I don't think I'm as passively suicidal as I thought

[Catchingdabus27]

Maybe I've just gotten used to the idea that I'll just be alive even if I don't want to be...

But that's bullshit and giving up in a totally different way. I don't want to be alive. Its with medication or substances that I sustain any want to actually build a life and like... eh

I'm gonna start researching again. Bullshitting myself into a life isn't it and I dont wanna do this anymore.

I want to die. I don't wanna build a life. Its just fucking hard to aftually do the deed of dying but I've had enough of that kinda resistance. It doesn't equal a want to live sooo... yeee

Thats where I'm at...

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are suffering. I have also had enough of living and I see no point to me being here. I just wish that it was easier to leave. I am trapped in this world as it is so hard to exit, that is my only reason for being alive, I do not live, I just exist. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[rationaltake]

I get it. I don't understand why I'm still here.

 

[its-about-time]

Totally relate. Neglecting to ctb isn't the same as wanting to live. Life feels very stagnant in this position. Wishing you the best.