Venting I can't deal with my life anymore

[Alisalyx]

I really don't know what to do, I am in so much pain, drowned in memories, I pass all day taking drugs to distract myself but I still end up crying, every time I put my head on the bed I can't stop remembering, I can't stop thinking, I can't stop missing them
Tomorrow I've got surgery too and honestly i'm more sad that I'll be lonely than anything, I don't even know why I do it
I'm trans and I don't even have the strength to take hormones anymore, I keep loosing my hairs and stuff.. I fast every night hoping I will be able to ctb but I can't bring myself to do it. Waking up is so painful, I usually stay awake most of the night, but when I come home everything hits me like a brick. It's like running away makes it hit all at once. If I stay home I just cry and suffer, without even being able to sleep.

I wish I could just ctb, I have sn, but I keep hoping and it's honestly a torture because deep down I know I'm hoping for nothing
I wish this hell to end, I wish I could find the strength to do it
My emotions are so strong I can barely do anything, my head is exploding, I can't stand all this anymore

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be so horrible and tiring what you are going through, it's cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[jussrav]

Thats really not good but I know how u feel as in the same boat. Hugs

 

[J&L383]

Yes, so many of us are feeling this way for so many very reasons. Ugh!

 

[jussrav]

I really don't know what to do, I am in so much pain, drowned in memories, I pass all day taking drugs to distract myself but I still end up crying, every time I put my head on the bed I can't stop remembering, I can't stop thinking, I can't stop missing them
Tomorrow I've got surgery too and honestly i'm more sad that I'll be lonely than anything, I don't even know why I do it
I'm trans and I don't even have the strength to take hormones anymore, I keep loosing my hairs and stuff.. I fast every night hoping I will be able to ctb but I can't bring myself to do it. Waking up is so painful, I usually stay awake most of the night, but when I come home everything hits me like a brick. It's like running away makes it hit all at once. If I stay home I just cry and suffer, without even being able to sleep.

I wish I could just ctb, I have sn, but I keep hoping and it's honestly a torture because deep down I know I'm hoping for nothing
I wish this hell to end, I wish I could find the strength to do it
My emotions are so strong I can barely do anything, my head is exploding, I can't stand all this anymore

I am the same live in regret with head exploding with the constant stress.i hope u find peave