AshenSwan
Member
- Jul 29, 2026
- 6
Every single day is just pure torture and i have no idea how do i finally set myself free from all of this, for most of the time i wanted to hang or strangle myself but i struggle a lot with finding the right arteries, i think i only managed to find them once and the feeling of them being supressed was so bad i stopped trying. I guess i could stand a little bit of that pain or whatever is that but what gives me doubts is how complicated it is for me to find them and supress them hard enough too. Another idea was sn, i could have basically everything ready except of the antiemetics theyre not only too expensive for me to afford but way too hard to get too, i also considered drowning but it seems too painful, jumping off somewhere high but im yet to find a spot, theres no high buildings in my town so i'll have to make quite a lot of research about any nearby i could get on, how high should it be for me to die? Laying on train tracks i also considered this too but im not sure about it. I just cant find a way that would make me sure i die and didnt need much effort, really, going to a whole different town and going up somewhere high is too much for a depressed folk like me. Obviously if i actually found one i would, but for now, meh. Am i just making excuses because im lazy? Probably. But im very lost. I dont know why but i struggle with thinking a lot and its so hard to consider any way to ctb because of that, it became so overwhelming my brain starts to mentally hurt and i just cant think of anything unless i focus hard. Anyone ever experienced this too? Its been years and i feel like my brain is dying itself and forcing me to smash it all the time
