qualityOV3Rquantity
Student
- Jul 27, 2024
- 171
For the sake of my family, my friends, and myself, I want to get better. I desperately don't want to die by suicide. But my physical condition is so awful that I feel like I barely have a choice.
If you saw me in public, I would look like a normal, healthy young man. Very healthy, in fact. I look quite fit, and I exercise regularly. But inside, there is so much awful pain. I have irritable bowel syndrome, worse than the average case. I almost constantly feel pressure, burning, twisting, or cramping inside of me. I can't eat normal food anymore. I can barely eat anything without causing myself horrible pain. I despise every bite of food I eat because I know it will feel like battery acid in my small intestine, and barbed wire in my large intestine.
And yet I'm "healthy". Every test comes back normal. No inflammation, no tumors, no nothing. But how can I be thankful when every day is spent in pain?
I want to get better, but I can't accept living with this level of pain. My therapist just doesn't understand, I am not going to accept this much pain. I can compromise, I can live with this condition if it's more under control, but not how it is now. It hurts too much, I can barely concentrate most of the time. If I was 80 and going to die soon, I could accept holding on until a natural death. But I'm 24, and I can't endure decades longer of this. I need relief. I want to get better, but my body won't let me. I can barely think.
If you saw me in public, I would look like a normal, healthy young man. Very healthy, in fact. I look quite fit, and I exercise regularly. But inside, there is so much awful pain. I have irritable bowel syndrome, worse than the average case. I almost constantly feel pressure, burning, twisting, or cramping inside of me. I can't eat normal food anymore. I can barely eat anything without causing myself horrible pain. I despise every bite of food I eat because I know it will feel like battery acid in my small intestine, and barbed wire in my large intestine.
And yet I'm "healthy". Every test comes back normal. No inflammation, no tumors, no nothing. But how can I be thankful when every day is spent in pain?
I want to get better, but I can't accept living with this level of pain. My therapist just doesn't understand, I am not going to accept this much pain. I can compromise, I can live with this condition if it's more under control, but not how it is now. It hurts too much, I can barely concentrate most of the time. If I was 80 and going to die soon, I could accept holding on until a natural death. But I'm 24, and I can't endure decades longer of this. I need relief. I want to get better, but my body won't let me. I can barely think.