Venting I cant do this anymore

[Luckiest7]

I have horrible abandonment issues. I wasn't raised the best and I feel so suicidal because of how awkward and immature I ended up being. I don't want to blame my parents, I feel like its all my fault I didnt try to experience any failures and go through more trial and error. I was going to try and recover. I was trying to learn how to drive, talk to more people, put myself out there and try to own an apartment or house soon. But theres so much more to maturing and owning shit wont change my maturity for me. I feel so naive and stupid and slow.
I feel like im doomed to be stunted. It probably isnt late for me and I have a chance but lately it feels like im becoming an inconvenience to my loved ones rather than a comfort. I come off as a clueless teenager guessing what to say rather than an experienced individual who knows or can empathize. I know I'm being pretty negative but I really am scared of my loved ones being annoyed with me and eventually leaving.
I dont have access to SN but with enough posts ill find a source. I thought about collecting my meds and some alcohol might knock me out bad. Im not sure but i wish i was gone

 

[narayana0121]

I relate to what you say about the feeling stupid part. I've heard it's pretty normal to feel that way about your feelings, especially if you grew up in an environment where you were not allowed to freely express yourself. This has been my reason for never talking to anyone about my feelings or going to see a therapist.
And yeah, growing up without the most stable home life with fighting parents, and not having many friends in school to hang out with made me fall behind my peers socially. They just have an ability to be themselves so freely that I just have never been able to achieve, and I feel like I never will. If you're still relatively young, I suppose there is still time to change your ways, its just really hard.
It does feel incredibly overwhelming and daunting to list out your problems in your head and see just how massive the list is, but the fact that you did take initiative to make steps like learning to drive is great. I really hope things do get better for you if you choose to keep giving life a chance

 

[cruelexistence]

I have horrible abandonment issues. I wasn't raised the best and I feel so suicidal because of how awkward and immature I ended up being. I don't want to blame my parents, I feel like its all my fault I didnt try to experience any failures and go through more trial and error. I was going to try and recover. I was trying to learn how to drive, talk to more people, put myself out there and try to own an apartment or house soon. But theres so much more to maturing and owning shit wont change my maturity for me. I feel so naive and stupid and slow.
I feel like im doomed to be stunted. It probably isnt late for me and I have a chance but lately it feels like im becoming an inconvenience to my loved ones rather than a comfort. I come off as a clueless teenager guessing what to say rather than an experienced individual who knows or can empathize. I know I'm being pretty negative but I really am scared of my loved ones being annoyed with me and eventually leaving.
I dont have access to SN but with enough posts ill find a source. I thought about collecting my meds and some alcohol might knock me out bad. Im not sure but i wish i was gone

I'm sorry to hear you feel this way. I can relate with a lot of what you say. Existence is truely cruel. Hope you find peace!