Venting I don't wanna with to die

[alixisbonez]

I don't wanna wait anymore
Ive failed school ive failed friends and family
I still live with my grandparents they think I'm "plotting something" I don't fucking know they don't trust me I don't have any friends I have no reason to be dragging it out this long I failed every thing and the last think I wanna fail is kms

I feel words every day things get worse the ppl at the end of my bed are back I can't leave the house again I'm always on edge I hear my name or conversations abt me that are not happening and get mad at people for it even tho the conversation never even happened I can't sleep I'm so tried ive deleted all social media like twt discord snap Facebook insta thinking it would help but I feel the same probably words now because I have no sort of distraction from it all
And I can't even decide what I wanna do it has to be fast so that I don't doubt myself life before and so I don't get caught I have to be intoxicated by something literally anything so that I'm able to deal with the pain and so, that I'm I'm calm enough and can't back out because I want it I want to die but when I do it I they to back out and regret that I didn't do it while O had the chance