i can’t believe i’m making this post

[d4isy]

i don't know if i'm hypomanic again or what, but today i experienced a positive trigger if that makes sense. i don't feel like getting into it right now, but basically, i read a reddit comment that straight up rewired my brain lol. now i actually want to live..? i actually have hope for the future. i actually wanna recover.

having a method also def helps. knowing i can leave whenever i want. just like that one emil cioran quote:

"without the idea of suicide, i would have surely killed myself."

that's exactly how i feel right now. just knowing i have the option if things get really, really bad makes me feel so free.

i honestly kinda wanna leave this place and delete my account, but i see no point as sadly all my embarrassing posts will stay up lol. god, i hate my mood disorder. i wish my whole account could be wiped. i really do wanna move on and i can't believe it.

 

[Drogon]

Happy to hear you found meaning in life and hopefully on a new path of purpose!

 

[d4isy]

Happy to hear you found meaning in life and hopefully on a new path of purpose!

thank you!! i really hope this isn't just a mood swing or whatever lol!

 

[sahnekäse]

I'm happy for you. Any chance your name was inspired by the my chemical romance song?

 

[d4isy]

I'm happy for you. Any chance your name was inspired by the my chemical romance song?

thank you! nope, it was inspired by mother mary/our lady of sorrows even though i left christianity years ago lol. i just really resonate with the image of her with those swords piercing her heart. gotta check out the song now haha!

 

[sahnekäse]

thank you! nope, it was inspired by mother mary/our lady of sorrows even though i left christianity years ago lol. i just really resonate with the image of her with those swords piercing her heart. gotta check out the song now haha!

Oh wow I just looked it up and can totally see how that inspired you, discovered something new lol thank you

 

[DeusVult]

honestly kinda wanna leave this place and delete my account

NO, YOU HAVE TO STAY!

What you're expericing is real, I have had the exact same experience! And so are many people around the world at this same time!

We need to take action to change the world and make this version of reality stick!

I have the answers, I promise, I know what needs to be done. I just need time to get the word out. I will message you an explanation later, I am trying to sleep right now. Please wait.

 

[d4isy]

well..nvm lol. i'm still ugly at the end of the day. my life still sucks. it really was just another bpd moment lmao.

 

[EmptyBottle]

Feel free to link the reddit comment, I'm curious (plus it may be helpful for others too).

 

[d4isy]

Feel free to link the reddit comment, I'm curious (plus it may be helpful for others too).

basically it just reminded me that life is utterly meaningless and that we're all just animals lol. that's all it was. might help some but i know this kind of thinking can make others feel even more depressed.