
LastFlowers
the haru that can read
- Apr 27, 2019
- 2,170
That is my preferred method but there are other reasons besides location that some people cannot gain access to such a weapon.
It also draws unwanted attention.
And, of course, if you fail or so much as flinch while holding the gun then you could end up in a far worse position than you were before the attempt.
Brain damage and exponential maiming are two things I would like to avoid at all costs.
I personally can't stand the idea of poisoning and I do somewhat detest that I have to resort to SN..I genuinely just want to blow my face off my body and the rest of this flesh prison along with it.
In fact, I would rather have this body obliterated entirely in an explosion.
(I have dreamt of standing in front of a fast moving train, going splat off a building, etc.)
Poisoning has the stereotype of being a woman's method (which I admittedly am), one to keep a person in good shape for an open casket or viewing…I imagine Snow White or something, pristine with hands clasped over the chest.
This bothers me.
I want no part of that vain nonsense or to risk being paraded around in front of an audience.
I am one of those people who worry about further humiliation, even after death.
I do care to avoid it and I have had quite enough of it while still alive.
I yearn for some sense of control.
I would have liked for my method to favor my rage and act as a sort of final catharsis..but that's just not going to be possible.
SN, while no picnic, does seem to be safer and less damaging when it fails (which is my main concern..it not working, because that will leave me with really shitty methods thereafter and/or land me in the godforsaken cesspit of a hospital).
I am not looking forward to the wait once I down the stuff.
I wanted an instantaneous death, not a game of patience and the possibility of feeling myself suffocate.
I am scared of the process but I'm more scared to continue existing in such a permanent and progressive state of misery.
If I had a guarantee that any method I chose would succeed..and that I could easily access it, then a gun or an explosive device it would indeed be.
It also draws unwanted attention.
And, of course, if you fail or so much as flinch while holding the gun then you could end up in a far worse position than you were before the attempt.
Brain damage and exponential maiming are two things I would like to avoid at all costs.
I personally can't stand the idea of poisoning and I do somewhat detest that I have to resort to SN..I genuinely just want to blow my face off my body and the rest of this flesh prison along with it.
In fact, I would rather have this body obliterated entirely in an explosion.
(I have dreamt of standing in front of a fast moving train, going splat off a building, etc.)
Poisoning has the stereotype of being a woman's method (which I admittedly am), one to keep a person in good shape for an open casket or viewing…I imagine Snow White or something, pristine with hands clasped over the chest.
This bothers me.
I want no part of that vain nonsense or to risk being paraded around in front of an audience.
I am one of those people who worry about further humiliation, even after death.
I do care to avoid it and I have had quite enough of it while still alive.
I yearn for some sense of control.
I would have liked for my method to favor my rage and act as a sort of final catharsis..but that's just not going to be possible.
SN, while no picnic, does seem to be safer and less damaging when it fails (which is my main concern..it not working, because that will leave me with really shitty methods thereafter and/or land me in the godforsaken cesspit of a hospital).
I am not looking forward to the wait once I down the stuff.
I wanted an instantaneous death, not a game of patience and the possibility of feeling myself suffocate.
I am scared of the process but I'm more scared to continue existing in such a permanent and progressive state of misery.
If I had a guarantee that any method I chose would succeed..and that I could easily access it, then a gun or an explosive device it would indeed be.