Venting I can't live with my regrets anymore.

[Oblivionis]

I've done so many things that I regret. in highschool, I stalked a girl and got caught and everyone who knew shunned me and I was alone. I just wanted to know her better, and I felt like an absolute disgusting creep. I rly wanted to CTB and felt so much despair, and I told my "friend" about it, but my "friend" called the police and they came up and took me to the hospital where i had to sit there for 5 hours until i talked to a psychiatrist who fucking recommended me anti-depressants. I refused to take them. I felt so bad for my teacher who was forced to stay there with me.

After that my "friend" shunned me along with the girl and she got everyone around her to shun me too. I will never outlive this shame.

Then a few years later, I started dating this girl who made me cut off everyone else in my life, and my friends all hated me. Then she broke up with me because I didn't want her to have an open relationship like she wanted, and she just dumped so easily and left me with no friends. I told my parents im depressed and they tried to help, and I love them, but I just can't stand the pain anymore.

Ive tried to CTB before but I never succeeded, and everyone i tell tries to stop me. this site is a breath of fresh air to me. Thanks for reading guys.

 

[twatingthroughlife]

I completely understand you. My situation is not that similar to yours but my regrets are one of the things that makes me wanna die the most. I traumatized myself by becoming an alcoholic at just 17 and eventually started using forgotten benzos that I stole from my parents. It got so bad I did so many horrible and embarrassing things that make me wanna rip my skin off whenever I remember them. When I got drunk and high at the same time it was the worst. I went out fucking naked in my fucking neighborhood and didn't know until my parents told me. I can't even go back to that neighborhood cuz I think I gave myself ptsd from that. I left my friends behind because of the embarrassment of just being like I was. And then my new friends who I have to see every day just recently saw me in a similar situation (fully clothed tho) I almost died in my friends arms and it just kills me. My existence is just so embarrassing. Sometimes I feel like I can't live with it. I just cope some other ways most of the time, like smoking and cutting, but it's not enough. I feel like I just need to die sometimes but I still for some reason think I have things to live for. It's just so hard to commit to dying but deep down, I think I'm meant to die young.

But yeah, I get it. Existence is embarrassing. I guess it's nice to know someone else gets it(?

 

[Oblivionis]

I completely understand you. My situation is not that similar to yours but my regrets are one of the things that makes me wanna die the most. I traumatized myself by becoming an alcoholic at just 17 and eventually started using forgotten benzos that I stole from my parents. It got so bad I did so many horrible and embarrassing things that make me wanna rip my skin off whenever I remember them. When I got drunk and high at the same time it was the worst. I went out fucking naked in my fucking neighborhood and didn't know until my parents told me. I can't even go back to that neighborhood cuz I think I gave myself ptsd from that. I left my friends behind because of the embarrassment of just being like I was. And then my new friends who I have to see every day just recently saw me in a similar situation (fully clothed tho) I almost died in my friends arms and it just kills me. My existence is just so embarrassing. Sometimes I feel like I can't live with it. I just cope some other ways most of the time, like smoking and cutting, but it's not enough. I feel like I just need to die sometimes but I still for some reason think I have things to live for. It's just so hard to commit to dying but deep down, I think I'm meant to die young.

But yeah, I get it. Existence is embarrassing. I guess it's nice to know someone else gets it(?

Yeah I totally get you man. I totally get how it feels, feels like the regrets can never go away. but hey at least now I'm away from those times and there's better stuff to look forward to now. Wish you the best man

 

[Andrew10]

In my case something similar happened to me but I didn't do anything, in my teenage years a good friend of mine pretended to be me to harass a girl in 2019 on instagram, then the girl deduced that it was me all this time because he always talked about my problems that I told him in confidence with the opportunity to be able to get closer to her, it hurts me a lot because this girl and I had a good relationship despite speaking little and she was one of the few people that I considered a good person at that time. She also did something bad, she was talking to strangers on the internet and leaked my information and problems to several unknown contacts in Peru with the intention of being picked on and harassed, I was harassed by strangers for 2 years while I had other personal problems in my life. Not to mention that she was telling more people what happened and I got bad looks, a lot of rejection and a terrible reputation, many people considered me to be a sick stalker. I tried to explain to her but in the end she didn't believe me and after all the bullshit that happened I highly doubt there is any hope that she will believe. After all, she betrayed me too and I'm not interested in having to clarify things in the hope that someone like that doesn't think horrible of me. It was a horrible time but that made me understand a deep meaning to the phrase "don't trust anyone".


That was simply a small event that happened in the past and I have left it in the past and I have other shit that I have been carrying which I am already fed up with. Currently I no longer have interest in trying to clean up my image and I don't really care what people think, I have a terrible and boring perspective on what this world is and I simply think about leaving it, I returned to this forum after recovering due to a failed suicide attempt with pure Helium, currently my eyesight is damaged but the hopes of trying again haven't gone away.


The same as you, this place is a great breath of pure air with a number of good and innocent damaged souls who want to leave this hell. Thank you very much for sharing your experience here. You are very brave for recognizing your mistakes and that already makes you a beautiful human being. I send you a big and strong hug friend

 

[Hevn]

I've done so many things that I regret. in highschool, I stalked a girl and got caught and everyone who knew shunned me and I was alone. I just wanted to know her better, and I felt like an absolute disgusting creep. I rly wanted to CTB and felt so much despair, and I told my "friend" about it, but my "friend" called the police and they came up and took me to the hospital where i had to sit there for 5 hours until i talked to a psychiatrist who fucking recommended me anti-depressants. I refused to take them. I felt so bad for my teacher who was forced to stay there with me.

After that my "friend" shunned me along with the girl and she got everyone around her to shun me too. I will never outlive this shame.

Then a few years later, I started dating this girl who made me cut off everyone else in my life, and my friends all hated me. Then she broke up with me because I didn't want her to have an open relationship like she wanted, and she just dumped so easily and left me with no friends. I told my parents im depressed and they tried to help, and I love them, but I just can't stand the pain anymore.

Ive tried to CTB before but I never succeeded, and everyone i tell tries to stop me. this site is a breath of fresh air to me. Thanks for reading guys.

It's not your fault in your story. The blame lies on the girl who betrayed you.

I was also betrayed by a monster who pretended to be a girl with a childish face and clear eyes, as it seemed to me naively.


And I have made many mistakes in my life.
I betrayed my principles. I committed several sins. I didn't take revenge on the monsters that tormented me. I feel like I betrayed my essence.
I hate myself for this.

 

[Andrew10]

It's not your fault in your story. The blame lies on the girl who betrayed you.

I was also betrayed by a monster who pretended to be a girl with a childish face and clear eyes, as it seemed to me naively.


And I have made many mistakes in my life.
I betrayed my principles. I committed several sins. I didn't take revenge on the monsters that tormented me. I feel like I betrayed my essence.
I hate myself for this.

The same for you too, it requires courage to recognize and accept mistakes. Maybe you were not aware or didn't think about the consequences, but you are someone different from what you were in the past, that already makes you a great and good person. You were just another soul betrayed in this cruel world.

I send a big hug to you too.