I can't handle being alive for another second

[Un-]

I hate existing every single day. I hate that I don't have what I need to die.

I'm sick of people. I'm tired of their bullshit. No one, in particular, but I just hate having to give a shit about shit that is shit... Having to get up, and go to school, and act/look somewhat sane, but deep inside I know I'd be the first dude in line for medically assisted euthanasia.

I'm tired of this forum. There's only so much care you can give, and as someone who doesn't even love their own flesh and blood, that care is quite small from the get-go. I tired of how repetitive it is. I'm tired of the stupid questions. I'm tired of the same questions being repeated over and over again. The thing that drives me up the wall the most is goodbye posts.. I'm increasingly envious of people that get the opportunity to die. Complain all I want, I can't go anywhere else. I'm better of trashing every piece of technology I have, because if it weren't for this forum, I wouldn't need them. I have nowhere else to go, nothing else to do. My existence is utterly pathetic. It's fucking pathetic, and I'm tired of it.

I don't even have the strength to open my eyes, anymore. From the bottom of my heart, I wish for death. I try to reduce my suffering by trying to see life in a positive way. So many people say they love life, and so I'm trying to see why - but I don't see anything.

I cannot fathom how anyone would want to be on this planet for another second. For every good thing, there is its satanist counterpart that always outshines it. Sex? Sexual abuse, sex addiction. Love? Heartbreak? Drugs? Drugs. Money? Free time, stress, the loss of self. Maybe I'm being ignorant, but as each day passes.. Sigh.

Fucking get me off this planet.

Even writing this post was a nightmare. It's impossible, now, to analyse my suffering because it's one big blur that screams "for the love of Christ and Lucifer, murder me!". Sigh.

 

[hamvil]

I share your feelings. I truly do. I am in a couch all day long just passively watching youtube. I even stoped watching porn because it takes too much energy.

I like the goodbye posts as well. They make me cry very often but at least I cry of happiness as opposed to me crying everynight before going to bed.

I get what you mean when you say that the forum is repetitive. I am a person that likes routine and repetitive things, so I do not mind seeing or reading often the same things. After all it is a forum with a very specific theme and it is normal that the same question pop up. For me it is like experiencing a world that resonate the same way I do. It is quite relaxing tbh. Everything outside from here feels against me.

 

[rodie9k]

hey, I'm sorry you're stuck forced to live. it can be frustrating. that was my condition when I was caged in a psychiatric hospital. forcing someone to live against their will is objectively evil

also yes, the people around me seem like aliens. they actually enjoy things, and they smile and laugh and feel safe. I can't remember the last time I felt any of that. I feel extremely alone in my experience of life

sorry if you've been asked this before, but what things are you lacking that you need to die?

 

[Un-]

hey, I'm sorry you're stuck forced to live. it can be frustrating. that was my condition when I was caged in a psychiatric hospital. forcing someone to live against their will is objectively evil

also yes, the people around me seem like aliens. they actually enjoy things, and they smile and laugh and feel safe. I can't remember the last time I felt any of that. I feel extremely alone in my experience of life

sorry if you've been asked this before, but what things are you lacking that you need to die?

Indeed. I mean even the people on this forum.. I read what they say sometimes, and some of them don't want to die. Some of them have love in their life. Some of them enjoy this and that. I feel entirely disconnected from it all. Heh. Imagine.. not even being able to feel connected to people who supposedly are going through the same shit as you are.

SN. I'd like that. I could partially hang, or slit my wrists, but they're both unreliable; and with the resources I have, they'll be quite uncomfortable/painful to do. I'll eventually get the holy salt one day. You don't happen to have any spare, don't you?

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I wish everyone could have access to a peaceful means of escaping this world. If only we could go down to the pharmacy and get meds that can help us die peacefully in the same aisle as the ibuprofen (and the Meto if it was over the counter). I feel the way you do most days, but occasionally I have days where I'm less certain about what I want and decide to stick around for however long that feeling lasts.

Hopefully you can get the SN soon. It would be cool if you could get some extra from someone here who already has it, but I don't know how risky it would be for someone to try mailing it when it isn't coming from a food production company.

 

[Un-]

It would be cool if you could get some extra from someone here who already has it, but I don't know how risky it would be for someone to try mailing it when it isn't coming from a food production company

I was joking, heh. I mean I wouldn't say no, but that's illegal. Assisted suicide.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you're suffering

 

[[HNO]]

lately only i do is rotting in the room. eating, masturbating and sleep and waiting when i get energy and resolve to top myself. this life is incredibly stupid, boring and gross. i don't bother myself w/ reflections and rationalizations as everything is quite simple - consciousness is a prison

fortunately the line between to live or don't becomes narrower to cross in my case only suitable place needed(just gathered all shit to off myself). to find this place i need to leave mothers basement and roam the city to find a fucking room in an abandoned building

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I was joking, heh. I mean I wouldn't say no, but that's illegal. Assisted suicide.

If only we could get those laws changed to make it legal. Then we'd be in business!

 

[SunshineAndSuicide]

I was joking, heh. I mean I wouldn't say no, but that's illegal. Assisted suicide.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much. I wish I had like a whole kg of SN to give you. I would gladly assist in ending all this pain. I said what I said.

 

[Un-]

lately only i do is rotting in the room. eating, masturbating and sleep and waiting when i get energy and resolve to top myself. this life is incredibly stupid, boring and gross. i don't bother myself w/ reflections and rationalizations as everything is quite simple - consciousness is a prison

You sound exactly like me. Sigh. I just.. for the life of me.. many, many people have tried to convince me to live. Many people have tried to tell me that if I just did x and y, that I could live a better life. I know damn well I can get better. But I know damn well that regardless if I do, life is an abusive partner with vipers for fingers, and dried semen and shit for teeth. It's disgusting. It's damning. It's torturous. How could anyone ever love it? I don't understand.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much. I wish I had like a whole kg of SN to give you. I would gladly assist in ending all this pain. I said what I said.

I'd fucking consume all 1000 grams of that SN - no antiemic needed heh. Not even water.

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[[HNO]]

How could anyone ever love it? I don't understand.

my family is a prime example of the so called 'NPCs', ppl died inside but not realized this, they don't love the life, they whine about it whenever possible and laugh one second after when funny short in tiktok appears. they just perfectly conditioned to tolerate its mundanity, routine and senselessness . they mindlessly browsing tiktok and youtube all day, working on plain dead end jobs and stuffing refined garbage in themself to continue what they repeated yesterday for dozen of thousands times w/o any aspirations of higher goals, existence for the sake of existence. it's maybe matter of awareness about the world. but idk sometimes i feel that world is unreal and simulated

 

[Un-]

my family is a prime example of the so called 'NPCs', ppl died inside but not realized this, they don't love the life, they whine about it whenever possible and laugh one second after when funny short in tiktok appears. they just perfectly conditioned to tolerate its mundanity, routine and senselessness . they mindlessly browsing tiktok and youtube all day, working on plain dead end jobs and stuffing refined garbage in themself to continue what they repeated yesterday for dozen of thousands times w/o any aspirations of higher goals, existence for the sake of existence. it's maybe matter of awareness about the world. but idk sometimes i feel that world is unreal and simulated

I know you didn't say it, but I don't think.. liking life has something to do with intelligence. Truth be told, I don't know what it is. I think you said it best though. "Existence for the sake of existence".

Maybe I'm just defective. Who knows? Maybe, for example, love for someone is justifiable enough to be endlessly violated by our abuser. I don't know. It pisses me off to a high extreme that, because of this attitude that life is some voluptuous Aphrodite to be adored, available suicide has, is, and always will be forbidden. God damn you. God damn we. God damn us. God damn our souls.

 

[Hollowillow]

I hate existing every single day. I hate that I don't have what I need to die.

I'm sick of people. I'm tired of their bullshit. No one, in particular, but I just hate having to give a shit about shit that is shit... Having to get up, and go to school, and act/look somewhat sane, but deep inside I know I'd be the first dude in line for medically assisted euthanasia.

I'm tired of this forum. There's only so much care you can give, and as someone who doesn't even love their own flesh and blood, that care is quite small from the get-go. I tired of how repetitive it is. I'm tired of the stupid questions. I'm tired of the same questions being repeated over and over again. The thing that drives me up the wall the most is goodbye posts.. I'm increasingly envious of people that get the opportunity to die. Complain all I want, I can't go anywhere else. I'm better of trashing every piece of technology I have, because if it weren't for this forum, I wouldn't need them. I have nowhere else to go, nothing else to do. My existence is utterly pathetic. It's fucking pathetic, and I'm tired of it.

I don't even have the strength to open my eyes, anymore. From the bottom of my heart, I wish for death. I try to reduce my suffering by trying to see life in a positive way. So many people say they love life, and so I'm trying to see why - but I don't see anything.

I cannot fathom how anyone would want to be on this planet for another second. For every good thing, there is its satanist counterpart that always outshines it. Sex? Sexual abuse, sex addiction. Love? Heartbreak? Drugs? Drugs. Money? Free time, stress, the loss of self. Maybe I'm being ignorant, but as each day passes.. Sigh.

Fucking get me off this planet.

Even writing this post was a nightmare. It's impossible, now, to analyse my suffering because it's one big blur that screams "for the love of Christ and Lucifer, murder me!". Sigh.

I feel the same and I wish I could.

To try to be original & surprize you...

*Puts a shirt on you with the text "fuck positivity" and a party hat on your head. Throws confettis above your head mixed with arsenic* we'll all die someday. The universe lasts a long time, so compared to that it's SOON!

 

[Un-]

I feel the same and I wish I could.

To try to be original & surprize you...

*Puts a shirt on you with the text "fuck positivity" and a party hat on your head. Throws confettis above your head mixed with arsenic* we'll all die someday. The universe lasts a long time, so compared to that it's SOON!

Me and the bois (and gals) when our SN comes through, and we can finally end our miserable and pointless existence:

 

[Hollowillow]

my family is a prime example of the so called 'NPCs', ppl died inside but not realized this, they don't love the life, they whine about it whenever possible and laugh one second after when funny short in tiktok appears. they just perfectly conditioned to tolerate its mundanity, routine and senselessness . they mindlessly browsing tiktok and youtube all day, working on plain dead end jobs and stuffing refined garbage in themself to continue what they repeated yesterday for dozen of thousands times w/o any aspirations of higher goals, existence for the sake of existence. it's maybe matter of awareness about the world. but idk sometimes i feel that world is unreal and simulated

Being an npc would be an upgrade from my crippled life

 

[rodie9k]

Imagine.. not even being able to feel connected to people who supposedly are going through the same shit as you are

would you feel better if there were people who gave you a sense of belonging? if so, there's also something you might enjoy. maybe you're not as apathetic as you think?

my packet of SN is arriving next Friday. idk about mailing it, but you could come over to collect some. heck, we could die together

If only we could go down to the pharmacy and get meds that can help us die peacefully in the same aisle as the ibuprofen (and the Meto if it was over the counter)

while I agree theoretically, making suicide easy also makes murder easy. but yeah, I wish suicide was easily accessible in a way that's safe

they don't love the life, they whine about it whenever possible

maybe they don't love everything about life, but they seem to enjoy TikTok, Youtube, and eating refined garbage? on the balance, they're happy enough to not kill themselves? I don't judge what people do for happiness, if it makes them happy that's what matters

 

[hamvil]

my family is a prime example of the so called 'NPCs', ppl died inside but not realized this, they don't love the life, they whine about it whenever possible and laugh one second after when funny short in tiktok appears. they just perfectly conditioned to tolerate its mundanity, routine and senselessness . they mindlessly browsing tiktok and youtube all day, working on plain dead end jobs and stuffing refined garbage in themself to continue what they repeated yesterday for dozen of thousands times w/o any aspirations of higher goals, existence for the sake of existence. it's maybe matter of awareness about the world. but idk sometimes i feel that world is unreal and simulated

Nope, they are the majority. The fucked up are we mental people, we got convinced that we need to find a meaning in life or that the life is not worth living if that meaning is lost. They will be happy all days of their silly lives because they have a low bar and lost interest in looking into things, we remain here to suffer. I envy them. Would love to be a Skyrim NPC, not sure if there are games with even dumber NPC.

Disclaimer: this post is supposed to sound sarcastic. I probably failed at that, sorry.

 

[Un-]

would you feel better if there were people who gave you a sense of belonging? if so, there's also something you might enjoy. maybe you're not as apathetic as you think?

I haven't felt the feeling of enjoyment for a long time. I don't even remember.. I doubt that belonging is something I'd enjoy. It severely depresses me to realise how anhedonistic I am.

my packet of SN is arriving next Friday. idk about mailing it, but you could come over to collect some. heck, we could die together

Heh. If I had a car, lived nearby you, and had the mental fortitude to go outside of my house, believe you me I'd be standing right by you when that packet comes through the door.

 

[Hollowillow]

would you feel better if there were people who gave you a sense of belonging? if so, there's also something you might enjoy. maybe you're not as apathetic as you think?

my packet of SN is arriving next Friday. idk about mailing it, but you could come over to collect some. heck, we could die together


while I agree theoretically, making suicide easy also makes murder easy. but yeah, I wish suicide was easily accessible in a way that's safe


maybe they don't love everything about life, but they seem to enjoy TikTok, Youtube, and eating refined garbage? on the balance, they're happy enough to not kill themselves? I don't judge what people do for happiness, if it makes them happy that's what matters

How generous of you to share! Where are you from? How many didyu order? Would be sad to both fail if you need 2nd or 3rd doses.

Nope, they are the majority. The fucked up are we mental people, we got convinced that we need to find a meaning in life or that the life is not worth living if that meaning is lost. They will be happy all days of their silly lives because they have a low bar and lost interest in looking into things, we remain here to suffer. I envy them. Would love to be a Skyrim NPC, not sure if there are games with even dumber NPC.

Disclaimer: this post is supposed to sound sarcastic. I probably failed at that, sorry.

I think the majority is depressed and stuck in the denial phase of grief. I LOVE how everyone is so lucid here!

I used to master sarcasm but everything you said sounds true.

I haven't felt the feeling of enjoyment for a long time. I don't even remember.. I doubt that belonging is something I'd enjoy. It severely depresses me to realise how anhedonistic I am.


Heh. If I had a car, lived nearby you, and had the mental fortitude to go outside of my house, believe you me I'd be standing right by you when that packet comes through the door.

You belong here. It's a tiny grain of sand compared to a frozen mountain of traumas, but I know you love us even when you kick us in the face.

I kinda have the urge to slam in the face with a shovel, then do a burrial party. Please see this as a sign of affection. My heart is weird sorry

 

[FuneralCry]

This forum just reminds me of how much I can't relate to people, it just makes me feel so alone even know feeling alone isn't a negative thing for me. I would rather be alone anyway. People often just make things worse so it's better to be alone. I guess as humans we are all alone really as no one can really understand what we go through we all experience life differently. There really is nothing here for me in this world, I was certainly never meant for living.

Most people who come on this site just come on here for methods and just go and the repetitive questions are because new members cannot instantly get the search function and this website is confusing with all the acronyms and those people just want to desperately die. It's pointless staying around on this website for a long time, I also don't get why people would want to exist. Life is not satisfying or desirable. Life is just endless problems and misery which can easily get worse. To die really is ideal, it's the best thing possible as to die solves everything, everything that is wrong with life would die with me and I just want to forget. I really envy those who are gone as they are free from the prison of existence, nothing can hurt them.

 

[Un-]

This forum just reminds me of how much I can't relate to people, it just makes me feel so alone even know feeling alone isn't a negative thing for me. I would rather be alone anyway. People often just make things worse so it's better to be alone. I guess as humans we are all alone really as no one can really understand what we go through we all experience life differently. There really is nothing here for me in this world, I was certainly never meant for living.

Most people who come on this site just come on here for methods and just go and the repetitive questions are because new members cannot instantly get the search function and this website is confusing with all the acronyms and those people just want to desperately die. It's pointless staying around on this website for a long time, I also don't get why people would want to exist. Life is not satisfying or desirable. Life is just endless problems and misery which can easily get worse. To die really is ideal, it's the best thing possible as to die solves everything, everything that is wrong with life would die with me and I just want to forget. I really envy those who are gone as they are free from the prison of existence, nothing can hurt them.

Heh, you get it.

I don't know which realisation makes me feel worse: the fact that my parents selfishly decided to bring me into this cruel world (this is one reason why I can't say that I love them. How could you love someone, but bring them into a hell of your own making?), or the fact that it is absurdly difficult to leave it.

Life is suffering as it is, but most people have some sort of coping mechanism. They have family. They have friends, or a love interest, or this forum, or whatever it is. But I assure you there's no greater suffering, than suffering needlessly, with no way to distract yourself. Sigh.

I cannot wait to die.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

while I agree theoretically, making suicide easy also makes murder easy. but yeah, I wish suicide was easily accessible in a way that's safe

I guess there's still a downside to that unfortunately, just like most things. At the very least, it should be possible to get pentobarbital as a prescription so more people can have access to it and end their suffering.

By the way, your profile pic looks really cool, but last night I couldn't figure out if the cat really had 4 eyes or if I ate too big of a gummy and got high enough to see double.

 

[SecretDissociation]

I relate so much. It's so tiring to just keep pretending and then pretending to aspire and then pretend to pretend to aspire. All of it just seems like a trap to force us into surviving and I too am at my wits end. Perhaps one day there will be a mutual understanding that will make the "fulfilling living" see what we have to go through in order to live? Genuinely wish I could sleep forever too

 

[Un-]

I relate so much. It's so tiring to just keep pretending and then pretending to aspire and then pretend to pretend to aspire. All of it just seems like a trap to force us into surviving and I too am at my wits end. Perhaps one day there will be a mutual understanding that will make the "fulfilling living" see what we have to go through in order to live? Genuinely wish I could sleep forever too

It saddens me that even one person relates to how I feel. No one should ever feel this way. The physical comparison to this would be hovering on the brink of death.. Sigh. I'm sorry.