Venting I can't find the courage to do it

[yuri77]

I am literally suffering everyday, I can't even remember the last time I genuinely felt happy but it's like I'm obligated to keep living just so I don't make anyone sad. It is so unfair. Why do I have to feel so guilty about wanting peace for myself? I wish I had someone who could kill me or give me the last push so I can take my own life. It genuinely feels so cruel that I have to keep living like this. I feel like a sick animal that needs to be euthanized.

 

[cookji]

I'm struggling a lot too. It's really hard

 

[yuri77]

I'm struggling a lot too. It's really hard

I wish my family hated me so it could be easier to do it

 

[aufrechtm7]

It sounds like theres some SI involved yeah, but also a lot of empathy holding you back. that says a lot about you in my book, idk what the last push would be for you but I think its better to go at your own hands

 

[yuri77]

It sounds like theres some SI involved yeah, but also a lot of empathy holding you back. that says a lot about you in my book, idk what the last push would be for you but I think its better to go at your own hands

I'm not even a good person but I am a people pleaser when it comes to people who are close to me, I guess last push could be someone really encouraging me to do it or something bad happening in my life. I'm not scared of death, I just wish it came naturally instead of me having to do it because then my family wouldn't suffer with the guilt after I die since they couldn't have prevented it.

 

[singingcrow]

it's a really hard thing to do.
on the day it happens, i just hope i don't back out

i need to stay determined….

 

[ruggatt]

the only thing stopping me all this time is im scared of death. i did get my push recently after all these years, and ordered my SN. i will be checking out soon. whatever you choose i hope you get your peace. sending you a lot of hugs