I dont care about suicide notes anymore.

[VisionsOfHell]

A few months ago, I used to think frequently about things that may happen after my death. Wanting to be remembered in a good light, as a person who made a reasonable and rational choice. This led me to write many pages for my suicide note, where I defened myself from the judgements that will be passed on me and explained my reasoning carefully.

As you can imagine, I discarded all of these pages and will most likely not attempt to write one again, because what difference does it make? The world belongs to the living and I've been cast out from it. Once I'm gone, no matter how well I defend myself, the living will frame my death in whatever way they find most comfortable for themselves. My ideals and my suffering will be of little importance to them and I cannot change that.

So why don't I atleast write a few paragraphs and say the sweet lies that they want to hear so badly, just to ease their pain? Because it wont. If I tell them that I love them they'll use it against me, e.g. "why would he leave people he loves behind? So selfish...".
Anyways, sooner or later they will have to admit to themselves that its a lie and find ways to cope. All I can do is making sure that I leave no traces to this site, so noone will be able to go on a crusade against it over my death.

My mind is clear now and I will waste no more time on thoughts like these. My sun has already set and all thats left to admire is the twilight before I'll be cloaked by darkness. Wishing you all the same peace of mind I feel right now.

(Just to be clear: I still on plan on living for 2 months atleast)

 

[Symbiote]

You are another step closer to your own salvation. Yeah, notes tend to prolong the inevitable, but merely doesn't have quite an impact as you want it to have. Plus, relatives misconstrue the truth in your words and form their own assumptions of what went on in your head. If you have a stubborn family, notes are pointless. If your family can empathize and find closure through words, then maybe writing one will help them understand, but those are a rarity.

 

[Mischievous]

I set out writing a note months ago. 38 pages and 9 restarts all got tossed. I ended up just giving a simple condensed reason why I am killing myself and told the person that I love them. It was really strange writing it because I didn't think it would be soo hard and not in the way of being emotional, I was actually fine emotionally, but trying not to convey myself as the bad guy was impossible as you pointed out. Trying to be encouraging and upbeat was almost impossible because it would be like if a drunk driver killed your child and they wrote to you about staying positive and be forgiving. It all came out awkward.

I actually googled suicide notes to get inspiration and IMO the better ones that I read weren't long drawn out notes but short simple letters.

 

[botanormal]

I'm glad you've been able to reach this conclusion, it's helpful to have a clear mind on this topic. You've made some really good points here too, I really resonate with your words. The thing I'm most afraid of when expressing myself, is having my words used against me, or being judged without any way to defend myself. After death, those two things are very likely to happen, and so I've also been trying to write a note that will prevent it in some ways. But you're right, no matter what you say in the note, they're going to interpret it how they want to interpret it. Everybody perceives things differently, sometimes no amount of clarification will change their opinions, so it's good to just let it go and not allow it to bother you. Thank you for sharing this with us, I really appreciate your perspective on things!

 

[BrokenBelt]

Plus, relatives misconstrue the truth in your words and form their own assumptions of what went on in your head.

This ^^

Your words could/will be re-interpreted, taken in ways that you perhaps didn't mean. You could even leave more questions than you answer. In a way, it's asking for an understanding too late. If there's something you can write in a note, maybe it's something you're better off saying now?? (I know, that's simplistic)

I personally wouldn't leave a note. There's little to say that's not already known, and nothing I could successfully explain anyway.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

If it's a handwritten note they are often taken into police evidence and never reach their intended destination. I've read numerous stories of this happening. I think a delayed email is the best route to go on this subject.

I'm not leaving a note for anyone. For various reasons I won't go into I just feel like it's a waste of time.

 

[VisionsOfHell]

Trying to be encouraging and upbeat was almost impossible because it would be like if a drunk driver killed your child and they wrote to you about staying positive and be forgiving

I wouldnt compare myself to a drunk driver since I'm not doing anything wrong but I get your point about ctb alone being considered unforgivable. We'll never recieve a fair trial.

Thank you for sharing this with us, I really appreciate your perspective on things!

Thank you. You are too kind.

 

[mikenoir]

A few months ago, I used to think frequently about things that may happen after my death. Wanting to be remembered in a good light, as a person who made a reasonable and rational choice. This led me to write many pages for my suicide note, where I defened myself from the judgements that will be passed on me and explained my reasoning carefully.

As you can imagine, I discarded all of these pages and will most likely not attempt to write one again, because what difference does it make? The world belongs to the living and I've been cast out from it. Once I'm gone, no matter how well I defend myself, the living will frame my death in whatever way they find most comfortable for themselves. My ideals and my suffering will be of little importance to them and I cannot change that.

So why don't I atleast write a few paragraphs and say the sweet lies that they want to hear so badly, just to ease their pain? Because it wont. If I tell them that I love them they'll use it against me, e.g. "why would he leave people he loves behind? So selfish...".
Anyways, sooner or later they will have to admit to themselves that its a lie and find ways to cope. All I can do is making sure that I leave no traces to this site, so noone will be able to go on a crusade against it over my death.

My mind is clear now and I will waste no more time on thoughts like these. My sun has already set and all thats left to admire is the twilight before I'll be cloaked by darkness. Wishing you all the same peace of mind I feel right now.

(Just to be clear: I still on plan on living for 2 months atleast)

Exactly. I went through the same exact process. Also, on top of the reasons you've given, sometimes I tend to write a bit too articulately so it sounds very cynical or indifferent. So I won't write anything not to look like a dick. (Either that or I get stupidly emotional and then I lose my own respect since I am quite cynical actually). Also, whatever reasons there might be for wanting to CTB, the family won't care and I'd just look like a dick trying to defend myself. It sounds weird but I cannot even defend myself at this point. All I know is that I can't go on, life is fucked and bad shit like suicide will happen. I really don't have any other convincing excuse worth anyone's time, not even mine. I don't need to explain my choice. Whether it's right or wrong, it's what will happen.

 

[AutoTap]

Yeh my notes pretty much just say love you and it wasn't your fault.

 

[summers]

I don't know if I'm going to send any delayed emails. If I do, it would only be to one or two people. Nothing long at all, just something along the lines of "I love you and thank you for being in my life."

 

[MrBlue]

Debating whether or not to atm. I don't want to be too concise and miss something that should've been addressed but also don't want to pointlessly ramble (like I often do in posts xD). Not doing it at all might save the hassle and worry.

 

[summers]

Debating whether or not to atm. I don't want to be too concise and miss something that should've been addressed but also don't want to pointlessly ramble (like I often do in posts xD). Not doing it at all might save the hassle and worry.

What I found when I started writing mine is that I never felt done. It seems like there's always more to say. Then you get into the logistics of who gets one, who doesn't. Asking people to say goodbye to others for you. I'm at the point now where anyone I would want to say goodbye to, I've known most of my life. I'm sure I said goodbye to them the last time I saw them or talked to them on the phone (not a final goodbye, just a "talk to you later" or something). That's enough for me.

 

[Shades of Grey]

I wanted to send one to a friend (who has been "there") letting them know how much I appreciate them and the ways in which they've been there for me. But I can't seem to find the words. I don't know if they would prefer to receive a note or not. I don't want to make things worse, and I can't really ask... for obvious reasons.