Story I can handle depression and prospect of ctb but not this

[PotSmokingSloth]

I'm extremely paranoid and maybe becoming psychotic. I need to recover from this. I still want to ctb in the future. But not while in a state of mind like this. I know, this seems paradoxical, I want to recover but I want to die. But it's not paradoxical. Because I want to recover from paranoia and prevent psychosis. I believe I can achieve this much at least. But I don't believe I can recover from the treatment resistant depression. So it's like if someone has terminal cancer and wants to die at some point but still wants to manage their anxiety in the meantime to make their time left less miserable...

That's where I'm at.

 

[PotSmokingSloth]

There is a such thing as rational suicide, it's discussed in PPeH. It's when you CTB when you feel you've lived the life you want to live, or to prevent further suffering from incurable illness.

I think it's normal to want to heal from whatever you can. That's just people living their life

thank you for your input.

 

[PotSmokingSloth]

no problem, hope you are as well as you can be.

Thanks. I'm recovering from the stress of everything, but I think I'm doing somewhat better at the moment.