Venting I can choose to go any time

[ropeburns&migranes]

At this point I can choose to can anytime, I bought the gun the proper ammunition, I don't necessarily need to write a letter either. All that's stopping me is the guilt and the what ifs. What if things do get better? What if my loved ones go through so much grief they stop functioning too? What will happen when I'm really gone? Despite all of this I still want to go. I'm not living a life, I provide nothing for this world and I'm not happy living in it. I promised my friends I'd be their kid's godparent when they have children but I don't think I'll living long enough to keep that promise.
I'm just so lost in this world

 

[MyShadow]

At this point I can choose to can anytime, I bought the gun the proper ammunition, I don't necessarily need to write a letter either. All that's stopping me is the guilt and the what ifs. What if things do get better? What if my loved ones go through so much grief they stop functioning too? What will happen when I'm really gone? Despite all of this I still want to go. I'm not living a life, I provide nothing for this world and I'm not happy living in it. I promised my friends I'd be their kid's godparent when they have children but I don't think I'll living long enough to keep that promise.
I'm just so lost in this world

I am experiencing these same thoughts and feelings. Things change and your suicide will create a wave of response among the people whom you care about, and it will have a bigger ripple effect than you can comprehend. Then, there's the survival instinct.

So, your hesitation is completely natural.

I hope you can find peace in whatever you decide.

 

[Worndown]

Having secured the supplies for your method, relax.
Focus on other things. You are still alive, see how this goes without death clouding your vision.
If it goes bad, you have your exit ready.

 

[Liebestod]

Same I literally could go to the gun store and buy a 12 gauge right now but I'm currently a coward and waiting.

 

[MissAbyss]

Sadly, I don't have access to a gun, what a privilege that must be. The thought, that you could finish it in just a couple of seconds. Personally, it would work as a great placebo for me, to hang on for a while..

 

[ShipSeeksHarbour]

I like the power and agency and autonomy it gives me, to know I have the ability to die any moment I choose. A lot of my life feels like it's been ripped from my grasp at the moment, so it's the crumbs of autonomy that I still have over it which really really matter to me.