I cry every day

[Desdemona]

At the nightmare that my life has become. I've suffered with lots of things throughout my life but lots of them were balanced out by the happy moments. I feel like my life ended the day my chronic illness hit and it's just been a steady roll downhill and I can't catch a break

The worst part is that the pain has made me see life through a different lens and how amazing it can be and it makes me feel even more depressed for taking everything for granted before. I want to live and enjoy life, just not in this stupid broken body where I'm tortured every day.

I wake up in a bad mood because I know that pain and suffering are all that await. I snap at loved ones because I'm so irritable from being in pain. I go to sleep hoping I don't wake up. This is no way to live

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm so sorry to hear you're suffering from a chronic illness! I wish I could help you somehow. Pain sucks.

I really want you to live and enjoy life, you deserve it. Life is so unfair. For these reasons I don't believe in "God".

Anyway, hope you can feel better somehow.

Send you lots of love and hugs.

 

[greebo6]

I seem to cry most days. Sometimes a little. Sometimes a lot.

 

[booray]

I can't imagine what it's like to have to live with chronic physical pain. I cry just about every day too, but all I have is mental anguish.

 

[whywere]

I have 24/7 chronic pain from a car crash, car crash not my fault. I do not drink or smoke and in 2014 I was diagnosed with gall bladder cancer and had it removed and all the horror that comes with cancer. Then in 2015 I was driving south and a person was driving east and he blew through the stop sign and I t-boned him. Part of my spinal column was torn out of the back base of my brain. So since 2015 I do not EVER get 1 second without blinding pain. I have opoids and I get shots once every 3 months for the pain and the damage is progressive in so far as I might be in a wheelchair if I am around long enough. With this said, I 100% know the hell that you are going through and it makes my heart ache and also break. I am sending you lots of hugs and smiles and love, caring, empathy and SUPPORT. We are all in this together @Desdemona and you are a shining example of our global family here. Warm wishes and smiles to you!!!! Walter

 

[Yiyo123]

I also cry everyday. When I finally go to sleep and everytime a I wake up. I'm tired of feeling this way, Meds didn't help much and my family fon't care. So was left if everyone you know simply don't give a damn about you. I feel like a nuassance (sorry ig i mispelled). Today I cried in front of my wife and my life crumbled. I live her and she's holding me back but at the same time I don't want to live anymore. But I can't CTB right now. I want to left her a home, a place to live.

 

[AintNoWayOut]

it comes and goes in waves for me. a bit over a year ago i'd cry about five times a day, now i might cry a couple times a week. im not sure why, maybe i drain myself of tears and grow sort of "numb" to it all but then they build back up in me until i cant contain it anymore and the cycle repeats. its an unfulfilling tiring existence.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. I so relate to your post... it's very hard place to be in.

The worst part is that the pain has made me see life through a different lens and how amazing it can be and it makes me feel even more depressed for taking everything for granted before. I want to live and enjoy life, just not in this stupid broken body where I'm tortured every day.

Remembering what life used to be, but will never be again due to my stupid injury tortures me so much

 

[whywere]

I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. I so relate to your post... it's very hard place to be in.


Remembering what life used to be, but will never be again due to my stupid injury tortures me so much

HI! I am so, so sorry for your pain. I too have chronic pain and it sucks the life out of a person. BUT I am 100% here for you and my wish for you is a upcoming weekend filled with sunshine, less pain, great food and beverages and the knowledge that you are loved and cared for and about here. Walter

 

[AintNoWayOut]

I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. I so relate to your post... it's very hard place to be in.


Remembering what life used to be, but will never be again due to my stupid injury tortures me so much

damn. you and desdemona just described how i feel almost perfectly. it was literally one event, which led to one injury, which has led to most of my suffering. thats how unfair this world is. its not just the physical suffering, but the psychological suffering from the constant reflecting on how you could've prevented it, how things would've played out differently had it not happened, how you took life for granted prior but it was STILL infinitely better than it is now, realizing that you'll never get that feeling of normalcy back, etc. living with chronic pain or a chronic illness really does give you a whole new perspective on life and just how much better/easier it is with a functional body. people dont realize just how important our physical wellbeing is, we are literally trapped in these meat prisons called 'bodies' and if they dont work properly or feel right then we're bound to be miserable. SO much of life is just being physically comfortable, without that base there you cant have much else. i really do wish i could go back and slap myself for being so blind to what i had, but you dont think about it until its taken from you and you're reaping the consequences of it every moment of every day. we have a lot of resilience to have even made it this far.

 

[Isisnefert]

I feel you, in the last time I cannot stop crying, I am starting a disease like yours with chronic pain and for which I lost my job and I cannot choose any job. It's starting anyway.
The day has started here, last night I went to bed crying, after crying during the afternoon telling my partner my wishes for ctb and the reasons why. And this morning I start crying too.
it just hurts me to live

 

[noname223]

I barely can cry since I take my neuroleptics. They prevent this somehow. It is kind of weird. But I've arranged with that.

 

[Lost Magic]

I am numb a lot of the time but then I will just burst into tears when I think of what might have been. I really hope I have the courage to go sometime this year. That is my wish anyway. This is all getting to be too much.

 

[Isisnefert]

Estoy entumecido la mayor parte del tiempo, pero luego me pongo a llorar cuando pienso en lo que podría haber sido. Realmente espero tener el coraje de ir en algún momento de este año. Ese es mi deseo de todos modos. Todo esto se está volviendo demasiado.

Same

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Your post made me really distraught, because I know exactly how you feel. It is heartbreaking and I would wish this agony on no one, not even my worst enemy. You deserve to be free of pain and have some reprieve from the suffering.

Every single word you've written here is nearly identical to my story. I cannot remember what life was like before I started experiencing permanent, incurable pain. I wish I had not taken my physical health for granted and tried to enjoy things while I could, but I was only 17, how could I have known what awaited me?

People without chronic pain do not realize how exhausting it is to exist in such a state. They think we can just soldier on, and that there's always a way to find relief and contentment. Well, I have not had a day without some sort of physical pain in nearly 5 years now. It gnaws at you, it grates away your willpower, it destroys any semblance of comfort you feel... There is no reason nor rhyme to this awful biological prison.

I wish none of us had to be in pain.