Help I don't understand how to vent or talk about my feelings.

[RedHotRage]

I'm gonna cut straight to the chase.

I want to vent, but I don't understand how to talk about my emotions. Let alone what they are. The only emotion I think I understand how to describe is anger.
I sometimes feel shit inside of me but I don't know how to put it out. It's like I don't even understand my own vulnerabilities.

I have a naturally big frame and am pretty muscular, involved in the army & all, and I come off as a tough guy who doesn't have to deal with shit. And I feel like this leads to people not treating me seriously, it's like if I bring up shit they assume I'll just toughen it out. I seem pretty calm and collected, and the message I got shoved down my throat in childhood is that I need to harden up and never show my feelings. Now it's like I don't even know what they are anymore.

What I'm trying to understand is:
1. How can I understand what my moods are? And I guess, get in touch with what they are besides the things I feel in my body?
2. How can I feel open enough to like, tell people about them? Even if I'm going through them, it's like there's this giant fucking barrier preventing me from leaving it onto them. It's like... I don't want to show vulnerability.

 

[whywere]

Howdy!

1st off even at the age of 67, heavens, I do not fully understand my moods. With BPD it makes it even harder, BUT...BUT through the decades what you asked in question 1 and question 2 intertwine with each other.

For me, when I get in like a depressed mood, I will sit down, close my eyes and relax my body and think of a mountain spring s waters flowing over my feet. Takes me away from thinking of depression aspect, at least somewhat and project myself elsewhere. Now when I am angry, I have learned the very hard way, to take a HUGE step back, keep my mouth shut and if nothing else, get out of the related environment and clear my head before I say or do something that I will regret. It is and never will be easy to handle emotions, never, BUT I feel one can understand enough about oneself to know when a situation or the like will trigger a response. Then take action and change the subject, scenery and take a relaxing deep breath and regroup.

Now on the 2nd question, at 67 I could give a rat's ass less what people, like at work think. I have dropped a verbal bomb before at a meeting or gathering and said "you know that I have had 2 attempts, correct?", with that said I can tell in a flash who are narrow minded and cruel and who are open and caring. Now I do not do/use this very often, but my geneses are the same as far as far as I could care less what people think. I try my damn hardest to be caring, nice and thoughtful and if someone wants to think ill of me, well there is nothing that I can do to change that and I be damned if I will let a negative person drag me down ever. Been there, done that decades ago and never again.

I am guessing that you ae much younger than I am, I really care about you and never ever anything negative from me to you ever. I do not want to know your age group, but not everyone is going to like me, or you and I have found out through the decades that wasting my time and energy trying to have conform and /or please everyone to be liked was and is a time-wasting running in place aspect that never made me happy or liked.

From reading your post many times over and really thinking about it, you remind me of myself back in the early 1970's and you are a very kind, sensitive, loving and thoughtful spirit with a huge spectrum of intelligence and kindness for the world and you.

Sending you lots of long-distance hugs and bright sunny skies, you richly deserve the best as you are one of the best and never let anyone bring you down, you are too precious for that.

Walter

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i think being able to tell others about how you're feeling also requires you to be able to tell yourself how you're feeling, if that makes sense. being able to comfortably talk with yourself about your emotions with out judgment of yourself is probably the first step towards being comfortable telling others.

as far as identifying your emotions, i struggle with this as well but probably for different reasons. although i was also told to just deal with things by myself as a child, either literally or through neglect, im also autistic and just struggle identifying what emotions i am feeling and what they are called. ive found emotion wheels/charts can help somewhat pin point what an emotion may be called for me, heres a couple of examples:

also being able to identify why you are feeling a certain way, like trying to think of possible causes or triggers, can help narrowing it down. for example, if im feeling on edge and shakey, remembering that earlier in the day i had to go outside to collect the mail may help me to identify that what im feeling is anxiety. also being able to identify how you physically feel can help to figure out what emotions you are experiencing, like feeling heavy and drained may mean depressed, feeling your face is hot and your muscles are tense may mean anger etc.

another tip could also be trying to write down whatever is going through your mind, try not to think about what you're writing, just let it flow out if you can, and then try to reflect on what you wrote to see if you can identify what possible emotions may be related to or causing those thoughts.

i hope this made sense and was somewhat helpful for you, if not i genuinely do wish you the best. there are a lot of resources available to help, im certain you will be able to find something that works for you, even if it takes a lot of trial and error.