I am tired

[IndigoVibe]

Hi

Here is my story why i am preparing for CTB, i hope my english is good enough.
I reading in this forum since February.

I am disabled and living in my parentshouse, needing help from my parents.
My disability is since i was born.

In the future or near future (dont know) my only way is CTB.
My father have cancer and it´s possible that the same my mother.

The live is very difficult for me, i have a job (home office) but every day is the same.
Every day the same shit, no hope to a better future, i am tired.
I will sleep, that´s the best part or my live, sleeping.

When my parents are death or can not more helping me, i will not come in a nursing home or car home.
Will not living with all the old and other disabled idiots.

In the last weeks i ordered some from the resources.
I have Metoclopramide, Lorazepam, Diazepam, Paracetemol.
Now i search a source of SN in Poland, i hope i can find it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so tired of suffering in this cruel and dreadful existence. But anyway I hope that you find peace eventually, best of luck in your plans.

 

[AnAnonymousCrow]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. No one should have to go through life with these thoughts and issues. I hope everything works out for you, and I hope that it's like a wonderful slumber. By the way, your english is awesome. I can tell you've put in the work, and you should be proud. Wishing you well.

 

[IndigoVibe]

By the way, you're english is awesome. I can tell you've put in the work, and you should be proud. Wishing you well.

Thanks, i learning english since a half year.
I reading english News Sites and look english Videos.

My school english was very bad.

 

[dreamfloat]

I feel the same way about my parents. I've been constantly worrying lately about what I would do without them, like obsessively, I rely on them so much. I'm 25. They drive me (I don't have a license and am afraid of driving), they buy food, they cook, and are in general emotional support when I am anxious/depressed. I'm not disabled, unless you count the depression/anxiety/bipolar/suspected autism, so I can only imagine how difficult it is relying on your parents with your disability.

Although, I don't know if anyone else feels like this, but sometimes I will I wish I was extremely disabled, so that I would be taken care of instead of having to live with this much difficulty. (I'm really sorry if that offends anyone, let me know if that is offensive and I will edit it out! If I can edit)

 

[IndigoVibe]

(I'm really sorry if that offends anyone, let me know if that is offensive and I will edit it out! If I can edit)

No problem
It´s a big problem when you are dependent on someone.

I can not living alone in a house or apartement.
When this where possible than my live where most better, but it´s not possible.