Ryemi
Jealous of the dead
- Apr 3, 2023
- 52
Um.. it's been a while since I've come here. Last time I had the same handle both here and other place, including ig, and someone or two ppl texted me in ig and other social acc.. I know I'm fucking dumb as shit; But that's not why I've come here, I don't wanna attempt but I've been feeling some pain, to the point that I don't wanna do anything but I need to force myself cuz I need something to feel better of myself in order to be happy. I have a Dad, but he isn't my dad at the same time? Like he's always absent, he only cares about other things like the TV to watch sports or just comes to visit my mom (ofc). But I can't ever do anything with him because either there's a fight or he can't attend. He has never went to something important for me like birthdays (just two when i was a kid), my first concert, my ballet recitals, graduations, nothing man. He get mad to everything I do or say, Idk what I do. I just needed a dad; I don't feel like I have friends, I've always wanted to like go to the beach while staying in the car and playing guitar and singing, maybe go paint, idk like an actual "activity", maybe I'm being unrealistic but you get my point. But idk everyone only likes drinking, smoking and partying. I don't judge a person who does cuz I'm clean of nicotine for two months now after years, but it's only that what they like to do, idk if you get me? My mom says that make ppl uncomfortable, that that's why everyone leaves me, that if she was another person she also would've left me, put me on the spot so ppl judge me, honestly I feel like my family hates me cuz I'm always the problem says my mom, I'm always the sensitive one, I'm always the one who gets blamed, the one who's said something wrong or felt too much… idk what to think nor do. Everyone has me confused, it's like I'm in a middle point trying to decide but can't. I feel like everything I do somehow is always wrong. I'm always the issue. I'm to the point that I think I'm a bad person and maybe I am idk but I never meant to if I ever was. I'm sorry if I wrote too much or if doesn't make sense, I just needed this out but maybe it's badly written too because, idk.. I feel like, I wanna overshare how I feel, but at the same time not wanting to say anything about it cuz I know this is stupid, I'm just being sensitive over something so little
