I don't feel like killing myself but I don't feel like being alive either

[DyingToDie123]

Ugh. It's prime bridge-jumping hour and I just don't feel like doing it tonight. This is my third night in a row intending to do it but being lazy, and my last chance before my dad comes in town and I'm stuck pretending to be normal and life-loving for a week, and I don't have it in me to do that. But ctb just feels like a big lift tonight. Jumping sounds scary. Hanging sounds hard. Overdose won't kill me in time if at all. I feel trapped again.

 

[melancholymallory03]

Ugh. It's prime bridge-jumping hour and I just don't feel like doing it tonight. This is my third night in a row intending to do it but being lazy, and my last chance before my dad comes in town and I'm stuck pretending to be normal and life-loving for a week, and I don't have it in me to do that. But ctb just feels like a big lift tonight. Jumping sounds scary. Hanging sounds hard. Overdose won't kill me in time if at all. I feel trapped again.

I don't think you're lazy, I think you has some inhibitions to act now, for whatever reason that may be. It's very human….
I'm with you on the hanging thing, I never liked the idea of someone having to cut me down , next neighbour growing up hung self and my step dad had to cut the rope …could tell it was a horrific thing to witness. Just never know who's going to be the one to find you.
I'd recommend just planning and allowing yourself to be confused and take your time. You don't have to have a strict deadline, this is a common misconceptionz. All you need is acceptance , and peace.
I'm sorry who is happening to you , I hope you can free yourself from the shackles of your environment one day soon. peace is on its way..