I feel like, if you feel guilt you're probably not such a bad person. You just made some mistakes and are now learning the hard way. We've all fucked up and some of us (much like yourself) have suffered potentially life ending, if not damaging consequences so nobody can tell you that you should or shouldn't ctb because that's a decision we all have to respect is down to the 'life owner'.
I will say though, that it's okay to give yourself an out that doesn't involve dying. I mean if you could have any quality of life if you were able to take yourself out of the situations you're in then maybe that's what is right for you.
Move away and hermit yourself for a while so you can get yourself together and find your footing. It might take some time but if you can manage that then maybe you can return to right a few wrongs if that's realistic. You can do it from afar if needs be.
Sounds like hard work I know, and is probably feeling like a bit of a pipe dream. Might even be irrelevant to your specific situation as I/we don't know the details. I'm just trying to say you might be able to help yourself by removing yourself from the equation without it involving taking your own life. Though if that's what you choose we would respect your right to do that. Just sleep on it at least.
Once you hop on that bus your options are narrowed significantly. You either end or you crash and wake up with more problems than you started with. Impulsively doing it really raises the probability of that being the case unless you have a foolproof method and circumstances which most people don't.
I think what I really want to get across to you is that it's okay to have fucked up. I feel for you. There are options though. Particularly if you're relatively young. Obviously there's no bar but the younger you are the more space you have ahead of you to play with and start anew if needed. Eat, sleep and relax if and where you can. Take some time to make a plan. Try to put fear aside because if you're considering death then what can anyone really do to you?! There's some catharsis in that.
