Help I don't know what to do about this anxiety that is consuming me. Please help me. Please boost. I'm desperate.

[beyondbreath]

I've done everything right. I saw the therapists and counselors and did the group therapy. I did CBT, I was an inpatient, I have taken many different meds, prayer, but I still suffer every single day from anxiety. I SUFFER. And people, the system, doesn't care because I'm functional. Because I can get up and go to work, and clean myself and eat, I'm not a priority. I'm a "success".


Why isn't my suffering something that matters??? I'm working and I got a diploma and a degree, and I get up every day. So therefore, it just doesn't count I guess. The fact that deep inside anxiety continues to destroy me despite the use of "coping strategies" is swept under the rug. It's hell. And I have to push it all down until it all boils over once every whatever number of months and I have a small breakdown over something and just can't do it anymore. Then I get up and go to work the next day. And there's no support.


The system isn't about helping us. It isn't about ending our suffering. It's about making sure we are ready to go, cogs in the machine. Are you able to fulfill your expected role? Then you don't get any help, unless you can pay for outside help (Ontario health insurance covers very little mental health service). Sit down, shut up, and work. We don't care about your tears.


Guys, what am I supposed to do? It's killing me silently. Anxiety is just killing me. And any help I try to get is just the same rehashed bullshit over and over again. It feels like only a lobotomy can help me at this point. I'm 28. I live on my own, I work, I am alive somehow. God, I'm alive. But I can't handle this on my own. But there's no help because I'm functional and not about to step off a tall building.

 

[hoppybunny]

I've done everything right. I saw the therapists and counselors and did the group therapy. I did CBT, I was an inpatient, I have taken many different meds, prayer, but I still suffer every single day from anxiety. I SUFFER. And people, the system, doesn't care because I'm functional. Because I can get up and go to work, and clean myself and eat, I'm not a priority. I'm a "success".


Why isn't my suffering something that matters??? I'm working and I got a diploma and a degree, and I get up every day. So therefore, it just doesn't count I guess. The fact that deep inside anxiety continues to destroy me despite the use of "coping strategies" is swept under the rug. It's hell. And I have to push it all down until it all boils over once every whatever number of months and I have a small breakdown over something and just can't do it anymore. Then I get up and go to work the next day. And there's no support.


The system isn't about helping us. It isn't about ending our suffering. It's about making sure we are ready to go, cogs in the machine. Are you able to fulfill your expected role? Then you don't get any help, unless you can pay for outside help (Ontario health insurance covers very little mental health service). Sit down, shut up, and work. We don't care about your tears.


Guys, what am I supposed to do? It's killing me silently. Anxiety is just killing me. And any help I try to get is just the same rehashed bullshit over and over again. It feels like only a lobotomy can help me at this point. I'm 28. I live on my own, I work, I am alive somehow. God, I'm alive. But I can't handle this on my own. But there's no help because I'm functional and not about to step off a tall building.

Gosh so sorry you're going through this. I'm also someone with anxiety that *was functional. I wish i could offer real advice. But all i can offer is my well wishes.

It's a shame that ppl don't care about ppl who are suffering in silence. They only care when you're actively suicidal or no longer functioning cause now you are a burden or can no longer contribute your labour.

If you don't mind sharing, could you dhare what kind of anxiety you have? Also have the healthcare professionals checked to make sure what you're experiencing is truly anxiety and not anxiety as a symptom of something else like adhd, or even like arhytmia or something? Not to dismiss your efforts that you've tried everything.

 

[Wolf-Alice]

Maybe you're doing too much and focusing too much on productivity? Sorry if this is all redundant, but spending time with nature or with simple hobbies/games can be soothing. Things that turn your brain off for a while.
Maybe involving yourself with group volunteering work (I went gardening for example) can help by making you feel connected to others and doing something to achieve a straightforward goal.
Wishing you all the best. I hope you can also find pride in your strength and independence. Many people can't sustain themselves, and no support can change that.