Venting i cant even get people to like me online with a fake personality, i just want to ctb

[maidens]

for!!! months!!!! I've completely altered my personality and the way I act on my public social media accounts, and even then I can't get popular. I can't stand this anymore lol I see people who act very similarly to how I do online publicly with thousands of followers and it pisses me off so bad, I've been deluding myself just to get people to like me ao I can be popular for so long and nothing is working. please please don't reply to this with something like "just be yourself" I did and that didn't help

I have no friends irl at all & don't go out often, I quite literally grew up on the internet which SEVERELY fucked up my ability to communicate irl and gave me very very bad social anxiety. if I get into an argument with a family member I literally have to text them to properly explain how I feel. completely changing how I act on my public accounts was pretty much a last resort. one of the only things that makes me a little happy is seeing my follower count & the amount of likes I get per post go up.

I guess since I'm probably going to ctb within the next like 2 months it doesn't really matter but maybe if I actually got popular I might even consider putting it off for longer. if I ctb like this I'll be forgotten online within a few weeks and that thought terrifies me. the internet is my only escape but it's also further ruined me. I just don't know what to do anymore I d9nt want to keep going

 

[heisenberg]

i'm sorry you're going through this. i had similar experiences in the past. i constantly would put on this facade online - taking highly posed pictures with outfits and makeup id never wear outside, trying my best to look like other people, and copying the personality of the people i was trying to look like. personally, and how it seems for you too, it just led me to a deeper hole. i didn't feel happy unless i got validation online. being trapped in that mindset sucks. the only thing that got me out of it is that i had a really bad falling out with someone i met on my social media account. it was so bad i ended up deleting my account and blocked everyone i had got to know personally on my new one. i stopped trying to become popular after that. ultimately, it's an extremely depressing and unfulfilling situation. im sorry things have come down to ctb, but don't blame yourself for not being better or more popular or more like other people. i promise you're enough as yourself. good luck on your journey <3

 

[FallenfromGrace]

Hey if it makes you feel any better at all I think we're like the same person lol. Except I don't have the energy to try even being fake anymore. So

 

[RemainingDubious]

please please don't reply to this with something like "just be yourself" I did and that didn't help

i don't mean to pass judgement or anything or even tell you what to do or not to do. You don't even need to tell me the answer but it might be worth asking yourself: can people ever truly like you, if you're not even being you?

"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

i don't mean to pass judgement or anything or even tell you what to do or not to do. You don't even need to tell me the answer but it might be worth asking yourself: can people ever truly like you, if you're not even being you?

"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

In my personal experience, faking a personality can be extremely emotionally taxing. When you make friends online thru that personality, those people only know that version of you, which isn't really you, and you have to keep up the facade in the event they find out you're not really like that, and it's way more lonely and isolating to live like that. You'd be living a lie. It's not worth it for the popularity because even as the numbers go up on social media, they're arbitrary.

From the perspective of someone in these situations, the amount of numbers you have are ultimately meaningless because trying to be popular just makes you more lonely. You need to make relationships built on who you feel you are. It's more complicated than saying to "just be yourself". I'd rather stay lonely than have people befriend me based on a facade.