I cant seem to die and i hate it

[onyx559]

I've been trying to kill myself since the fifth grade. I am now 27 years old and I hate it. I've tried everything from pills all the way to jumping in front of a train and I can't seem to die. I thought to myself if a train can't even kill me that I need to at least try to live life and make a plan for myself. So I started that last month and then two weeks ago I get laid off from my job and I get into a car accident (IN THE SAME WEEK) that wasn't my fault and now everything is going to shit. I have absolutely nobody to talk to so I planned on shooting myself today. But I guess someone saw the signs throughout the week and took the gun out of the safe. My backup plan is to hang myself tonight, but I don't even think that will work. I am so hopeless that I don't even trust that I could kill myself and I want nothing more than to just die.

I don't know if this is a cry for help for someone to save me or I just want to feel heard be seen, but I feel like I just need to get this out.

 

[telekon]

I've been trying to kill myself since the fifth grade. I am now 27 years old and I hate it. I've tried everything from pills all the way to jumping in front of a train and I can't seem to die. I thought to myself if a train can't even kill me that I need to at least try to live life and make a plan for myself. So I started that last month and then two weeks ago I get laid off from my job and I get into a car accident (IN THE SAME WEEK) that wasn't my fault and now everything is going to shit. I have absolutely nobody to talk to so I planned on shooting myself today. But I guess someone saw the signs throughout the week and took the gun out of the safe. My backup plan is to hang myself tonight, but I don't even think that will work. I am so hopeless that I don't even trust that I could kill myself and I want nothing more than to just die.

I don't know if this is a cry for help for someone to save me or I just want to feel heard be seen, but I feel like I just need to get this out.

i am really sorry to hear that all happened. it feels like the world is crumbling under our feet. at least that is how i feel personally.

it just sucks when things pile up and bad things happen close together. i hope things will get better soon for everyone here and we can find stable jobs.

 

[_Gollum_]

That's awful, I'm sorry :\ I find it so injust how we live in a world where people who want nothing more than to live die, and people who want nothing more than to die live. If only we could donate our lives to someone who actually wants it.

 

[madameviolette]

How did you survive jumping in front of a train ?

 

[onyx559]

How did you survive jumping in front of a train ?

I just stood in front of it, I wasnt laying on the tracks or anything. But when I got hit I got thrown onto the side of the tracks and people called the ambulance

 

[madameviolette]

I just stood in front of it, I wasnt laying on the tracks or anything. But when I got hit I got thrown onto the side of the tracks and people called the ambulance

Wow, I hope you didn't sustain too much damage

 

[Mira Gaga]

Keep your head up, if not for yourself, then for the people who wanna see you again. You're the boss of your life. You've got this. I'm in a strangely hypocritical mood today, so I'm gonna sound like a broken record, but you got this, okay? I mean it.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

I've been trying to kill myself since the fifth grade. I am now 27 years old and I hate it. I've tried everything from pills all the way to jumping in front of a train and I can't seem to die. I thought to myself if a train can't even kill me that I need to at least try to live life and make a plan for myself. So I started that last month and then two weeks ago I get laid off from my job and I get into a car accident (IN THE SAME WEEK) that wasn't my fault and now everything is going to shit. I have absolutely nobody to talk to so I planned on shooting myself today. But I guess someone saw the signs throughout the week and took the gun out of the safe. My backup plan is to hang myself tonight, but I don't even think that will work. I am so hopeless that I don't even trust that I could kill myself and I want nothing more than to just die.

I don't know if this is a cry for help for someone to save me or I just want to feel heard be seen, but I feel like I just need to get this out.

I've always thought about it since I was young, and as I got older it got easier to plan and figure it out. My life is crumbling around me, I lost everything not but two days ago and I feel like I'm relapsing, it seems so easy to get some SN and just get it over with. It feels ridiculous to be 25 and to feel so fucking hopeless. I lost my home, my job, and the most important part of my life.

I see you, I hear you, and I'm here for now if that means anything from a stranger.

 

[copioushopelessness]

I've been trying to kill myself since the fifth grade. I am now 27 years old and I hate it. I've tried everything from pills all the way to jumping in front of a train and I can't seem to die. I thought to myself if a train can't even kill me that I need to at least try to live life and make a plan for myself. So I started that last month and then two weeks ago I get laid off from my job and I get into a car accident (IN THE SAME WEEK) that wasn't my fault and now everything is going to shit. I have absolutely nobody to talk to so I planned on shooting myself today. But I guess someone saw the signs throughout the week and took the gun out of the safe. My backup plan is to hang myself tonight, but I don't even think that will work. I am so hopeless that I don't even trust that I could kill myself and I want nothing more than to just die.

I don't know if this is a cry for help for someone to save me or I just want to feel heard be seen, but I feel like I just need to get this out.

Taking the gun out of the safe gave me dejavu.
Do you live with family? In this economy that's the safest bet.
I'm sorry you lost your job and got in an accident.
Were the pills prescribed? Prescription pills typically make depression so much worse.

 

[katara]

How did you survive jumping in front of a train ?

That was my first thought too. The thought of that kind of scares me bc I just imagine being alive but half ur body is gone

I've always thought about it since I was young, and as I got older it got easier to plan and figure it out. My life is crumbling around me, I lost everything not but two days ago and I feel like I'm relapsing, it seems so easy to get some SN and just get it over with. It feels ridiculous to be 25 and to feel so fucking hopeless. I lost my home, my job, and the most important part of my life.

I see you, I hear you, and I'm here for now if that means anything from a stranger.

I thought about it when I was young too. Now I have nothing going on in life bc my mom basically set me up to fail.