fkyou
...
- Oct 1, 2022
- 193
Bro I didn't realize that not leaving on time is gonna cost me so much mentally.i hate this 
. At first you have this clear vision that this is the right thing to do in these circumstances but that's just the euphoria of finally doing something about it then with time you lose all sensation including why you wanted to leave.but your problems are still there.the problem now is you can't do nothing about it,even that desire and belief that the best thing you could do for yourself now is quiting is silly now.what was before " I've suffered enough and I deserve rest" is now "I'm nothing but a failure and time just proved it for everyone else" , especially if you are someone who struggled with exceptence in social setings and always felt rejected by people.your brain is not gonna have mercy on you .it didnt when I was in my best conditions why would it now that I have more reasons to believe I'm trash.Literally I've lost all the motivation and the reasoning behind why I had to do it and replaced by self loathing and confusion.i hate this. I don't deserve to feel like this about myself.some mfs live Easley and others leave easley.i brought this upon myself.and finale fk you to anyone that makes vulnerable people doubt themselves and feel like they have to keep going and prove themselves as good members.fk you family.and fk the relatives.this is what I've been afraid of.but I brought this upon myself with my low trust in myself and doubting my own frkn life. Where are they. Those who want us to stay around. Getting fried like rat experiments can they show up now and shut up the thoughts of shame failure that my brain is throwing at me.or are they only useful in making a helpless traumatized person feel like trash thinking they didn't try"suffer" enough. Mfs been making me feel as though I lost the grand prize called life.pretending now they care about how I feel.they didn't feel sorry for me when they pushed me to go study when I couldn't.they didn't feel sad enough for me as long as I was going to University and eating shit.to this day they hope I'm going back next year .they don't have a clue how dangerous it has been. Then these mfs have the audacity to come and ask me what's wrong with me.offended I'm not listening to them.offended "I'm not living life" as if this life is guaranteed for everyone as if it's lovely.mf told me " get up and live life" mf doesn't know what type of life I was living for years and still thinks I didn't try.tf.mf doesn't know that the only reason I wasn't LiVInG LiFe is cause for a long time I couldn't. Mfs what life are you talking about life isn't one entity. This is My Life. Dog can you give me YOUR life so that I can live trauma guilt free???
. At first you have this clear vision that this is the right thing to do in these circumstances but that's just the euphoria of finally doing something about it then with time you lose all sensation including why you wanted to leave.but your problems are still there.the problem now is you can't do nothing about it,even that desire and belief that the best thing you could do for yourself now is quiting is silly now.what was before " I've suffered enough and I deserve rest" is now "I'm nothing but a failure and time just proved it for everyone else" , especially if you are someone who struggled with exceptence in social setings and always felt rejected by people.your brain is not gonna have mercy on you .it didnt when I was in my best conditions why would it now that I have more reasons to believe I'm trash.Literally I've lost all the motivation and the reasoning behind why I had to do it and replaced by self loathing and confusion.i hate this. I don't deserve to feel like this about myself.some mfs live Easley and others leave easley.i brought this upon myself.and finale fk you to anyone that makes vulnerable people doubt themselves and feel like they have to keep going and prove themselves as good members.fk you family.and fk the relatives.this is what I've been afraid of.but I brought this upon myself with my low trust in myself and doubting my own frkn life. Where are they. Those who want us to stay around. Getting fried like rat experiments can they show up now and shut up the thoughts of shame failure that my brain is throwing at me.or are they only useful in making a helpless traumatized person feel like trash thinking they didn't try"suffer" enough. Mfs been making me feel as though I lost the grand prize called life.pretending now they care about how I feel.they didn't feel sorry for me when they pushed me to go study when I couldn't.they didn't feel sad enough for me as long as I was going to University and eating shit.to this day they hope I'm going back next year .they don't have a clue how dangerous it has been. Then these mfs have the audacity to come and ask me what's wrong with me.offended I'm not listening to them.offended "I'm not living life" as if this life is guaranteed for everyone as if it's lovely.mf told me " get up and live life" mf doesn't know what type of life I was living for years and still thinks I didn't try.tf.mf doesn't know that the only reason I wasn't LiVInG LiFe is cause for a long time I couldn't. Mfs what life are you talking about life isn't one entity. This is My Life. Dog can you give me YOUR life so that I can live trauma guilt free???
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