Story I don’t think I ever lived for myself

[CandyK__]

I'm coming to conclusion that all of my life has been spent chasing fantasies of other people, out of fear that I don't understand world and without following path someone else gave me I'll get lost. The only moments of my life I enjoyed were the ones I did to somehow rebel against those choosing my life for me. I may be happy if I am my own. There isn't a way to win life, everybody ends up in somewhat similar circumstances. I don't think I want life I had so far, even though everyone told me I wanted to be that way, and I guess for a moment I believed that was me, but I hated that version of me.

No matter what happens life will be ok, no matter who we lose, who we gain it's always fine in the end. They always told me I needed so much because I was born to such family, but I don't want any of this. When you lay down and close your eyes, it won't matter where will you be but how you will feel.

I thought that if I lived for someone else, I could die for myself, but that's ideology of martyrdom. True liberation will be just regaining my life. I think I am happy when I am myself. And this life is nt so horrible anymore.

Thanks for reading, if you have some thoughts on matter similar or somehow connected feel free to chat about it, open to talking about stuff. Hope you're having a wonderful(or at least bearable) day. Much love <3

 

[carac]

I'm a possible yes but I voted no. I am trying to live for myself but unconsciously I still feel the constraints of living for others. I'm not sure it's something I can change, I think I'm just a people pleaser as are many in this predicament. I need to learn to say no and lose my fear of dissapointing people. I was listening to Gabor Mate yesterday and he was saying that it's when you start to say no that you find out who your true friends are. Although for me it would be nice to have some friends first to say no to.

 

[BurgundySnap]

Hello, CandyK__

I feel that, through this life, I have lived only for others and not for myself. As if everything was a performance to not to make others upset, so they would not shut me out. My parents decided my school journey for me, and my friends decided what we talked about.
Looking at other people who can live for themselves, it feels like watching someone from an alien planet.
It gave me this burning sensation, only figuratively, in myself. I might envy them!

When I was diagnosed with this disease, I started acting for myself. It felt selfish, and I realize it is because I knew no other way to live until now. Some of my friends have left, and I realize it is because they would decide what we did, and I lived for them. It made me more comfortable to try to act for myself.
Being in a place like this forum allows me to choose who I talk to, and a "small" choice like that gives me so much freedom that I think a lot of people take for granted.

All in the end, you would have lived a life, and that is what it will be. A life, not your life. It is hard to think about taking control, everything else feels like a great unknown.
If you could be yourself, maybe you would have a life you could fully call your own.

Thank you for posting this topic, CandyK__
Take care

 

[CandyK__]

I'm a possible yes but I voted no. I am trying to live for myself but unconsciously I still feel the constraints of living for others. I'm not sure it's something I can change, I think I'm just a people pleaser as are many in this predicament. I need to learn to say no and lose my fear of dissapointing people. I was listening to Gabor Mate yesterday and he was saying that it's when you start to say no that you find out who your true friends are. Although for me it would be nice to have some friends first to say no to.

It's often hard to find anyone, even when we're saying yes to all.
It feels like we have so much to give, with no body to take, in truth there is no one to ran after some people.
All we can do is hope that everything will eventually come, that's the tragedy of life. Waiting for world to recognize that we've changed.

I feel that, through this life, I have lived only for others and not for myself. As if everything was a performance to not to make others upset, so they would not shut me out. My parents decided my school journey for me, and my friends decided what we talked about.

Yeah, I have similar experiences.

All in the end, you would have lived a life, and that is what it will be. A life, not your life. It is hard to think about taking control, everything else feels like a great unknown.
If you could be yourself, maybe you would have a life you could fully call your own.

It's so easy to give up control, the path of least resistance. A way to live your life is to first know how are you, and then how you will be yourself out in the world. Maybe because of the way we are it's more along with instinct to just give up, still that's a fallacy as giving up control is same as giving up your life.

Thank you for posting this topic, CandyK__
Take care

Your welcome. <3
Take care, as well

 

[BurgundySnap]

It's often hard to find anyone, even when we're saying yes to all.
It feels like we have so much to give, with no body to take, in truth there is no one to ran after some people.
All we can do is hope that everything will eventually come, that's the tragedy of life. Waiting for world to recognize that we've changed.


Yeah, I have similar experiences.


It's so easy to give up control, the path of least resistance. A way to live your life is to first know how are you, and then how you will be yourself out in the world. Maybe because of the way we are it's more along with instinct to just give up, still that's a fallacy as giving up control is same as giving up your life.


Your welcome. <3
Take care, as well

CandyK__, your words are so profound. I don't know what else to say. Thank you so much for understanding this, and thank you so much for your words on this topic you brought up. I will think about this for a while.