Help I don’t know how to balance the hustle-bustle versus living in the moment. What do I do?

[emptyenvelopes]

I'm not happy with my job and I'm not happy being single. I know I am the only one who can change my circumstances. I've spent months hunting for new jobs and on dating apps, but with nothing to show for it.

I'm feeling so burnt out and want to just stop, but if I do I'll be stuck in my miserable present circumstances. I do my know what to do. If I stop trying to improve my life circumstances, I won't get better. But these constant dead ends with work and relationships is tearing me apart.

Enjoying the little things hasn't worked because then I feel bad for wasting time I could have spend being productive in my job and relationship hunt. All my mind/body can focus on is these life goals I haven't met.

What do I do?

 

[Looking]

It's primarily about reframing your mindset.

The way I do it is this:
Have the initial negative thought -> Try and "logic" and "objective" my way out of it first (as that's easier for me) -> Acceptance -> Do the thing

As an example:

Initial negative thought: I feel like I could be doing something differently than playing games or enjoying this TV show.

"Objective"/"logic" followup: You enjoying the little things isn't wasting time - it's what you need to fuel yourself. You keep trying to start your car with an empty tank and keep wondering why the car won't turn on. Even with the dashboard flashing that you're low on gas, it feels confusing. You enjoying things will help you go into work tomorrow. You doing something fun will give you something to talk about that day. It might be exciting enough to put on your dating profile (depending what it is).

Acceptance: You need to give yourself permission to enjoy things in life because they bring you joy. There's no other reason to enjoy something - you enjoy it, and you deserve to enjoy things. If you feel like others deserve to feel happy, so should you. It's okay to enjoy things.

It doesn't always work for me, but it does for a good decent amount of time. You just need to find your own formula of challenging those thoughts. It's a long battle at the start, but it's worth it.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

It's primarily about reframing your mindset.

The way I do it is this:
Have the initial negative thought -> Try and "logic" and "objective" my way out of it first (as that's easier for me) -> Acceptance -> Do the thing

As an example:

Initial negative thought: I feel like I could be doing something differently than playing games or enjoying this TV show.

"Objective"/"logic" followup: You enjoying the little things isn't wasting time - it's what you need to fuel yourself. You keep trying to start your car with an empty tank and keep wondering why the car won't turn on. Even with the dashboard flashing that you're low on gas, it feels confusing. You enjoying things will help you go into work tomorrow. You doing something fun will give you something to talk about that day. It might be exciting enough to put on your dating profile (depending what it is).

Acceptance: You need to give yourself permission to enjoy things in life because they bring you joy. There's no other reason to enjoy something - you enjoy it, and you deserve to enjoy things. If you feel like others deserve to feel happy, so should you. It's okay to enjoy things.

It doesn't always work for me, but it does for a good decent amount of time. You just need to find your own formula of challenging those thoughts. It's a long battle at the start, but it's worth it.

I remember you. It's been a long time. I hope you're okay.

 

[Looking]

I remember you. It's been a long time. I hope you're okay.

I hadn't realized anyone would remember me, counting I didn't post too much. I appreciate it though. I'm doing okay, I hope you're doing okay too.

 

[Linda]

I'm not happy with my job and I'm not happy being single. I know I am the only one who can change my circumstances. I've spent months hunting for new jobs and on dating apps, but with nothing to show for it.

I'm feeling so burnt out and want to just stop, but if I do I'll be stuck in my miserable present circumstances. I do my know what to do. If I stop trying to improve my life circumstances, I won't get better. But these constant dead ends with work and relationships is tearing me apart.

Enjoying the little things hasn't worked because then I feel bad for wasting time I could have spend being productive in my job and relationship hunt. All my mind/body can focus on is these life goals I haven't met.

What do I do?

I think you have two options:
(1) Carry on with what you have been doing, and hope it eventually gets you a job and/or partner; or.
(2) Abandon all that, and strike out in some completely new direction. I have no idea what direction might suit you, but you might.