I did everything prolifers told me to do

[hopelessdreams]

I did everything the pro-lifers, scientists, psychologists and all the other people told me to do. this all came to be because I wanted to give life my full attention one time, to see if my thoughts are just linked to my shitty lifestyle of laying in bed all day, listening to music to drown out thoughts and overall not taking care of myself. It was a process of roughly eight months. I started to get up at 6 or 7 am everyday. I started working out, doing cardio every day and weightlifting three times a week. I deleted things like tiktok and YouTube, didn't listen to any depressing music. I started eating a decent diet full of things like protein and vegetables. I got a job on weekends and studied my ass of on the weekdays.

even with all of that, I still felt like shit. I still had thoughts about suicide every day. I was in a better place socially, but in no better place mentally. for some people it could work, switching your habits, because your environment plays a great role in your mental health. but I've come to the realization from this expirement that there's something wrong with my brain chemically, or im just too traumatized and tired. my brain is fucked for life. I've been half in half out for so long, but I don't know for how long I can keep this going.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I did everything the pro-lifers, scientists, psychologists and all the other people told me to do. this all came to be because I wanted to give life my full attention one time, to see if my thoughts are just linked to my shitty lifestyle of laying in bed all day, listening to music to drown out thoughts and overall not taking care of myself. It was a process of roughly eight months. I started to get up at 6 or 7 am everyday. I started working out, doing cardio every day and weightlifting three times a week. I deleted things like tiktok and YouTube, didn't listen to any depressing music. I started eating a decent diet full of things like protein and vegetables. I got a job on weekends and studied my ass of on the weekdays.

even with all of that, I still felt like shit. I still had thoughts about suicide every day. I was in a better place socially, but in no better place mentally. for some people it could work, switching your habits, because your environment plays a great role in your mental health. but I've come to the realization from this expirement that there's something wrong with my brain chemically, or im just too traumatized and tired. my brain is fucked for life. I've been half in half out for so long, but I don't know for how long I can keep this going.

Hello @hopelessdreams,
You're feeling so hopeless, it seems.
There seems to be nothing you can do.
Childhood abuse isn't the thing we can simply undo.

Life is so cruel, the fate rolls the dice,
And it's so unfair, you pay the price.
Especially when your own brain tortures you,
People who understand you are too few.

May you have a caring friend,
Who would suffer through with you.
And may their love remains true,
Until all torments you endure end.


Sorry, I can't offer any hope, because you said you have done everything you can and I believe in you.
Unfortunately, it seems to be genuinely hopeless.
We can't hope you'll get better out of the blue, and even if you would win a million dollar on the lottery, it won't "fix" you.

Do you have anybody who supports you? I think, most of pro-lifers won't choose to suffer with you. They preach but won't reach out.

Thanks for reading
I hope your suffering will be a bit less unbearable

 

[niawscm]

You think something may be wrong with your brain chemically? Have you tried seeing a psychiatrist? Or taking something OTC like CBD? Maybe the right combination of drugs/supplements could help if you do have a chemical imbalance?

 

[FuneralCry]

It does sound tiring being trapped in that situation, it's so dreadful how we exist in a world where people suffer so much all through no fault or their own. But anyway best wishes.

 

[SpiderLink]

I did everything the pro-lifers, scientists, psychologists and all the other people told me to do. this all came to be because I wanted to give life my full attention one time, to see if my thoughts are just linked to my shitty lifestyle of laying in bed all day, listening to music to drown out thoughts and overall not taking care of myself. It was a process of roughly eight months. I started to get up at 6 or 7 am everyday. I started working out, doing cardio every day and weightlifting three times a week. I deleted things like tiktok and YouTube, didn't listen to any depressing music. I started eating a decent diet full of things like protein and vegetables. I got a job on weekends and studied my ass of on the weekdays.

even with all of that, I still felt like shit. I still had thoughts about suicide every day. I was in a better place socially, but in no better place mentally. for some people it could work, switching your habits, because your environment plays a great role in your mental health. but I've come to the realization from this expirement that there's something wrong with my brain chemically, or im just too traumatized and tired. my brain is fucked for life. I've been half in half out for so long, but I don't know for how long I can keep this going.

I relate to a certain degree.

 

[bedtimebabe]

I feel like I am half in half out right now too and I relate. I keep trying to do things for my health and to take care of myself but my heart's just not in it anymore. I feel like I can't fake this I mostly just think about killing myself and nothing else really appeals to me much anymore.
I feel you there ~

 

[catagmatic]

I did everything the pro-lifers, scientists, psychologists and all the other people told me to do. this all came to be because I wanted to give life my full attention one time, to see if my thoughts are just linked to my shitty lifestyle of laying in bed all day, listening to music to drown out thoughts and overall not taking care of myself. It was a process of roughly eight months. I started to get up at 6 or 7 am everyday. I started working out, doing cardio every day and weightlifting three times a week. I deleted things like tiktok and YouTube, didn't listen to any depressing music. I started eating a decent diet full of things like protein and vegetables. I got a job on weekends and studied my ass of on the weekdays.

even with all of that, I still felt like shit. I still had thoughts about suicide every day. I was in a better place socially, but in no better place mentally. for some people it could work, switching your habits, because your environment plays a great role in your mental health. but I've come to the realization from this expirement that there's something wrong with my brain chemically, or im just too traumatized and tired. my brain is fucked for life. I've been half in half out for so long, but I don't know for how long I can keep this going.

I can commiserate with you entirely here. I was convinced that after getting into shape, getting out of school into a well paying job, getting a partner, etc would ease my suicidal ideation but if anything I think about it more often than ever. I think there's a sobering reality that hits when you start to become productive by societal standards and realize that this might just be the way you are permanently. If anything it felt like being at the bottom and feeling like this, I had some hope where I could look 'up' and find something to grasp onto but now I feel like there's nowhere to ascend to. If anything if you talk about these feelings, people now have something to point to and say 'how could you feel like this? look at all you've accomplished.' It's quite frustrating, honestly.

 

[LittleJem]

I just want to say wow that you achieved all of that while feeling low. No mean feat.

I personally believe the only thing that can make a difference is getting lucky with the right medication or drug.

Pro lifers can say what they want, the truth is for those of us with chronic mental illness/trauma it's about enduring the suffering and if we have anything that makes life bearable.

Once again it's admirable you had the strength to test it.

 

[Eternal Sleep!]

Have you tried tDCS/tACS or ECT/rTMS or (es)ketamine? I have a NeuroMyst device which can do both DC and AC, it goes up to 4ma and you can read your resistance (ohm) everything under 5000 ohm is really good, then the current goes definitely thru your skull.

Look up montage F3+/F4- for Depression. Make sure the electrodes are placed correctly, the current is 2ma to max 3ma for 20 mins twice a day. Using this montage some people came out of MDD and suicidal ideation.

Then for tACS same montage on F3/F4 for 40 mins, 2ma -2.50ma at 10hz helped some people too, you need to experiment a little for it to work. Unfortunately it didn't help me but it could help you!

Also I've red a lot that Lithium could help with suicidal ideation. You could try Lithium in supplement form as Lithium Orotate. Hope this helps. I also reccomend a good therapist, maybe even microdosing Psilocybin.

 

[Linda]

I did everything the pro-lifers, scientists, psychologists and all the other people told me to do. this all came to be because I wanted to give life my full attention one time, to see if my thoughts are just linked to my shitty lifestyle of laying in bed all day, listening to music to drown out thoughts and overall not taking care of myself. It was a process of roughly eight months. I started to get up at 6 or 7 am everyday. I started working out, doing cardio every day and weightlifting three times a week. I deleted things like tiktok and YouTube, didn't listen to any depressing music. I started eating a decent diet full of things like protein and vegetables. I got a job on weekends and studied my ass of on the weekdays.

even with all of that, I still felt like shit. I still had thoughts about suicide every day. I was in a better place socially, but in no better place mentally. for some people it could work, switching your habits, because your environment plays a great role in your mental health. but I've come to the realization from this expirement that there's something wrong with my brain chemically, or im just too traumatized and tired. my brain is fucked for life. I've been half in half out for so long, but I don't know for how long I can keep this going.

Do you have a partner? That can often make a big difference.

 

[rotciv]

Has Anybody Cured Their Depression?

I am just wondering if anybody on here has been seriously depressed and overcome it? If so how did you do it? I've been feeling rather hopeless lately as I seem to be getting worse despite my best efforts. Thanks in advance.

raypeatforum.com

 

[MeltingBrain]

I did everything the pro-lifers, scientists, psychologists and all the other people told me to do. this all came to be because I wanted to give life my full attention one time, to see if my thoughts are just linked to my shitty lifestyle of laying in bed all day, listening to music to drown out thoughts and overall not taking care of myself. It was a process of roughly eight months. I started to get up at 6 or 7 am everyday. I started working out, doing cardio every day and weightlifting three times a week. I deleted things like tiktok and YouTube, didn't listen to any depressing music. I started eating a decent diet full of things like protein and vegetables. I got a job on weekends and studied my ass of on the weekdays.

even with all of that, I still felt like shit. I still had thoughts about suicide every day. I was in a better place socially, but in no better place mentally. for some people it could work, switching your habits, because your environment plays a great role in your mental health. but I've come to the realization from this expirement that there's something wrong with my brain chemically, or im just too traumatized and tired. my brain is fucked for life. I've been half in half out for so long, but I don't know for how long I can keep this going.

I feel this . Obviously suggestions like "take in fresh air, eat well" are a supplementary part of an overall treatment plan but if someone has a serious underlying disease these "solutions" are going to fall woefully short without identifying and treating the main cause . It seems like you have not been diagnosed ?

Whenever a doctor tells me shit like "eat well, exercise.. yada yada" it just translates into my brain as "I don't have any treatment for your condition" . It also feels like somehow it's my fault I'm not trying hard enough.

Sorry for that tangent and good luck on finding the root cause of your health problem/s .

 

[cami]

have you tried medication? if it's not your environment then it's you, and im assuming you tried therapy so medication might be worth a shot? it seems like your willing to live a happy life and you're just struggling within yourself to get there. maybe something is chemically wrong?

 

[betternever2havbeen]

It's amazing you managed to change your life like that. I would defo not have the energy, you really dedicated yourself to improving your life and you should be proud of that. I'm sorry to hear it's not really helped things mentally for you though. I don't think your brain is fucked for life otherwise you wouldn't even have been able to do what you did for eight whole months. That list just sounds like nothing but a bunch of healthy stuff and hard work though I have to say, with not much fun-maybe you are lacking a good hobby you could enjoy?

 

[freedfromvice]

Hey bro/sis, I hear you and that is absolutely amazing progress. Are you feeling better at all or just barely above where you were at? Do you have more good days than you used to or is it about the same? I have a couple more suggestions for you.

Get your testosterone and estrogen checked. If your testosterone is too low (regardless of whether you're a man or a woman) you will feel absolutely horrible. And even though you're in perfect healthy habits mode, it can still be low because of the horrible environment we live in. If your estrogen is too high or too low you will also feel horrible. Can't stress this enough, get that shit checked ASAP and get on TRT or whatever if its out of wack. Even if you're in the reference range, if you're a young man, you will not feel good below 500 ng/dl total test in your blood even though the reference range is ~300-1000. Not sure the numbers for women.

Also, get checked for iron deficiency. And I know its a meme but since you're already doing everything else, get as much sunlight as you safely can and take vitamin D, zinc+copper, magnesium, vitamin b1 (thiamine), and a b-complex with b12 in it. These are all very common deficiencies that can make you feel like crap.

Then, if you can, look into ketamine therapy or MDMA. Either of those 2 can help you sort through your past trauma and try to get a handle of it and let go of it. MDMA worked absolute wonders for me. Research how to do it safely though and test your stuff.

The fact that you were able to do all that stuff while suicidally depressed is absolutely incredible and you're a very strong individual. There's still a lot of stuff worth trying before you peace out.