Venting I don’t know what to think anymore

[HeartThatFeeds]

I would of never in my wildest dreams think I would be posting something here, but it needs to be said.

Ever since I was a little kid I have struggled with my mental health, my first attempt to CTB I remember was probably around ten, and when puberty hit everything just got worse, I have been suffering for so long, unmediated and without the proper therapies I need. I could say that I'm making progress now but It doesn't feel like that, I'm an adult and still no changes have been made since I was 16 and had my first attempt that actually lead me to the hospital, that was the first time the mental health services actually did something to try to get me help, but even then nothing is changing, the system has failed me and I still have these feelings and I don't think anything is will get better

I'm stuck in a limbo and I know that anytime I try to CTB that It won't work out, I'm too impulsive to make a big plan or anything, I'm just hoping something happens that's so painful that It will fight the urge to resist for me and I can finally rest

 

[SkippingRope]

I didn't know I would ever join this forum
It must've been hurtful to feel that way. It's so sad people only start to realize there's something wrong when serious things happen. But when they're around it seams like they only want the 'visible' suffering to go away to stop caring the moment we say 'it's fine'.
I've never tried to ctb in my entire life, but there are episodes in my life where I have thoughts like: it wouldn't mind disappearing. They're not really strong, but I don't want to have them. I do want to live and experience life. But now it seems like everything I do, I do it alone. I have some 'friends', but I only feel stuck with them.
I've never had a great 'long-term' friend online to chat with every day what's going on or to simply say: you've got it, go and make it a reality, it's in your hands (you know, the words of encouragement)
Well, if you want to talk, I'm really open to have a conversation, or maybe even to form an 'online-friendship'. No pressure, but so you know, I'm a good listener and would love to try my best to make your days better

I didn't know I would ever join this forum
It must've been hurtful to feel that way. It's so sad people only start to realize there's something wrong when serious things happen. But when they're around it seams like they only want the 'visible' suffering to go away to stop caring the moment we say 'it's fine'.
I've never tried to ctb in my entire life, but there are episodes in my life where I have thoughts like: it wouldn't mind disappearing. They're not really strong, but I don't want to have them. I do want to live and experience life. But now it seems like everything I do, I do it alone. I have some 'friends', but I only feel stuck with them.
I've never had a great 'long-term' friend online to chat with every day what's going on or to simply say: you've got it, go and make it a reality, it's in your hands (you know, the words of encouragement)
Well, if you want to talk, I'm really open to have a conversation, or maybe even to form an 'online-friendship'. No pressure, but so you know, I'm a good listener and would love to try my best to make your days better

*I wouldn't mind

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring feeling trapped in that situation, but anyway best wishes, it's such a cruel existence where people have to suffer so much.