Venting i don’t get why i can’t get N as an ugly, mentally ill woman

[saturn1ne]

Do you look anything like your avatar picture? That would be far from ugly, speaking as a man.

no, sadly :/

 

[Oreki]

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[DeathWish3301]

I'm sorry for the pain you're in. People do judge based on appearance. Physical attraction is relevant. It's superficial, but that's the way we're wired as humans.

That being said, @Roseate questioned how you know you're "ugly"? This is something to think about. If you have low self esteem or any issues relating to body dysmorphia, this could impact how you see yourself. Something to consider.

Just as an example, I've known many women who were absolutely stunning but they were bigger, objectively. They had low self esteem as a result. But there are so many dudes into women on the bigger side. Weight is simply preference, I've always preferred curvy women.

If it bothers you as much as it does, you could always post on "looks maxing" forums for suggestions on how to improve your appearance. The same looks and style work great for some, and not for others. This is true for both genders. Constructive criticism and feedback could be helpful.

 

[saturn1ne]

I'm sorry for the pain you're in. People do judge based on appearance. Physical attraction is relevant. It's superficial, but that's the way we're wired as humans.

That being said, @Roseate questioned how you know you're "ugly"? This is something to think about. If you have low self esteem or any issues relating to body dysmorphia, this could impact how you see yourself. Something to consider.

Just as an example, I've known many women who were absolutely stunning but they were bigger, objectively. They had low self esteem as a result. But there are so many dudes into women on the bigger side. Weight is simply preference, I've always preferred curvy women.

If it bothers you as much as it does, you could always post on "looks maxing" forums for suggestions on how to improve your appearance. The same looks and style work great for some, and not for others. This is true for both genders. Constructive criticism and feedback could be helpful.

i'm skinny so weight is not an issue. i already listed how i know i'm ugly. i've already tried looksmaxxing but it's pointless when you're genuinely, irreparably ugly. surgery can't save my face. i could get to like mid at best maybe. not to mention, i don't have the money for surgery anyway. and i have certain features that can't be fixed through surgery.

i even edited a photo of myself to see how i'd look if i got certain procedures done and the result was…underwhelming, to say the least. i was still ugly.

 

[DeathWish3301]

i'm skinny so weight is not an issue. i already listed how i know i'm ugly. i've already tried looksmaxxing but it's pointless when you're genuinely, irreparably ugly. surgery can't save my face. i could get to like mid at best maybe.

Sorry, I was trying to be helpful. I didn't want to blantly lie for the sake of comfort.

The majority of people of both genders are 'mid', that's what average is.

Surgeries are always an option, it is something. Apologies that I couldn't be of more assistance.

 

[DeathWish3301]

if you have money, yes. i don't.

Ok

 

[saturn1ne]

Ok

sorry if i came off rude, am just sleep deprived

 

[DeathWish3301]

sorry if i came off rude, am just sleep deprived

I appreciate the apology. Thank you.

 

[violetforever]

Do you look anything like your avatar picture? That would be far from ugly, speaking as a man.

thats lana del rey

 

[L'appel Du Vide]

The harsh simple answer is that it's not common enough for poor appearance and bullying to cause debilitating mental illness. And the way society plays out is through generalities or averages, not case by case basis where we are all treated individually. Average ugly folk are able to cope well enough to not seek death over it. The ones who also have more extreme problems are probably going to be sympathetic to the suffering but not understanding of your extent. The ones who don't struggle with it aren't going to get it often enough to form consensus that it is a terminal condition on a broader society-wide scale. That is what it usually takes for policies and social norms to support or accept the right to die. Folks tend to want it to either be something that was already going to kill you or totally unmanageable extreme suffering. I'm sympathetic and pro-choice but even I don't fully understand this viewpoint or conclusion. I would be so grateful if these were the only (or just the most pressing) reasons for me to want to end life.

 

[makebelieve]

So real.. i feel like any sort of self improvement doesn't matter since i'm still stuck in my ugly body and face..

 

[saturn1ne]

I would be so grateful if these were the only (or just the most pressing) reasons for me to want to end life.

oh i have other wonderful reasons lol. a bunch of amazing mental illnesses that make my life a living hell. one of them i even mentioned in this post; social anxiety so debilitating i can't even work. i can't even leave the house on my own.

you'd understand if you were ugly though (and i mean genuinely ugly/deformed like i am, not just slightly overweight or whatever). it negatively affects every single aspect of your life. it's absolutely a reason to want to ctb on its own, mental illness aside. i'd much, much rather be attractive and still keep my mental illnesses than be of perfectly sound mind and ugly. that's how bad it is. because as a woman, your looks and youth determine your whole worth as a human being.

 

[Daphne]

Idk I guess I just never seen it that way granted I wasn't bullied or anything but I've never really received attention but I don't think of myself as ugly and I'm pretty average but I wonder if it's like a lack of compliments? Cuz people bully pretty people all the time for their looks.. that's not enough cuz people pick on the pretty all the time.

Those gals have a lot of options in life but it's not as easy as it seems. I've had a few perfect 10 friends who hated being gawked at by men and bullied by jealous women. They were able to overcome that nuisance however by having surplus career and dating opportunities through influential men.
But then they'd get decision fatigue and that is stressful in a different way. They had too many options to choose from and have nervous breakdowns over that. Also, too much male attention could lead to possessiveness and stalking.
The grass wasn't always greener but I think their lives are definitely better than those of us with few or no options.

 

[Oreki]

oh i have other wonderful reasons lol. a bunch of amazing mental illnesses that make my life a living hell. one of them i even mentioned in this post; social anxiety so debilitating i can't even work. i can't even leave the house on my own.

you'd understand if you were ugly though (and i mean genuinely ugly/deformed like i am, not just slightly overweight or whatever). it negatively affects every single aspect of your life. it's absolutely a reason to want to ctb on its own, mental illness aside. i'd much, much rather be attractive and still keep my mental illnesses than be of perfectly sound mind and ugly. that's how bad it is. because as a woman, your looks and youth determine your whole worth as a human being.

Even if I could choose to be among the most attractive people in the world, it wouldn't mean anything to me. I would still feel deeply unhappy, because the problem isn't my appearance, it's the simulation I'm living in. Nonetheless, life wouldn't become more lovable to me.

I don't want my worth to be defined by my appearance, my productivity, my career success, or by having power over other people. I don't want any of that.

 

[saturn1ne]

Even if I could choose to be among the most attractive people in the world, it wouldn't mean anything to me. I would still feel deeply unhappy, because the problem isn't my appearance, it's the simulation I'm living in. Nonetheless, life wouldn't become more lovable to me.

I don't want my worth to be defined by my appearance, my productivity, my career success, or by having power over other people. I don't want any of that.

i totally get that. even if i was reborn as aphrodite herself, even if i was perfection incarnate, i'd still ctb at like 25-28. i don't see the point in living a long life, honestly. i'm an antinatalist/efilist, life just isn't appealing to me. but it'd def be more bearable if i were attractive.

 

[jengablocks]

it is really strange and sad that something as weirdly arbitrary as how someone is shaped matters so much. i hope i dont misrepresent the information but i think there have been lots of studies that point towards the same conclusion of attractive ppl being treated better across the entire spectrum of humanity. like it literally applied to infants and babies, too. so when someone is reduced to nothing except for that attractiveness, i think it's undeniable to describe ur experience as being treated as less than human as someone who doesnt meet the standard . and some ppl here have already talked abt how it isn't realy much easier for women who do ... its just a different type of dehumanization .

im aromantic or asexual or ... something . neurodivergent at least, i know i dont make eye contact unless im forced to . so ppl in my mind are just equal to the words they say to me. ive always been a bit resentful of ppl only forming intimate relationships seemingly based on who u are attracted to . people are full of so much more than that !! but it feels like we are trapped by & beholden to the limited oversight of evolution

 

[pelicanportal]

another day being ugly in this punishment life

"men will fuck anything it doesnt matter how you look, stop obsessing!" this does not help. i dont even want to attract men. id like to not want to kill myself every time i have to see a mirror

 

[lawlietsph]

another day being ugly in this punishment life

"men will fuck anything it doesnt matter how you look, stop obsessing!" this does not help. i dont even want to attract men. id like to not want to kill myself every time i have to see a mirror

THIS. why do people keep thinking that we want to be pretty for men
no, we just want basic fucking confidence and harmony with ourselves :(

 

[saturn1ne]

THIS. why do people keep thinking that we want to be pretty for men
no, we just want basic fucking confidence and harmony with ourselves :(

real real real

 

[Roseate]

1. i have eyes. i don't look even close to the beauty standard for women.
2. i've been told many times to my face and online.
3. i've never been in a romantic relationship. no guy has ever been genuinely interested in me. i'm just sorta seen as an option, a placeholder for a pretty girl. they don't really try with me.
4. i have attractive friends and the difference in how we're treated is night and day.
5. i've never been called beautiful or hot or whatever. cute at most and even then it sounded like they were just pitying me.
6. i have an underbite + recessed maxilla. that automatically means i'm below average. i could list out all my features but i'm sleep deprived rn lol. basically, none of them match the beauty standard for women.
7. people treat me like a nuisance everywhere i go. they're annoyed by my very existence. they also snicker sometimes or look like they're holding back a laugh. in general, people are just very rude to me. i was only ever treated like a human being while wearing a covid mask. i even got told that i should keep the mask on lol.

exactly this. men only consider attractive women..well, women.

not really. i'm constantly, painfully aware of how ugly i am because of my fucked up jaw and teeth. i'm forced to feel it constantly and nothing ever distracts me enough that i forget.

yep. sadly you're right. we're society's punching bag.

this. i tried to focus on other things, thinking i can make up for my bad looks in other ways. sadly, that's a privilege reserved for men only. us women are nothing more than our looks and our whole worth is determined by our age and appearance.

But

Those gals have a lot of options in life but it's not as easy as it seems. I've had a few perfect 10 friends who hated being gawked at by men and bullied by jealous women. They were able to overcome that nuisance however by having surplus career and dating opportunities through influential men.
But then they'd get decision fatigue and that is stressful in a different way. They had too many options to choose from and have nervous breakdowns over that. Also, too much male attention could lead to possessiveness and stalking.
The grass wasn't always greener but I think their lives are definitely better than those of us with few or no options.

i guess I've just never really cared about male attention so it doesn't bother me that I've never been asked out cuz most men nowadays are cowards and aren't really straight forward or bold. And many people have few options. Have you seen the dating pool? More than half of these relationships are toxic asf and they stay cuz they're afraid to be alone.

 

[cluefixphantom]

They don't give out nebutal/sodium pendobarbital but they use methods to
use disabled ugly women as cattle for the Psychology-Industry. I think they get more money out of us if we are still alive especially as organ traffickers and if they can use us as laborslaves for dirty jobs too.

Right now, my internet provider, Amazon, and my landlord are making money from me.

 

[Manfrotto99]

There is no worse fate than being an introverted homely female born into a shitty family. We learn our place early. We are mistreated by our mothers and ignored by our fathers. It affects every facet of our lives, not just being unable to find a mate. It doesn't matter how kind or helpful we are, It doesn't matter how hard we work to be able to support ourselves, we are overlooked, mocked, and/or used as a scapegoat or pawn. Unattractive males are not judged so harshly and are afforded more opportunities for gainful employment and can usually find a mate, since women are less hung up on looks than men are.

The reason we can't just check out at will is because society needs scapegoats to blame and feel superior to. We are the easiest bullying targets. Bullies need us to absorb their negative energy. We go away, they get frustrated and go into withdrawals because they get dopamine supply from us.

So sorry sister, it's never going to happen. We at least have free agency to take ourselves out, challenging as that may be. If there is a will, there is a way.

Just the ones you notice. Plain Janes disappear into the wallpaper

You are probably a great guy. But as a guy there are biological things you can't help, like wanting attractive women and not noticing the unattractive ones. It's not your fault, you mean well.

Not speaking for the OP, but as an older woman who has been esthetically challenged her whole life post-puberty I can speak to this.
It's when you go out and guys dont see you. It's when gal pals love going to bars, clubs, etc. with you because they look prettier than they actually are compared to you. I can't tell you how many times I inadvertently helped my friends find boyfriends, even husbands. I should have charged a fee!
It's when you have a great rapport with guys online and when you meet, they run for the hills. Or hide in the bushes and stand you up. Countless times this has happened.
Then you say screw it, I'll just put all my energy into my career. You soon find out that no matter how hard you work, how much education/certifications you earn, your qualifications are overlooked while jobs and promotions go to the lesser qualified but better looking candidate. The older you get the harder it is because you haven't been able to establish yourself like most people.
Then to add insult to injury, your mother remarries and replaces you with the stepdaughter she didn't raise because that gal is stunning and living the American dream with a husband and kids. Now your mother has the grandchildren you were unable to provide. Doesn't matter you have more time to help her in her old age, you are discarded because she's ashamed of you and image means everything.
No, it's not just perception, this is a real phenomenon.

There is no worse fate than being an introverted homely female born into a shitty family - wow that me spot on and it's so true!

people despise us anyway. they want girls who look like me dead anyway. nobody wants ugly girls around. so why can't i apply for assisted suicide? why is that so controversial? people don't even consider me human, let alone female. if all ugly girls were somehow wiped off the face of the earth, everyone would celebrate. nobody wants us here. so why am i forced to keep going? i don't even contribute to society. i'm unemployed due to my disability (social anxiety that i developed because of all the bullying i went through BECAUSE of my face and body). again, why can't i apply for assisted suicide when the world wants me dead? i hate it here.

I think it is because the world does not want us dead - they want us alive to gawk and make fun at. Us ugly women make even the slightly pretty ones look even more attractive.

 

[fluorescentpearl]

If I could I'd kms in public, show them how ugly I can really get, after everything people have put me through, I'd look them in the eyes and let's see how badly you hate me now, it can't get any worse regardless, my family can't even look me in the eyes because I'm so hideous that it hurts their soul, I wish it was not seen as superficial to care about your own looks, if I was prettier and skinnier maybe id be liked by anyone at all

 

[YourLocalEdgelord]

if I was prettier and skinnier maybe id be liked by anyone at all

It probably won't cheer you up, but I'm pretty and skinny(-ish) and nobody likes me. Sorry about your family :(

 

[Mgelanie]

people despise us anyway. they want girls who look like me dead anyway. nobody wants ugly girls around. so why can't i apply for assisted suicide? why is that so controversial? people don't even consider me human, let alone female. if all ugly girls were somehow wiped off the face of the earth, everyone would celebrate. nobody wants us here. so why am i forced to keep going? i don't even contribute to society. i'm unemployed due to my disability (social anxiety that i developed because of all the bullying i went through BECAUSE of my face and body). again, why can't i apply for assisted suicide when the world wants me dead? i hate it here.

Because when they see us they feel good about themselves we are just ego booster for them

 

[saturn1ne]

I think it is because the world does not want us dead - they want us alive to gawk and make fun at. Us ugly women make even the slightly pretty ones look even more attractive.

true..we are the world's punching bag.

 

[Manfrotto99]

true..we are the world's punching bag.

Scapegoats infact - there are many times when attractive tall, fair women - the types who men consider trophy wives - tell me I'm alone because I am not as "good" a person as them...and times I've fallen for it in in denial of just how ugly I am and how much favour this world places on being attractive.