I can't even get anything from cutting anymore

[AndroidAmongHumans]

I've been a cutter since I was 16, and it's been a way for me to deal with things for the longest time. When I cut, I feel like I can focus, like I have my shit together at least enough to be presentable to the public (as long as I'm wearing long pants), like I can keep marching on despite the noise inside my head and how much I don't want to exist. But I tried again today after being "good" and not cutting for almost a year, and I can't fucking feel it or get any relief from it any more. It doesn't sting and hurt at all to give me anything to focus on when the blade hits my skin, it doesn't leave the inside of my head calmer for even a second. I don't feel emotionless in that pragmatic peaceful way the day after for even a moment.nThat shit was my most potent, surefire way of forcing my brain and body back on track to do the things I need to do, and now it means nothing.

 

[Anonymousa]

Yep, I been having that too. I getting less and less out of cutting even if I haven't done it in a while so I don't really do it now. I don't mind the consequences of scars so it's not like I wanted to quit doing it. I wish I had more sustainable coping mechanisms .

 

[trapdoor]

I relate. Been cutting for ~11 years, stopped for a few months, was going through a shit time so tried to cut, and it just hurt. Felt no relief. If anything, made it worse. I havent cut since then. Still have all my old scars, though.

 

[ctemourge]

deeply relate to this. started at around 9, 22 now. sometimes the one thing that does calm me down was cutting and now its just a complete 180. i even panic doing it now sometimes.

 

[dragonofenvy]

I used to cut a lot when I was younger and would always feel guilty about it after. I've recently been wanting to do it again because I don't have any other way of dealing with how I feel. Every time I get close I feel the shame well up and this just makes me feel even worse. Then I just end up laying in bed and staring at the ceiling for the whole day. I just want a little bit of relief from the shit days I've been having, but that's too much to ask for. What are we supposed to do?