Venting I don't know what to do

[toadpoison]

I don't know at this point what's right. About 7 months ago I left the mental hospital. I really tried to get better and I was. I got diagnosed with ADHD, Major depressive disorder and a normal anxiety disorder. For the first time I was actually getting what I needed for those things aswell. But I can't get this feeling of tired off of me. I've been holding myself together my my chest always is aching and I feel like I'm gonna cry all the time but can't. I tried to stop taking my meds and forgot how paranoid I am. Im starting to think maybe things really don't get better. I watch everyone I love slowly get worse and go twords death I mean I can't escape it either. I don't know if I believe in the Bible or not and saying that makes me terrified because what if it is and I'm condemned myself. I want to find peace. I feel as long as I live I won't find it because of the inevitable death i can't forget about. I don't know if im an attention seeker or if I really want to die. I just want to be happy and not worry about how the world is and everyone and everything I love eventually ending. But it's just the truth. My memory is getting worse as the days go and I don't know what's happening half the time. I fear if I forget it was it really real? Is anyone real? Or does it even matter because all I will ever experience is being me and this pov. What can I do to escape this. I'm just tired and I worry my life means nothing and weather I die now or in 100 years won't matter because I won't remember it when I die. Is speaking happiness worth it? Or can I just get over this fear constantly haunting me.

 

[DeathPaloma]

I am sorry you feel this way, but also I don't know how to help. Cause I don't know what to do with myself either.

 

[mehdone]

Get back on your meds. :)
Beyond that, yeah, life is hard. All I want is peace, too.

 

[MarkSmith73]

I don't know at this point what's right. About 7 months ago I left the mental hospital. I really tried to get better and I was. I got diagnosed with ADHD, Major depressive disorder and a normal anxiety disorder. For the first time I was actually getting what I needed for those things aswell. But I can't get this feeling of tired off of me. I've been holding myself together my my chest always is aching and I feel like I'm gonna cry all the time but can't. I tried to stop taking my meds and forgot how paranoid I am. Im starting to think maybe things really don't get better. I watch everyone I love slowly get worse and go twords death I mean I can't escape it either. I don't know if I believe in the Bible or not and saying that makes me terrified because what if it is and I'm condemned myself. I want to find peace. I feel as long as I live I won't find it because of the inevitable death i can't forget about. I don't know if im an attention seeker or if I really want to die. I just want to be happy and not worry about how the world is and everyone and everything I love eventually ending. But it's just the truth. My memory is getting worse as the days go and I don't know what's happening half the time. I fear if I forget it was it really real? Is anyone real? Or does it even matter because all I will ever experience is being me and this pov. What can I do to escape this. I'm just tired and I worry my life means nothing and weather I die now or in 100 years won't matter because I won't remember it when I die. Is speaking happiness worth it? Or can I just get over this fear constantly haunting me.

I hit rock bottom several years ago and things always get better. But even if they don't I won't let my 15 year old be in a world without her father. I can promise you one thing 100%. There is no hell and God doesn't judge us. But it does matter that no matter how bad things seem or get that you don't give up! When your time eventually comes to cross over you'll have no regrets because you didn't give up and gave it your all. There is light at the end of the tunnel. The hard thing is we can't see it from this earth but it's there. And once we've completed our lifetime we don't have to come back here again. It's all just a difficult learning experience but you will pass the test.