Venting i dont feel like ill ever be able to fully commit

[deaddogsfuneral]

every time i try to take my life it always falls so short. im either unable to because of suicideproofing, someone ends up calling the police on me, or the most common instance: i cant fully commit to it. i always have that feeling of anxiety bubbling up inside of me making me second guess everything. i start thinking about what would happen if i end up alive but now permanently disfigured or disabled, i think about the people i love being heartbroken when they hear what happened, i think if theres an afterlife or not. all these thoughts make my motivation to do it just die out completely.
i wish i could just purge those thoughts from my mind. i wish i could continue on with it without a worry in my mind. i dont want to stay alive anymore but these last minute thoughts are keeping me alive. i dont want to stay in this pain.

 

[lostforever77]

every time i try to take my life it always falls so short. im either unable to because of suicideproofing, someone ends up calling the police on me, or the most common instance: i cant fully commit to it. i always have that feeling of anxiety bubbling up inside of me making me second guess everything. i start thinking about what would happen if i end up alive but now permanently disfigured or disabled, i think about the people i love being heartbroken when they hear what happened, i think if theres an afterlife or not. all these thoughts make my motivation to do it just die out completely.
i wish i could just purge those thoughts from my mind. i wish i could continue on with it without a worry in my mind. i dont want to stay alive anymore but these last minute thoughts are keeping me alive. i dont want to stay in this pain.

Honestly I don't think most people want to die, just not being in pain anymore. I can really relate to that.

 

[hellispink]

The key is proceeding regardless of any fear. Or choosing methods that you cannot come back from. Some methods allow time for regrets. Others are so fast you dead in 5 seconds. Choose wisely according to needs. Forget about pain level, if there is any it will be a few second. Endure that or a life of full pain. Its one choice.