I am very regretful to have told my nuclear family, close friends, psychiatrist and therapist about CTB idealization

[VivaldiBR]

now that i'm desperate for CTB they keep watching me constantly.

I have to keep living and trying to improve my life even though I feel totally hopeless.

I think it was a big mistake broke the taboo.

 

[WornOutLife]

Oh darling, you're exactly in my shoes!
I made the same mistake and even worse, I failed at CTB so now...NOW....I'm a fuc**ng prisoner in my parents house! I've lost my freedom!

However, I'm playing the nice guy so that to live alone again, drink booze every day and made a new plan to CTB properly this time.

 

[LooksAtMoonDog]

Sorry to hear of your experience.

CTB is like Fight Club folks.

 

[Captive of Mind]

now that i'm desperate for CTB they keep watching me constantly.

I have to keep living and trying to improve my life even though I feel totally hopeless.

I think it was a big mistake broke the taboo.

It's an isolating and alienating taboo. You are suffering to the point that you want to die and want to discuss it with others, but if you do then there are all sorts of consequences.

 

[Mer]

Sorry to hear of your experience.

CTB is like Fight Club folks.

100% spot on.

Never. Ever. Tell. Anyone.

 

[Snowdrifts1212]

What's weird is I've told some folks and nothing really changes. Like they're worried about me but it hasn't changed my situation or my opportunities to CTB at all.

 

[Nimbus]

Sorry to hear of your experience.

CTB is like Fight Club folks.

Yep.

1st rule: Don't talk about it.

Especially not in detail.

 

[SpinTop555]

I'm so sorry you're in this position now. I would love to be able to tell someone how much I want to die as well, but I'm afraid I would end up being hospitalized and life would just become even more unbearable.

That's why we must pretend we aren't thinking/researching/daydreaming about it to anyone outside of this site.

I feel for you, I'm sorry.

 

[Initiated]

I made the same mistake of telling my family. What a fool I am!
Rule 1. Don't tell it to anyone.

 

[ScaredGirl]

I think im kinda lucky my parents didnt care when i tried when i still lived there they didnt put any restrictions and at the time they wanted me to succeed at it, but on the other hand if maybe they cared and tried to help I might hvae gotten better? idk lol

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

now that i'm desperate for CTB they keep watching me constantly.

I have to keep living and trying to improve my life even though I feel totally hopeless.

I think it was a big mistake broke the taboo.

So sorry for what you are going through. I did tell a buddy of mine a few years ago and it didn't go well. I don't talk about it anymore. The only advice I can give now is to fake it til they trust you again. Then maybe plan something. I don't know what your method is but I wouldn't order or bring anything to your home right now. I'm sure they will be watching.

 

[Merlay]

now that i'm desperate for CTB they keep watching me constantly.

I have to keep living and trying to improve my life even though I feel totally hopeless.

I think it was a big mistake broke the taboo.

I'm sorry for what happened to you. Yep, it was a mistake. I told my best friends that I have a plan and I deeply regret it. Nothing has changed. They want to keep you alive, but it doesn't help to reduce the pain and suffering. I finally understood why some people chose to held everything in and not tell anyone and just done the deed.

But I know that there are some people out there who will truly understand and hear you. I hope you keep holding on, for now.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

now that i'm desperate for CTB they keep watching me constantly.

I have to keep living and trying to improve my life even though I feel totally hopeless.

I think it was a big mistake broke the taboo.

I'm sorry that happened to you. There's literally no one I can trust, especially those from the same country as me. Here, mental health gets swept under the rug and topics like these are a taboo. Given our interventionist approach, I don't want to risk alerting anyone should they hand me over to the authorities. It's also the reason why I've changed my location to a fictional one. I do NOT want anyone petitioning to have this site taken down to be from where I live.

I've learnt to shift my personality should the need arise, so as to blend in with the crowd.

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm sorry for what you are going through OP. I spent two miserable years seeing a psychiatrist and when I told him I wanted to ctb he told me I need to pay in advance. So I don't have much faith in psychiatry. I hope you can at some point have the pressure taken off you.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm sorry for what you are going through OP. I spent two miserable years seeing a psychiatrist and when I told him I wanted to ctb he told me I need to pay in advance. So I don't have much faith in psychiatry. I hope you can at some point have the pressure taken off you.

I can't believe you had to pay in advance.

 

[Jon86]

Not to be a dick but you can always end your life next your or the year after that. There is no bus we have to catch on schedule.

If you told your family then you were not ready yet.

The worst that can happen with life is that it gets worse, thereby adding the fuel you need to finally end your suffering.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I'm sorry for what you are going through OP. I spent two miserable years seeing a psychiatrist and when I told him I wanted to ctb he told me I need to pay in advance. So I don't have much faith in psychiatry. I hope you can at some point have the pressure taken off you.

That's rather disappointing. Probably the reason why many are losing trust in the medical profession.

 

[grungeCat]

Maybe our brains simply can't accept things are really as bad as we think. Our SI deludes us to seek help at all costs although nothing can be done. Although it's logically obvious we shouldn't be here then our subconsciousness still chaffers about life. Surviving is coded within our mentality very deeply after all.

 

[Sakura94]

I did the same thing. It's to stop yourself sort of like a stop-all-apps feature. You knew the result.

Anyway it's temporary they will all soon forget, move on to other distractions. It's sad but there is a time limit to people dealing with you. You've given yourself some time to think over stuff.

 

[awfullife]

Yah once you get the "crazy" label it's hard to come back from. I've noticed this from the last couple of years. People are nervous/ uninterested in investing time in you and compassion fatigue sets in.

Admitting CTB thoughts just scares the shit out of them. When I was a normie years ago i know it would've me to

 

[sezhian]

Oh darling, you're exactly in my shoes!
I made the same mistake and even worse, I failed at CTB so now...NOW....I'm a fuc**ng prisoner in my parents house! I've lost my freedom!

However, I'm playing the nice guy so that to live alone again, drink booze every day and made a new plan to CTB properly this time.

We are in the same boat. Failed CTB in August, took a lot of showmanship to get to live again recently. Now I have a bunch of foolproof plans lined up.

 

[Initiated]

So sorry for what you are going through. I did tell a buddy of mine a few years ago and it didn't go well. I don't talk about it anymore. The only advice I can give now is to fake it til they trust you again. Then maybe plan something. I don't know what your method is but I wouldn't order or bring anything to your home right now. I'm sure they will be watching.

Correct
Can anyone tell me whether paracord of diameter 4mm and breaking strength 550 lbs is reliable enough for a successful suicidal hanging if full suspension is achieved?