I dont even care anymore - How do I even try?

[bees.]

I cant catch the bus yet. Ive committed myself and my time to 170 people, all of whom i would fuck over immensely if i died. But i dont care anymore. I dont care about this activity, myself, practising to become a better team member, or even taking care of myself anymore. I dont care about vidoe games or distractions or even self harm anymore. I just dont care.
Everything I do to exist is for these people, so I dont screw them over, but death is literally all i think about. All i feel every day is distress. Happiness lasts seconds at most. How do I even begin to feel again when I havent felt in years. Ive been actively suicidal for 5 years, and passively for as long as I can remember. I dont even think i want to get better.
How does one even begin to care? Am I even capable anymore?
I dont know, I am just screaming into the void here. I hope you, whoever is reading this, has a good night, even if that just means making it through another day. Or finding peace. Idk

 

[ThatRussianDude]

How about, nothing really matters? Either we live in a simulation OR one day humanity will cease to exist as the sun will stop shining. Therefore nothing really matters.

 

[ChinUp]

A lot of people on here they really don't care about you at all. They don't care whether you live or die.

 

[HD72]

A lot of people on here they really don't care about you at all. They don't care whether you live or die.

This is so true. People used to be kind now I get smart Alec messages people promise to help u go then take it back. They don't want to include u unless u r young. It's a shame. We are all in the same boat. Where
Is the compassion.