The unfortunate reality is that in this hellish world, suicide is simply not straightforward and we exist in a world that restricts access to the more painless methods. If suicide was easier I would certainly be long gone at this point, and there are just no easy answers to leaving this world, I guess that all that anyone can do, is do their own research into this and there is the suicide resource compilation on here. I just think that what is the best method depends on what can be accessed by the individual, it has to be a personal decision deciding what method is best. From what I'm aware there is no way to get Nembutal at the moment, instead there is only scams.
And I think that with leaving others behind, the reality is that grief and loss are just an inevitable part of life, we all have to die and lose everything someday no matter what. If people don't wish to deal with loss then they shouldn't procreate and I guess that writing notes could be beneficial so that those left behind aren't left with as many unanswered questions, and a note could act as a way to say farewell and can also give them some closure as well. But anyway, it really sounds like you've suffered so much, so I hope that you find peace from the pain that existing brings.
