Venting I don't know how I'm still functioning....

[ScorpiusDragon]

It boggles my mind that I still manage to wake up everyday. I honestly can't believe I haven't been fired from my job yet. Earlier this June, I took the LSAT (law school admissions test) with almost no studying because my depression killed my motivation. I spent much more time researching suicide methods than I spent studying for the LSAT, and I somehow still managed to score a 162 (which is in the 85th percentile). Probably not high enough to get into the top tier law schools, but I'm surprised my brain is even functioning.
My boyfriend knows about my depression (though he doesn't know how bad my suicidal thoughts have been). He is trying to be positive because he seems to think all I need to "get better" are daily pep talks. He says things like, "Look at your LSAT score. Sure it wasn't the best it could've been, but you already managed to score higher than 85% of test takers. You graduated from one of the best Ivy League schools in the nation. With a little bit more studying, you'll definitely get a top score and be able to get into a top law school. And we'll be able to build a happy life together." He doesn't seem to understand that the LSAT and law school are the last things on my mind now because my most clearly thought-out plans are not my plans for law school but my plans for suicide.

 

[dandan]

Aaaaw we are many feeling bad and somehow you are going through something very special, a relationship and silence about ctb, planning as been in my life for years and in those years I've had good times and my mom is happy.
From what I read you are like also living like me, with ctb plans hidden from family, I've already told them I will, just don't know where or when.
Let's try to enjoy the day , dont we?