bees.
Any Pronouns!
- Feb 11, 2023
- 29
I cant catch the bus yet. Ive committed myself and my time to 170 people, all of whom i would fuck over immensely if i died. But i dont care anymore. I dont care about this activity, myself, practising to become a better team member, or even taking care of myself anymore. I dont care about vidoe games or distractions or even self harm anymore. I just dont care.
Everything I do to exist is for these people, so I dont screw them over, but death is literally all i think about. All i feel every day is distress. Happiness lasts seconds at most. How do I even begin to feel again when I havent felt in years. Ive been actively suicidal for 5 years, and passively for as long as I can remember. I dont even think i want to get better.
How does one even begin to care? Am I even capable anymore?
I dont know, I am just screaming into the void here. I hope you, whoever is reading this, has a good night, even if that just means making it through another day. Or finding peace. Idk
Everything I do to exist is for these people, so I dont screw them over, but death is literally all i think about. All i feel every day is distress. Happiness lasts seconds at most. How do I even begin to feel again when I havent felt in years. Ive been actively suicidal for 5 years, and passively for as long as I can remember. I dont even think i want to get better.
How does one even begin to care? Am I even capable anymore?
I dont know, I am just screaming into the void here. I hope you, whoever is reading this, has a good night, even if that just means making it through another day. Or finding peace. Idk
