Venting I don't even know why

[feder]

I have had thoughts about killing myself since I was 7 or 8. I don't know how my young mind knew what suicide even was. At 11 I started cutting it has always been about self hatred and a sort of guilt I guess, I felt guilty cuz i couldn't fulfill my parents expectations. Last month my suicidal and intrusive thought kinda calmed down. But tody I just woke up and thought about dying I don't undurstand.

 

[Caoine01]

The reason for this could be a predisposition, psychopathological symptom, of yours which is called thanatophilia. Thanatophilia is the fascination with death, the love of dying and impermanence. Thanatophilia is a socially and legally accepted way of thinking. It could be that thanatophilia is a motivation for many readers here to become active on SaSu and further their personal suicide plans.

 

[RedDoor]

Its like a part of us, like its in our nature to feel like that no matter how things are

The reason for this could be a predisposition, psychopathological symptom, of yours which is called thanatophilia. Thanatophilia is the fascination with death, the love of dying and impermanence. Thanatophilia is a socially and legally accepted way of thinking. It could be that thanatophilia is a motivation for many readers here to become active on SaSu and further their personal suicide plans

WAIT, that could explain a lot actually...

Im going to be thinking about that for a long while .

 

[feder]

The reason for this could be a predisposition, psychopathological symptom, of yours which is called thanatophilia. Thanatophilia is the fascination with death, the love of dying and impermanence. Thanatophilia is a socially and legally accepted way of thinking. It could be that thanatophilia is a motivation for many readers here to become active on SaSu and further their personal suicide plans.

I mean I'm not sexually attracted to corpses or anything lol. But it could be a light form of that. Also I remember my father being suicidal at one point in my childhood maybe that impacted me more than I thought.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that if someone is once suicidal, it's impossible to truly let go of the thoughts, suicide will always exist as an option to them. And to me it's understandable wishing to leave this world as suicide solves the problem that is life and the non existent cannot suffer, I know that I've never wished to exist here.