I was thinking about my life in school and in general. The only way to not piss people off and lose friendships was to make no friends at all. And I wish there was a middle ground but with me there isn't. And who wants to be friends with someone who is suicidal? Or who trauma dumps, who holds pity parties? Nobody really does because it's ugly. People don't like ugly.
I can't keep friendships because I run from them. It's just something I do. I've always ran from my problems. I'm supposed to be lonely.
I never had a chance tbh. Because it's requires being... not me. My mom always wanted me to get a degree or get a career. But what if you're a person who never wanted to live in the first place? And what if you can't get over it? And you go to school doing things you never wanted to do, you drop out because you can't handle the stress... what if you have no motivation to do these things, what if you're just dead inside? What if you're actually just done with life?
And they don't understand that. They can't afford to. It doesn't make sense to them.
I can't keep friendships because I run from them. It's just something I do. I've always ran from my problems. I'm supposed to be lonely.
I never had a chance tbh. Because it's requires being... not me. My mom always wanted me to get a degree or get a career. But what if you're a person who never wanted to live in the first place? And what if you can't get over it? And you go to school doing things you never wanted to do, you drop out because you can't handle the stress... what if you have no motivation to do these things, what if you're just dead inside? What if you're actually just done with life?
And they don't understand that. They can't afford to. It doesn't make sense to them.
