Venting I don’t belong in this world

[Agon321]

Honestly, every day I feel as though I belong somewhere else. I feel a longing and nostalgia for a world that doesn't exist, or exists only in my head. The best moments of my life have taken place in my dreams. I feel a bloody emptiness in my chest.
To be honest, I feel bored with my life and the repetitiveness of every day. Even if I weren't mentally ill, I'd have a similar problem. We live in a world that isn't kind to us. People have created a system that is unhealthy for people. It's ironic, but it suits our species.

If you aren't born into a very good family, then from birth right through to death, stress and sadness await you, with only brief moments of pleasure. But even being born into a very good family doesn't protect you, because there are still many unpleasantries in store for you in life.

I'm only 22 (soon to be 23) and I feel like an old man. The world is slipping through my fingers.
Seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years are passing, and I'm still standing still, with absolutely no fucking idea what the hell I'm supposed to do. I'm tired, very tired. Every choice seems wrong to me, and my own brain is my greatest enemy, destroying me.

I want to escape to a better place, but I know I can't do that and no one's going to come to my rescue, because I'm not living in a film. All that awaits me is stagnation.

I'm already living in hell, and things can only get worse.

 

[iWantToStopExisting]

Bro, i'm ten years older, and i feel like i'm already saw enough. I don't see any reason to continue. Everything that has beginning has an end. Do you have any idea for a painless departure. Like could we organize a trip to Mexico for pentobarbital or somewhere where we could find a gun. I can not do it all by myself, you understand . I could be easily robbed or arrested. Or even change my mind in those last seconds. I mean its better then you are together with someone to support you.
Here some info about me :

A 32 years old failure

I'm 32 years old and i'm a failure. If you weren't studious as a kid, it's over. AI : Permanent Loss of Plasticity: If you do not use your brain during this period, you may miss the chance to build strong, fundamental pathways for skills like emotional regulation, complex logic, or social...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Agon321]

Bro, i'm ten years older, and i feel like i'm already saw enough. I don't see any reason to continue. Everything that has beginning has an end. Do you have any idea for a painless departure. Like could we organize a trip to Mexico for pentobarbital or somewhere where we could find a gun. I can not do it all by myself, you understand . I could be easily robbed or arrested. Or even change my mind in those last seconds. I mean its better then you are together with someone to support you.
Here some info about me :

A 32 years old failure

I'm 32 years old and i'm a failure. If you weren't studious as a kid, it's over. AI : Permanent Loss of Plasticity: If you do not use your brain during this period, you may miss the chance to build strong, fundamental pathways for skills like emotional regulation, complex logic, or social...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Hi, I appreciate your offer, but I don't feel confident enough to go ahead with it. Even if my brain is shit and I'm struggling, I still have a survival instinct (that's one of the reasons I'm still breathing on this bloody planet) and I don't necessarily trust random people on the internet. I want to end it all, but at the same time I don't. That's exactly what I mean, among other things. I'm trapped.

I live in Poland and once I bought SN, anti-nausea medication and a few other things to end it all using SN. I used to post here regularly a while back and kept saying I'd commit suicide soon, but as you can see I'm still here, though I definitely don't feel any better.

I'd like to help you, but I can't even help myself. I struggle to plan even the most basic things, so a trip to Mexico is unimaginable for me, especially as I've never travelled in my life.

A gun would be nice, but in my country it's complicated to get hold of one, and a loser like me with no connections has even more trouble with it.

As I mentioned earlier, I don't know what to do.

 

[iWantToStopExisting]

Poland is very close to Ukraine . Have you thought about purchasing a gun from there. From darknet .I sure they give to their soldiers a suicide pills.
I know some russian, i could help.Did you try?
Bro we are a community here, we should try to organize . Would be more easy for us to achive our goal .

 

[Agon321]

Poland is very close to Ukraine . Have you thought about purchasing a gun from there. From darknet .I sure they give to their soldiers a suicide pills.
I know some russian, i could help.Did you try?
Bro we are a community here, we should try to organize . Would be more easy for us to achive our goal .

No, I haven't tried. I'm sure it's possible, but I don't even know where or how to start looking.
I don't have much money either, and I don't want to be taken in by anyone, but unfortunately I don't know which sources might be reliable.

A gun gives you the freedom of choice, because you can shoot yourself in the head wherever and whenever you want.
In the current situation, the SN is a more realistic option for me, but I don't know what the availability is like at the moment, as I haven't looked into it recently.

 

[RadiantNumber]

Honestly, every day I feel as though I belong somewhere else. I feel a longing and nostalgia for a world that doesn't exist, or exists only in my head. The best moments of my life have taken place in my dreams. I feel a bloody emptiness in my chest.
To be honest, I feel bored with my life and the repetitiveness of every day. Even if I weren't mentally ill, I'd have a similar problem. We live in a world that isn't kind to us. People have created a system that is unhealthy for people. It's ironic, but it suits our species.

If you aren't born into a very good family, then from birth right through to death, stress and sadness await you, with only brief moments of pleasure. But even being born into a very good family doesn't protect you, because there are still many unpleasantries in store for you in life.

I'm only 22 (soon to be 23) and I feel like an old man. The world is slipping through my fingers.
Seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years are passing, and I'm still standing still, with absolutely no fucking idea what the hell I'm supposed to do. I'm tired, very tired. Every choice seems wrong to me, and my own brain is my greatest enemy, destroying me.

I want to escape to a better place, but I know I can't do that and no one's going to come to my rescue, because I'm not living in a film. All that awaits me is stagnation.

I'm already living in hell, and things can only get worse.

I feel you , this world ain't suitable for people but for mindless droness. I am also from Poland if you need to feel free to write

 

[iWantToStopExisting]

Hello man, i desided to use the SN method as well . Can you share with me some intel on where to get the ingredients. Antiemetics, benzodiazepine. I'm not familiar with darknet, please help me.

 

[logar]

I relate to you a lot. I don't know what I'm supposed to really do in life either, and I just let the time fly by while I just lay in bed, stare at my wall, doing nothing. Society truly doesn't give people like us any great options. The system we are living in today isn't what we humans are truly adapted to. I'm still trying to search for an end to this suffering. (although I think the answer to that for me is to CTB..) But I really hope you can find your way in life and make it out of this hell man. :)

 

[Agon321]

Hello man, i desided to use the SN method as well . Can you share with me some intel on where to get the ingredients. Antiemetics, benzodiazepine. I'm not familiar with darknet, please help me.

Sorry for the late reply.
Unfortunately not. SN is readily available in Poland (or was; I'm not sure if anything has changed as I haven't been following the issue).
I bought the anti-nausea medication from an online pharmacy, but unfortunately it's no longer available, as far as I could see when I last checked. If I want to commit suicide, I'll have to find a new pharmacy, as my domperidone has already gone off. I've seen that some people recommend Indian sources. I haven't bought any benzos.

 

[Hollowman]

Bro, i'm ten years older, and i feel like i'm already saw enough. I don't see any reason to continue. Everything that has beginning has an end. Do you have any idea for a painless departure. Like could we organize a trip to Mexico for pentobarbital or somewhere where we could find a gun. I can not do it all by myself, you understand . I could be easily robbed or arrested. Or even change my mind in those last seconds. I mean its better then you are together with someone to support you.
Here some info about me :

A 32 years old failure

I'm 32 years old and i'm a failure. If you weren't studious as a kid, it's over. AI : Permanent Loss of Plasticity: If you do not use your brain during this period, you may miss the chance to build strong, fundamental pathways for skills like emotional regulation, complex logic, or social...

sanctioned-suicide.net

There's a partners thread. I can't link it try the search bar.

 

[SoverignDreamer97]

Mene, Mene, Tekel, Upharsin.

1. "You cannot please everyone; control the things you can control." ~Suncha Ferreira (Victus Group)/Mark 8:36, Matthew 13:12

2. The grass withers, the flowers fade, because the breath of the Lord blows upon it; surely the people are grass.
The grass withers, the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever. (Isaiah 40:7-8)

3. The world hates liabilities, and would rather they not exist, as much as the rules dictate that all life is inherently valuable. (Proverbs 25:17)

• Even in a community of liabilities, there is no place for a liability. (John 15:18)

Therefore, as much as I desire to live, and that a world without me would be awfully dull and grey, this isn't up to me; if I die, I die; though my father, mother, and the whole world forsake me, the Lord will bring me up. (Esther 4:11, Psalm 27:10)

 

[Chabrychek]

Hello. I am also from Poland, and at the same point in my life as you. We have similar feelings and thoughts about life. I see no hope. My rational self knows it has to end before it gets any worse. The only thing stopping me now is the survival instinct. I'm also planning to use SN.
If you'd like to talk, I'm happy to.

 

[PanaxMan]

Honestly, every day I feel as though I belong somewhere else. I feel a longing and nostalgia for a world that doesn't exist, or exists only in my head. The best moments of my life have taken place in my dreams. I feel a bloody emptiness in my chest.
To be honest, I feel bored with my life and the repetitiveness of every day. Even if I weren't mentally ill, I'd have a similar problem. We live in a world that isn't kind to us. People have created a system that is unhealthy for people. It's ironic, but it suits our species.

If you aren't born into a very good family, then from birth right through to death, stress and sadness await you, with only brief moments of pleasure. But even being born into a very good family doesn't protect you, because there are still many unpleasantries in store for you in life.

I'm only 22 (soon to be 23) and I feel like an old man. The world is slipping through my fingers.
Seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years are passing, and I'm still standing still, with absolutely no fucking idea what the hell I'm supposed to do. I'm tired, very tired. Every choice seems wrong to me, and my own brain is my greatest enemy, destroying me.

I want to escape to a better place, but I know I can't do that and no one's going to come to my rescue, because I'm not living in a film. All that awaits me is stagnation.

I'm already living in hell, and things can only get worse.

I'm currently homeless and go thru this every single day. Watching media helps pass the time so I can completely relate. It truly does suck