slightoverlooked
Experienced
- Dec 27, 2023
- 214
tw selfharm (detailed kind of), eating disorder (mention of calories)
im suffering sm rn and i just want to relapse. i already relapsed sh but it was a small cut. too small to feel like an actual relapse.
i havent been starving properly either and have been eating around my bmr or maintaince calories which is embarrassing. i should starve till my organs fail.
self destruction and suicide have been on my mind the last couple of weeks probably bc im so stressed i cant deal with this anymore. im exhausted, stressed and hopeless. im thinking about ctb again. I wish i could end it. im sosoos tired. I will never find love and even if anyone is interested in me i hate myself too much to accept it.
no one will ever like me as the person i am and im so scared of committing to a relationship anyway. im pathetic. I selfharm, im anorexic and not even skinnier than bmi 17 and I am not even academically gifted like others. Im not even sure if what im studying is the right thing for me. What if I just end up jobless and nothing works out? Or im just too stupid for stem but I have been passing my exams out of luck.
Im planning on relapsing xanax soon when I can talk to my friend who might have connections.
I want to relapse sh soon and cut like I did 2 months ago and hopefully reach my fat layer again. My sh doesnt even feel valid bc i never got stitches. I might as well start drinking alcohol too and just ruin my life and hope I die.
I wish my mom would hate me. I wish she would let me go. Shes the only reason why I am still alive. I am so angry at her but I understand her. I am her child.
I cant vent to any of my friends tbh and I dont want to vent to them.
Im still working full time till Friday and then I have 4 exams next week and another exam in april. I just want to die. I wish I could just sleep and never wake up.
I have only been thinking about cutting all day.
i didnt proof read any of this. sorry for venting on recovery. ig life stays shitty even if u dont actively plan on killing yourself.
im suffering sm rn and i just want to relapse. i already relapsed sh but it was a small cut. too small to feel like an actual relapse.
i havent been starving properly either and have been eating around my bmr or maintaince calories which is embarrassing. i should starve till my organs fail.
self destruction and suicide have been on my mind the last couple of weeks probably bc im so stressed i cant deal with this anymore. im exhausted, stressed and hopeless. im thinking about ctb again. I wish i could end it. im sosoos tired. I will never find love and even if anyone is interested in me i hate myself too much to accept it.
no one will ever like me as the person i am and im so scared of committing to a relationship anyway. im pathetic. I selfharm, im anorexic and not even skinnier than bmi 17 and I am not even academically gifted like others. Im not even sure if what im studying is the right thing for me. What if I just end up jobless and nothing works out? Or im just too stupid for stem but I have been passing my exams out of luck.
Im planning on relapsing xanax soon when I can talk to my friend who might have connections.
I want to relapse sh soon and cut like I did 2 months ago and hopefully reach my fat layer again. My sh doesnt even feel valid bc i never got stitches. I might as well start drinking alcohol too and just ruin my life and hope I die.
I wish my mom would hate me. I wish she would let me go. Shes the only reason why I am still alive. I am so angry at her but I understand her. I am her child.
I cant vent to any of my friends tbh and I dont want to vent to them.
Im still working full time till Friday and then I have 4 exams next week and another exam in april. I just want to die. I wish I could just sleep and never wake up.
I have only been thinking about cutting all day.
i didnt proof read any of this. sorry for venting on recovery. ig life stays shitty even if u dont actively plan on killing yourself.
