It's almost 4am. My therapy session is in 8 hours and this thought has kept me awake for the night.
I've been going through some odd feelings this month — I realized I'm apparently a lot pickier than the average person when it comes to making friends. I always felt like people don't tend to like me but lately I've been questioning how many times I've liked someone. I can't stand when someone is a hypocrite, and for some reason when someone tends to be the "friendliest" in a room I can't help but be suspicious. Not all the time obviously, but when someone is always in every conversation, somehow is friends with everyone?
I'm aware I don't sound like a good person with this. I usually try my best to avoid mean thoughts about others and always try my best to keep it to myself, but lately it's been growing on me. I really don't understand how someone people are perceived as likeable when I don't see it that way at all. Sometimes I feel like society rewards fakeness and ignoring criticism or the fact that someone might not be a good person even if they're "nice". I'm not even sure how to convey these feelings without sounding like a jealous bitch, because it's really not jealousy. Mostly confusion.
I've been going through some odd feelings this month — I realized I'm apparently a lot pickier than the average person when it comes to making friends. I always felt like people don't tend to like me but lately I've been questioning how many times I've liked someone. I can't stand when someone is a hypocrite, and for some reason when someone tends to be the "friendliest" in a room I can't help but be suspicious. Not all the time obviously, but when someone is always in every conversation, somehow is friends with everyone?
I'm aware I don't sound like a good person with this. I usually try my best to avoid mean thoughts about others and always try my best to keep it to myself, but lately it's been growing on me. I really don't understand how someone people are perceived as likeable when I don't see it that way at all. Sometimes I feel like society rewards fakeness and ignoring criticism or the fact that someone might not be a good person even if they're "nice". I'm not even sure how to convey these feelings without sounding like a jealous bitch, because it's really not jealousy. Mostly confusion.
