Venting i dont think ive ever loved anyone ive dated

[ihateittoo]

I have been in two long term relationships, one was around 9 months and the other was only 5. It all happened from 10-11th grade and since then I have been single. I think I always cared about and enjoyed spending time with the people I was with but looking back I don't think I was truly in love. They just weren't that serious in the long run. When you're in high school dating is not really too important, most high school relationships dont last and everyone in one at least partially knows that.

I told everyone I dated that I loved them, but I feel like thats a lot different to truly "being in love". They all feel like meaningless high school relationships now. It feels really bad to not be able to experience love as an adult, I really want an adult relationship more than anything in my life right now. I think my looks will prevent me from ever dating again however. I get one shot at life and I have to spend it as an ugly transgender.

Im drunk again, I bought even more alcohol. I can already tell im about to start up my drinking habits again and I dont care too much. Its all I have to keep me going.

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

I get that, the same has happened to me. That's why I don't get into relationships with people anymore. I don't know why I did in the first place. I just don't feel anything. Comfortably numb. One thing I will say is try not to fall back into a drinking habit, it's one of the worst to have. Far be it from me to say that, though. Love and peace, my friend

 

[Cepheuss]

ive only loved one person i dated but they fucked me up and since then all i can do is get obsessed with people then get pissed off and detatch from them so i just stopped dating i dont wanna drag people into my issues its way too unfair but at the same time i wanna feel loved i just cant love like that