I can't do this anymore

[LostToSociety]

I was in love, so in love with this boy. he was my god and i was his, we worshiped each other. I talked to him constatly, i spent every minute with him i could, he was the first person to see me naked, the first person who made me like who i was. for the first time love felt unconditional. But he was heavily suicial, unlike many people he didnt just want to make the pain stop he genuinely wanted to die and i don't know how to emphasize for others without becoming them. As he got worse so did i, and the first time i cut myself successfully, he saw the marks and it triggered him badly and he got extremely cold during our conversation about it. From there things only escalted until finally we got here. I attempted like a month or two ago, i overdosed, failed, got thrown in a psych ward and now have to act like im completley fine around my fucking parents, and my coworkers. On the day of my attempt we got in a fight, he didn't even say he loved me one last time, im blocked on everything and he told my parents i was forbiden from visiting his apartment or trying to reach him at all, he gave back all the things i had gotten for our apartment, and i miss him, i miss him so so badly. I thought i wanted him gone until he was. But more than anything i want to die so so bad. My attempt only taught me my surity in my decision, but i won't do a public suicide and i will do nothing that could potentially hurt a stranger (such as jumping in front of a train) and honestly i just need something to make it stop because i'm delusional if i think he will ever take me back after the horrible things i said and did to him. I dont like what i've become. i don't like how angry i am and i just want it to stop. So please, i will accept any ideas, even on SH because god knows i can't do that right either. whenever i try to cut i cant ever get deep enough even with a sharp knife i can't bypass my bodys system, even if i do get it deep my body learns quickly and im unable to copy the same method next time. I just need anything to make it stop and fucking mindfullness just won't cut it

 

[RawRX3]

I don't really have ideas but if you want a talking buddy I can do that at least <3

I'm sad things ended so terribly for you, support <3 TwT

 

[LostToSociety]

I don't really have ideas but if you want a talking buddy I can do that at least <3

I'm sad things ended so terribly for you, support <3 TwT

how do you private chat

 

[RawRX3]

how do you private chat

ummm, thats a great question. I think there are two ways. the one i know is you go to the mail icon by your name at the top, click it, then click 'start a new conversation', enter the name of the person you want to message, and then write the message/send.

idk about the second way, it has something to do with the chat icon that looks like speech bubbles maybe but I've never done that one ^^"

 

[lastappleonearth]

I was in love, so in love with this boy. he was my god and i was his, we worshiped each other. I talked to him constatly, i spent every minute with him i could, he was the first person to see me naked, the first person who made me like who i was. for the first time love felt unconditional. But he was heavily suicial, unlike many people he didnt just want to make the pain stop he genuinely wanted to die and i don't know how to emphasize for others without becoming them. As he got worse so did i, and the first time i cut myself successfully, he saw the marks and it triggered him badly and he got extremely cold during our conversation about it. From there things only escalted until finally we got here. I attempted like a month or two ago, i overdosed, failed, got thrown in a psych ward and now have to act like im completley fine around my fucking parents, and my coworkers. On the day of my attempt we got in a fight, he didn't even say he loved me one last time, im blocked on everything and he told my parents i was forbiden from visiting his apartment or trying to reach him at all, he gave back all the things i had gotten for our apartment, and i miss him, i miss him so so badly. I thought i wanted him gone until he was. But more than anything i want to die so so bad. My attempt only taught me my surity in my decision, but i won't do a public suicide and i will do nothing that could potentially hurt a stranger (such as jumping in front of a train) and honestly i just need something to make it stop because i'm delusional if i think he will ever take me back after the horrible things i said and did to him. I dont like what i've become. i don't like how angry i am and i just want it to stop. So please, i will accept any ideas, even on SH because god knows i can't do that right either. whenever i try to cut i cant ever get deep enough even with a sharp knife i can't bypass my bodys system, even if i do get it deep my body learns quickly and im unable to copy the same method next time. I just need anything to make it stop and fucking mindfullness just won't cut it

The thing abt wanting them gone until they are really gone is so true, it's awful. I thought I wanted sb gone, but when she rlly left, I regretted it terribly, and I still do. Missing sb, who won't come back is painful.
I'm sorry it didn't work out for u, hope it gets better somehow tho

 

[LostToSociety]

ummm, thats a great question. I think there are two ways. the one i know is you go to the mail icon by your name at the top, click it, then click 'start a new conversation', enter the name of the person you want to message, and then write the message/send.

idk about the second way, it has something to do with the chat icon that looks like speech bubbles maybe but I've never done that one ^^"

it won't let me start a new conversation, maybe if you message me first?

 

[RawRX3]

it won't let me start a new conversation, maybe if you message me first?

It stopped me from starting one with you too.

Could it be your privacy settings maybe? Here's mine for example of you need help finding them ^^

 

[LostToSociety]

It stopped me from starting one with you too.

Could it be your privacy settings maybe? Here's mine for example of you need help finding them ^^

i changed it so people i follow can message me if you wanna try again? it still won't let me message you

 

[RawRX3]

i changed it so people i follow can message me if you wanna try again? it still won't let me message you

yeah I followed to make sure and tried but seems like there's just some reason we can't chat that way TwT

I've no idea why ,>w<,