I don’t even know which is worse

[sximii]

I have severe self harm, up to 3cm deep and had stitches a few times. Been like this for years. I don't even have a reason to do it anymore, it's just become a habit that I'm too used to it to get rid of it. I started smoking last year. It helps me when I have urges to self harm but can't for whatever reason that may be. But when I have the urge to smoke and can't I resort to self harm. And I feel weird after both, but which is worse? Both are causing long term damages to my body, both are addicting and help to regulate myself. I don't even know where I'm going with this. Just some stupid rant to get thoughts off my chest