Venting I can't live with myself anymore

[Painless_end]

So many here are in such pain. I wish them all peace and hope they make the right choice for themselves.

Coming to myself, I just can't live with myself anymore. I made some cowardly choices long ago and since then, my life has been very unsatisfactory.

I have not had any interest in my career lately. Everything boils down to an unfortunate lack of making a courageous choice many years ago that would have let me go to another country for education and a career. But I was too weak and cowardly, I overanalyzed and ultimately decided that I wanted to have less responsibility than what I would have had going there.

It seemed like the right choice for many years. But as things go, when you skip a certain responsibility in life at a certain point of time, it comes back to bite you later.

And now it has. The time of answering to myself for my own lack of ambition, allowing myself to become lazy and complacent.

My life was relatively stable all these years. But my time of reckoning has come. And now I can't live with what I chose.

Now there is only unhappiness in myself and my family.

How I wish I had the strength to choose differently. But my wishing makes no difference. As the saying goes, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride them.

Be careful, young members. If you are not seriously considering suicide you may still have a chance to rectify your life if you make wise choices. Consider the long term impacts. Don't end up like me, having to run away from everything and then regretting it later.

My time to face my own failures has come.

 

[madshepherd]

I am just a new member and maybe not appropriate for a new member to post a comment so quickly but I feel so similar to you. We know the problem, we know our mistakes. We still keep doing the same mistake. Now you want kind of a punishment for yourself for the mistakes you have made. But if you want to punish something, make it just. What made you lazy, what made you make those mistakes? Your emotional mind? Or your rational mind? Dont punish your rational mind or your body if they have done nothing wrong.

 

[subj]

Sorry this is so bad for u

 

[uselesswaste]

I'm in the same boat. I made choices based on others' words instead on my own interest or research. Now I feel i'm stuck and useless.

Be careful, young members. If you are not seriously considering suicide you may still have a chance to rectify your life if you make wise choices. Consider the long term impacts. Don't end up like me, having to run away from everything and then regretting it later.

These are the exact words I want to hear. Thank you ❤

I hope you can turn your life around and rectify the mistakes.

 

[Noctis]

I was in a similar situation. I worked a government job. The pay was not great, but I couldn't ignore the benefits and job security. As all my friends were getting raises, bonuses, promotions, and everything else, I was stagnating. I told myself it was worth it because I never worried if I was getting fired or laid off while everyone else seemed to constantly be between jobs.

I eventually decided I wasn't happy. Well into my 30's, I took an entry level job in the private sector. Much better pay, but I was sharing work with people straight out of college. It was definitely challenging, but it was worth it in the end and In in a much better place now.

The point of this long story is I don't know the exact details of your situation, but I do think it's never too late to fix things. Yes, it'll be hard and you'll have to sacrifice. But in ten years you'll be the same age regardless, so you might as well be that age and working towards something that'll make you happy.

 

[Crazy4u]

I relate to every word you said. I lost interest in my career because I failed to achieve what I want. I won't even try. It is over for me

 

[FuneralCry]

It really can be dreadful to be in a hopeless situation. It can be hard having to live with so many regrets as you cannot go back in time and change things. I'm sorry you are in this situation. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.