I am too “good” to know how to buy drugs, but too trapped not to.....

[yellothere]

I just need a way out to that is peaceful. To fall asleep. It involves most likely buying drugs. But I have always been a "good" kid. I never did drugs or drank or had sex.... still haven't.

By choice. I hate being around drugs. Even weed (legal in CA), and had a panic attack when someone did cocaine at a small get together (I left). I don't even drink. I never had sex (have a partner but I prefer intellect). It was rule abiding that partially got me into this. Trusting and obeying authority, especially doctors. I don't know about drugs. I watched documentaries, cooked,hiked, volunteered, drew, ran, read books, studied math and physics for fun. Has anyone ever bought drugs?

I don't have the slightest clue how to buy drugs? How do I get F? How do I know it's pure? I really don't know anything about drugs. I must get a burner phone??? I don't want to get anything shipped. Probably go to the next row over so I don't get recognized. How do you initiate a conversation? Can you test F? It's the only drug I know that will pretty much guarantee an overdose, and I can just go to sleep somewhere comfy. N would be nice, but $1000 is too much. I could go to Mexico, but I don't want to sneak drugs across the border.

This is dumb. I'm not a criminal. I'm just a good person who struggles with mental health and has been through so much truama they broke down their body, lost relationships, and a lot of sanity.
And I hate getting in trouble or the idea of doing something "bad". If I didn't use it I would anonymously drop it off at a medication police Dropbox within a typed note so no drug addiction got a hold of it.

 

[EOL4ME]

Lotta thoughts ......

 

[Eol21]

No offense at all... But I don't think you should try. There's a good chance you will get taken advantage of if you don't understand street culture. The only person you wanna buy drugs from are authentic hippies and kind people which are hard to find... And they probably wouldn't sell f.

On another note... Maybe just get shr**ms and they could change your perspective of life. (Take responsibly!)

 

[Peel_the_Banana]

No offense at all... But I don't think you should try. There's a good chance you will get taken advantage of if you don't understand street culture.

^^^^^^^
This right here.

Everything about your verbiage is not going to signal well when buying in person. Heck, it barely signals well in SS.

Why would you drop drugs off at the police when you can flush them? Alot worse things have gone into the sewer. I guarantee you.

Honestly this reads as if you're so very pure coming to ask all the SS criminals how to buy drugs. If this is your thought process: You do know that once you pay for the drugs you will now be considered "bad" too?

Feels like you are trolling SS.


P.S. - You don't have to bring the drugs like N across the Mexican border. You can take them while you are there. That way you won't tarnish your "good" reputation. I'm being serious. Otherwise just buy SN. Its not an illegal substance its used to make sausages. It also doesn't require any "bad" activities, that way you can maintain your purity.


EDIT: If this is becoming to difficult you may want to try committing to living once more in addition to therapy.

 

[toforigivelife]

I just need a way out to that is peaceful. To fall asleep. It involves most likely buying drugs. But I have always been a "good" kid. I never did drugs or drank or had sex.... still haven't.

By choice. I hate being around drugs. Even weed (legal in CA), and had a panic attack when someone did cocaine at a small get together (I left). I don't even drink. I never had sex (have a partner but I prefer intellect). It was rule abiding that partially got me into this. Trusting and obeying authority, especially doctors. I don't know about drugs. I watched documentaries, cooked,hiked, volunteered, drew, ran, read books, studied math and physics for fun. Has anyone ever bought drugs?

I don't have the slightest clue how to buy drugs? How do I get F? How do I know it's pure? I really don't know anything about drugs. I must get a burner phone??? I don't want to get anything shipped. Probably go to the next row over so I don't get recognized. How do you initiate a conversation? Can you test F? It's the only drug I know that will pretty much guarantee an overdose, and I can just go to sleep somewhere comfy. N would be nice, but $1000 is too much. I could go to Mexico, but I don't want to sneak drugs across the border.

This is dumb. I'm not a criminal. I'm just a good person who struggles with mental health and has been through so much truama they broke down their body, lost relationships, and a lot of sanity.
And I hate getting in trouble or the idea of doing something "bad". If I didn't use it I would anonymously drop it off at a medication police Dropbox within a typed note so no drug addiction got a hold of it.

Given your complete innocence when it comes to buying illegal drugs trying to go through a drug dealer might be too dangerous for you.

The same goes for trying to navigate Mexico's drug market.

You could try using Google and doing some research about how a first time buyer would go about locating a dealer or, if you know someone who has a line on the local drug scene you can "ask on behalf of a friend" about finding a connection.

But, again, you don't know the territory so it may not be safe. Please do your research if you decide to go this route.

If you have thought it through and are serious about ending your life, if you honestly feel that this is the right decision (and if you, I respect your feelings and your decision) then you can look into what are known as the online dark markets which have vendors who sell hard drugs like opiate pills, heroin and F.

You would need to research about how to purchase Bitcoin, create a Bitcoin wallet, look up the anonymous browser called Tor, or, if you're using Android, download the Tor app from Google Play, use Duck Duck Go and search for a site called Dark Fail which lists the different dark markets and start looking for vendors who sell harder drugs like F or heroin.

People have also found success with a drug called Nembutal or N. I don't know if it is sold in the United States or by dark market vendors operating in the United States. You may need to search Sanctioned Suicide threads for more information about Nembutal or N.

It's safer to buy from vendors within the United States rather than from outside the country and the vendor should be well established with lots of good reviews and positive comments about their "stealth" methods as far as getting the drugs to you safely.

It is up to you to research how to use these drugs for effectively fatal results.

If you are only considering ending your life and have not made a firm decision then I truly urge you to seek out the help and support you need at this time.

I'm so sorry that your life, problems, health and/or circumstances have brought you to this very painful sense of despair. I truly am.

I hope that you can find your way out of the darkness. But it is, like all of us, our decision to make decisions regarding our quality of life and whether or not ending this existence is what's best for us.

Wishing you the best.

 

[yellothere]

^^^^^^^
This right here.

Everything about your verbiage is not going to signal well when buying in person. Heck, it barely signals well in SS.

Why would you drop drugs off at the police when you can flush them? Alot worse things have gone into the sewer. I guarantee you.

Honestly this reads as if you're so very pure coming to ask all the SS criminals how to buy drugs. If this is your thought process: You do know that once you pay for the drugs you will now be considered "bad" too?

Feels like you are trolling SS.


P.S. - You don't have to bring the drugs like N across the Mexican border. You can take them while you are there. That way you won't tarnish your "good" reputation. I'm being serious. Otherwise just buy SN. Its not an illegal substance its used to make sausages. It also doesn't require any "bad" activities, that way you can maintain your purity.


EDIT: If this is becoming to difficult you may want to try committing to living once more in addition to therapy.

I honestly don't get the accusation of "trolling"....

I have learned to handle bad areas of very large cities. I am very friendly. I am loud and have a very cynical dark sense of humor. I have been to many bad areas and conversed just fine. People seem
To be intrigued or amused by me and my over exaggerated body language. I learned social cues after a long time, I am actually good at striking up conversations, I just sometimes choose to ignore social conventions. I have made friends with many homeless actually who know me by name. I am fine with talking to people, I am no longer awkward, and if I am I own it by how much I play into it and don't try to hide it. The problem is I don't like breaking those type of rules ( I have reported other students for cheating... it's not fair). I don't know how to ask for things. It makes me uncomfortable.

And trolling? Seriously? Do you know what it's like to hope you die in your sleep for months and to have spent the past two years trying to cope with to reality? Putting on old clothes or picturing things in your head or avoiding places so you don't overwrite good memories since you don't feel the same? I don't see how I can't be suicidal and mentally messed up by trauma but also be a nice nerdy person?

... they aren't mutually exclusive. It's like you think I am pretending to be this trapped and miserable to mess with you.
If I was a happy person (I was for half of 2019) I wouldn't be on this site.

 

[odradek]

I just need a way out to that is peaceful. To fall asleep. It involves most likely buying drugs. But I have always been a "good" kid. I never did drugs or drank or had sex.... still haven't.

By choice. I hate being around drugs. Even weed (legal in CA), and had a panic attack when someone did cocaine at a small get together (I left). I don't even drink. I never had sex (have a partner but I prefer intellect). It was rule abiding that partially got me into this. Trusting and obeying authority, especially doctors. I don't know about drugs. I watched documentaries, cooked,hiked, volunteered, drew, ran, read books, studied math and physics for fun. Has anyone ever bought drugs?

I don't have the slightest clue how to buy drugs? How do I get F? How do I know it's pure? I really don't know anything about drugs. I must get a burner phone??? I don't want to get anything shipped. Probably go to the next row over so I don't get recognized. How do you initiate a conversation? Can you test F? It's the only drug I know that will pretty much guarantee an overdose, and I can just go to sleep somewhere comfy. N would be nice, but $1000 is too much. I could go to Mexico, but I don't want to sneak drugs across the border.

This is dumb. I'm not a criminal. I'm just a good person who struggles with mental health and has been through so much truama they broke down their body, lost relationships, and a lot of sanity.
And I hate getting in trouble or the idea of doing something "bad". If I didn't use it I would anonymously drop it off at a medication police Dropbox within a typed note so no drug addiction got a hold of it.

I am so sorry that you feel that much pain. Maybe there is a possibility that you will change your mind in the future. In hope until you reach death ( natural or not) that you find good things to try to think about instead of how to shut your body down and what happens if you fail.

 

[Peel_the_Banana]

I think people are going to refrain from replying to your threads. SS is a wealth of information and it doesn't seem as if you are using it for your stated needs. However in the same breath you complain that you can't get help.

You state that you are not here for friends, etc. and that you are only here for methods, which is fine. However every post comes with excess layers that set you apart from others, thereby making it seems as if you are different than the group and / or site that you are trying to extract information from. That might not be the most effective way to get information and help.

There are plenty of threads I have found through the search that pertain to your requests. However every thread if carefully ran through your lens, may not meet your high standards. Maybe that is your intention? I will stop here so that you do not get the impression I'm trying to force a method onto you.

Anyway, good luck. I really hope you seek recovery because it seems as if that's what you are truly desiring more than anything. Unfortunately recovery at times will be just as difficult if its ran that that same lens. It will also require that you face some similar challenges more so than what you've experience on SS. (Just my opinion)

Best wishes in everything, whatever you decide.

 

[yellothere]

I think people are going to refrain from replying to your threads. SS is a wealth of information and it doesn't seem as if you are using it for your stated needs. However in the same breath you complain that you can't get help.

You state that you are not here for friends, etc. and that you are only here for methods, which is fine. However every post comes with excess layers that set you apart from others, thereby making it seems as if you are different than the group and / or site that you are trying to extract information from. That might not be the most effective way to get information and help.

There are plenty of threads I have found through the search that pertain to your requests. However every thread if carefully ran through your lens, may not meet your high standards. Maybe that is your intention? I will stop here so that you do not get the impression I'm trying to force a method onto you.

Anyway, good luck. I really hope you seek recovery because it seems as if that's what you are truly desiring more than anything. Unfortunately recovery at times will be just as difficult if its ran that that same lens. It will also require that you face some similar challenges more so than what you've experience on SS. (Just my opinion)

Best wishes in everything, whatever you decide.

Sorry for being defensive. I tend to speak in questions. In real life I laugh or smile when I speak in questions. I see how it could come across and angry instead of exasperated. I may ask "why god why" and put my hands in the sky while on the bus and look at someone. But I am smiling at the while doing it. I interact in an unconventional way. I truly apologize if it comes across as angry. It is more slightly annoyed. I forgot how lacking body language effects things.

I think many people who look for methods are less anxious about it. I like a lot of guidance when I do things and always double check with people. I also am posing the idea that good people shouldn't have to resort to these things. I guess you all already know that. I forget most are you are in the same boat: not criminals who don't do illegal things that may even be akward but just want to end their pain peacefully.

I guess it is the rest of the world I need to tell. It's just not fair. It seems counter intuitive. Good people who don't break rules in society by stealing or hurting other and who want peace should have access to it. Maybe people would reconsider their actions of how they treat people if it was available or maybe people would face it and realize they aren't ready and move on.

I am semi complaining about how unfair it is that people can't have access by request except Switzerland. I also secretly hope someone would share how they would go about it (if they would). The details are to make a point that good people shouldn't have to snoop on the internet. I am sure many on here are so antisocial or lonely they don't party or do hard drugs. Probably watch anime or some nerdy shit (I prefer American animation like Bobs burgers or reading National Geographic).

 

[orangepotato]

I just need a way out to that is peaceful. To fall asleep. It involves most likely buying drugs. But I have always been a "good" kid. I never did drugs or drank or had sex.... still haven't.

By choice. I hate being around drugs. Even weed (legal in CA), and had a panic attack when someone did cocaine at a small get together (I left). I don't even drink. I never had sex (have a partner but I prefer intellect). It was rule abiding that partially got me into this. Trusting and obeying authority, especially doctors. I don't know about drugs. I watched documentaries, cooked,hiked, volunteered, drew, ran, read books, studied math and physics for fun. Has anyone ever bought drugs?

I don't have the slightest clue how to buy drugs? How do I get F? How do I know it's pure? I really don't know anything about drugs. I must get a burner phone??? I don't want to get anything shipped. Probably go to the next row over so I don't get recognized. How do you initiate a conversation? Can you test F? It's the only drug I know that will pretty much guarantee an overdose, and I can just go to sleep somewhere comfy. N would be nice, but $1000 is too much. I could go to Mexico, but I don't want to sneak drugs across the border.

This is dumb. I'm not a criminal. I'm just a good person who struggles with mental health and has been through so much truama they broke down their body, lost relationships, and a lot of sanity.
And I hate getting in trouble or the idea of doing something "bad". If I didn't use it I would anonymously drop it off at a medication police Dropbox within a typed note so no drug addiction got a hold of it.

Dude you sound like such a narc!

Sorry but your attitude about being so much superior than us "dirty" drug users doesn't rub off well on me.

 

[yellothere]

Dude you sound like such a narc!


Sorry but your attitude about being so much superior than us "dirty" drug users doesn't rub off well on me.

I don't think drugs users are bad people. I obviously have hung out and been friend with people that use party drugs or have even been addicts. The point is that there are people who don't do drugs or deal with drug dealers that shouldn't have to if they want to ctb.
Good people do bad things. And doing drugs doesn't mean you are a criminal (I think the should decriminalize drugs since it only hurts your self and it's your choice). Doing drugs or being around dealers can lead to serious crime. I know enough to know there is a lot of gang involved and people get kills over it. Also many homeless steal to buy drugs ( a homeless man stole my bike to buy drugs but I got it back from him).

It is your choice. Many people on here I would think don't do hate drugs. If you do it doesn't make you bad. But it really isn't fair that someone who does who plays societies games: doesn't lie, cheat, steal, does what authority positioned people say, and works hard, does their job, doesn't try to benefit off of others or again unfair advantages should have to think about navigating it.

I honestly don't care if people do them. Your accusations say you seem to be insecure. I choose not to mess with my reality, play with my addictive nature, or mess up my record. I would never report someone for doing drugs. I also wouldn't support their habit.
I am sure there are drug assists happier than me and living more productive lives. good for them. Following rules doesn't make you happy.

lAnd I never said dirty. I literally used "good" in quotations to show that it wasn't my view. It's society's.

 

[Chockles]

I can relate. I'm severely physically disabled in agony & been suicidal 9 months now. Until things got really bad, like you I really wasn't into drugs. I took my prescribed meds for years, I dabbled a bit with cannabis but I was never into other drugs. Now my pain is so bad I've found contacts on telegram through my cannabis contacts to buy pregabalin & oxy online. Sadly it's not helping my pain much. I know I need to acquire N and that scares me I don't have bitcoin or know how to use cryptos. Standard online bank transfers are all I know. I'm also in uk & N is expensive so getting it through customs is risky or buying from someone who is selling in my country could be a scam. There is so much to consider & it is so hard when I'm already so ill & bed ridden yet I know I will have to take that gamble on trying to acquire N soon as I simply cannot live like this anymore. You could probably get SN easy enough in USA which is much cheaper. Here in uk it's an illegal substance also & I've failed to find anyone that will send it to uk.
I'm not anti drugs I worked with drug addicts via the needle exchange before o became very ill. Used to have a laugh & chat with some of them. Many good people. Drugs just never appealed to me until now tho I did drink alcohol socially as it was legal & easy to access but now I'm desperate & I can't source F here either and the dark web is too complicated for me. So N it has to be & ill have to find a way arounf the bitcoin/crypto issues soon or learn how to buy them when my bank doesnt allow crypto transactions. None of this is easy but if desperate enough to die most will find a way.

 

[yellothere]

I can relate. I'm severely physically disabled in agony & been suicidal 9 months now. Until things got really bad, like you I really wasn't into drugs. I took my prescribed meds for years, I dabbled a bit with cannabis but I was never into other drugs. Now my pain is so bad I've found contacts on telegram through my cannabis contacts to buy pregabalin & oxy online. Sadly it's not helping my pain much. I know I need to acquire N and that scares me I don't have bitcoin or know how to use cryptos. Standard online bank transfers are all I know. I'm also in uk & N is expensive so getting it through customs is risky or buying from someone who is selling in my country could be a scam. There is so much to consider & it is so hard when I'm already so ill & bed ridden yet I know I will have to take that gamble on trying to acquire N soon as I simply cannot live like this anymore. You could probably get SN easy enough in USA which is much cheaper. Here in uk it's an illegal substance also & I've failed to find anyone that will send it to uk.
I'm not anti drugs I worked with drug addicts via the needle exchange before o became very ill. Used to have a laugh & chat with some of them. Many good people. Drugs just never appealed to me until now tho I did drink alcohol socially as it was legal & easy to access but now I'm desperate & I can't source F here either and the dark web is too complicated for me. So N it has to be & ill have to find a way arounf the bitcoin/crypto issues soon or learn how to buy them when my bank doesnt allow crypto transactions. None of this is easy but if desperate enough to die most will find a way.

I am sorry. I also don't know how anything works. I just want to fall sleep warm and comfy and not have to wake up. I read about SN making your heart race, or your hands turn cold or blue and I started to shake so bad I almost dropped my phone. I even started feeling cold. I am a very good person who just happened to have had bad things happen. I don't want to be uncomfortable. I want to feel like I am falling asleep on a normal night. I ordered gel capsules and have an anti vomit medication, but now I think that it would need to be F or N.

It is just harder to get. I don't even know a weed dealer since I don't do any drugs.

 

[Chockles]

I am sorry. I also don't know how anything works. I just want to fall sleep warm and comfy and not have to wake up. I read about SN making your heart race, or your hands turn cold or blue and I started to shake so bad I almost dropped my phone. I even started feeling cold. I am a very good person who just happened to have had bad things happen. I don't want to be uncomfortable. I want to feel like I am falling asleep on a normal night. I ordered gel capsules and have an anti vomit medication, but now I think that it would need to be F or N.

It is just harder to get. I don't even know a weed dealer since I don't do any drugs.

I found in here how to obtain N. I'm now just trying to get my bank account sorted out & figure out crypto currency it's a minefield but I'm really severely physically in agony & will find a way. Good luck to you.
If you can afford it N is supposed to be the most peaceful way to go if you can drink the 200ml nasty tasting fluid
That's my plan by end of month hopefully

 

[yellothere]

I found in here how to obtain N. I'm now just trying to get my bank account sorted out & figure out crypto currency it's a minefield but I'm really severely physically in agony & will find a way. Good luck to you.
If you can afford it N is supposed to be the most peaceful way to go if you can drink the 200ml nasty tasting fluid
That's my plan by end of month hopefully

I hope you make whatever choice makes you comfortable. I would hope that your physical health gets better. If not I just hope you find peace.
I think everyone deserves to make a choice and have it available if there is a time period to wait before getting approved. I think it must be Christianity that influences our government to disapprove ctb. I don't believe in an anthropomorphic god, but even if there was one... he is cruel to let good people suffer. So screw him. If he doesn't like me leaving then he should not let bad things happen to good people :/