a painless 100% success option to die

 

[pole]

Even if I had a button I could click and be happy forever, I wouldn't press it.

I don't want to get better. I am fixated on being bad and killing myself. I can't explain it. It's like a curse, so irrational. Who else feels this?

Totally feel the same, but i just feel, tired? tired to try and try and hope it gets better and try and better myself. just the feeling of being exhausted and tired from it all. feeling numb and feeling nothing at all.

 

[inconsequential]

It's part of my identity at this point. I wouldn't know how to function as a, "happy, well-adjusted member of society", and I don't think I'd want to.

 

[Dreamcolleger]

Stockholm syndrome.

Good point but for some it is more complicated. Fixing mental problems/mindset still leaves me with physical problems, I don't want to feel better and stable so I'm stuck living a life that's going to have many horrible moments. Fix the physical problems and there are still the important years I've lost, and my name which I need to get back. Even if you let me redo all those years I can see many realistic ways where I would end up where I am now. And I am just tired and done. I have actually been trying to keep my mind from getting too (wrongly) positive about life for months, I don't want to get better because I don't want to lose my will and determination to CTB. I don't know if I would for sure but it is a serious concern and I don't want to risk it.

Stockholm syndrome.

Good point but for some it is more complicated. Fixing mental problems/mindset still leaves me with physical problems, I don't want to feel better and stable so I'm stuck living a life that's going to have many horrible moments. Fix the physical problems and there are still the important years I've lost, and my name which I need to get back. Even if you let me redo all those years I can see many realistic ways where I would end up where I am now. And I am just tired and done. I have actually been trying to keep my mind from getting too (wrongly) positive about life for months, I don't want to get better because I don't want to lose my will and determination to CTB. I don't know if I would for sure but it is a serious concern and I don't want to risk it.

 

[bigj75]

If you actually took your time reading the thread before making a shitpost you would have seen that other people feel the same way.

i don't care if other people feel the same way. i can't get passed people actually wanting to live in hell like we do on here.

 

[ExitTheDay]

I feel you on this, it's like the pain and suffering is never ending compared to the temporary happiness that will inevitably crash and burn

 

[HGL91]

I've worked hard to get better many times only to fall down again. I just want eternal sleep.

 

[Theon]

I would give anything to get better. But things just keep getting worse and worse.

 

[dandan]

That's alright , don't wanting to get better .... I've been there, I believe it's another stage / another frame of mind / another 'you' talking / obviously you are not homeless and probably live off the riches of your parents or your own, but maybe don't have a good job or even a job/ it's another mindset ....

And this 'mindsets' change dynamically over time... In my experience


Been there....

You either pull the trigger or you don't....


It's still your choice .....

My choice is to keep my N in my refrigerator.
And make attempt to fuck with the world by attempting to see the many many possibilities.....

Because if I could see in my mind great possible cool powerful thoughts and ideas then I might be cool

If I only see Buses and old memory's from my past ... I doom myself to feel like ctbing

Or maybe this is what I want to believe but's still bullshit, nothing has ever worked before.... I've been like this before and always crashed down after some time...

I'll just try to extend the good time, like I've said before.... I'm trying to enjoy while it last .... I dunno if I rather kill myself than being in a doimed suicidal mindset again only complaining.. ... Ctb is not easy

 

[Istanbulite]

Same here. Getting better = an invitation for another disappointment