Venting I am super ugly so what can I do

[CynicalCyanide]

Hey,

Does anyone else feels like being really ugly is just unbearable? Everytime I got some motivation to live or have a good day, my appearance is enough to destroy it. Besides that I of course have other problems, like traumas, mental health issues, anxiety, sleeping problems, connection problems etc, but being this ugly is something I cant fix and whenever there is a spark of hope, it gets destroyed by realising how I look. Does anyone else feel this way?
I am balding and have a bad skull shape, so its only getting worse in the future.
Sometimes this is enough to make me wanna ctb, and then the other issues are still there. What can I do? I feel destined to die. You get treated like a lot less as an ugly person.

 

[NutOrat]

I like looking at my shadow sometimes, when the sun is hitting just from above and slightly behind. It's because with the shadow I can imagine being pretty, the shadow me is longer and slimmer looking, as opposed to the fat, short and balding reality. A lot of the time walking outside I try to imagine how I look from a third-person perspective, only to then see my reflection in a glass pane, 10 times uglier than what I envisioned.

I don't know what to do, just have to learn to cope with it haha... I try to remind myself constantly that most people don't pay attention to these things when they look at me, or at least aren't viewing them with such ire. But that's most people. One shitty person's offhand remark is enough for me to internalize that for weeks, months, even years. And it almost always comes from someone tall and handsome, who never had to struggle with this.

 

[User111885]

like it's awful to say, but money fixes a lot of problems. if you can think, you can always try to get more money

there are certain things doctors have a hard time fixing. they can lengthen legs, but not by much. they can increase jaw length and advance facial bones, but it's hard to do. changing skull shape is hard to do. adding hair is an easy surgery. it's one of the easiest surgeries to do.

there are doctors who do skull shape surgeries but they are so risky. it's also possible your concerns about skull shape are mostly in your head or even irrational, although i don't know.

it's funny, or maybe it's not funny: maternal health and the age of a person's parents determine so much... if you have a parent who thinks just a little bit of this or that is fine, and eats garbage and thinks it will be fine, you're so much more likely to have a hard life. that ended up being me. my mom was older, was healthy and normal her whole life mostly, and felt like "oh i can get away with coffee, a glass of wine on rare occasion, a cigarette or two a day, but i'll cut down." and lo and behold, i have various health problems.

i would also try to shift your mindset to making money if you feel that way.

but yes, it's completely horribly unfair and the world would be much better if maternal health was a bigger priority and if society encourages procreation at younger ages (like encouraged people to get married as teenagers and have children from 18-24) instead of society emphasizing school and learning with this idea that procreating in a person's 30s or 40s is somehow the same.

if losing your hair bothers you, that's something that can be changed.

 

[Dejected 55]

I cannot comment on OP's appearance because I don't know it... I consider myself to be ugly, though, so I identify with the concept.

The sad reality is... you really cannot overcome it in our society. Yes, some ugly people find someone to have a life with... it is possible to be with someone who doesn't see you as ugly to them... but you will always be ugly to most people. That's just how it is.

I think sometimes... every now and then one of those hero guys pops into the news, you know a guy who risks his life to save some people from a burning building and gets his face all burned up... he looks like you'd expect a major burn victim to look, and he always seems humble and says he doesn't regret saving the people he saved... and you'll see lots of people saying how sweet he is and how he is a super-hero and all that.

What I never see, though... is a follow-up story later of how that guy is doing once the news story dies down. Are women going out with that guy? Even knowing he is kind and sweet and a damn super-hero who risked his life and caused himself irreparable harm to save someone else... I'd be really surprised if that guy has women lining up to date him.

I think I've heard of experimental face transplants... but I'm sure that's its own set of problems.

Basically, society is really biased against people who are different, however that difference manifests... so if you are ugly whether through birth, accident, or whatever... you are going to have a tough life. Even if you get so rich or invent something and become so famous to semi-overcome it... you'll always know people are with you for the money or the fame, and not because they actually love you.

I speak this truth because I live it.

 

[OvercastingClouds]

Yes I understand how you feel. I was treated differently all my life due to my appearance, I didn't realize at first until I started getting bullied in middle school about it and then I became insecure about the way I look. However I don't go out of my way to do anything because it's mainly due to face structure and features I can't change unless I get surgery.

I'm well aware I shouldn't compare myself to those I see online and what but I guess in the end I've subconsciously been doing it and I just feel constantly bad about how I look, comparing myself to my peers also. I've been led to believe I'm too ugly to have friends, nonetheless be considered attractive to someone.

I have ideas and fantasies in my head of going out and living, wearing cute outfits, taking photos, hanging with friends, stuff like that. I get the urge to want to try something but I remember how I look and realize it isn't worth it because my face will ruin it. It's really frustrating. I can barely stand looking at myself in the mirror. My face is the only physical thing I dislike about myself. I get uncomfortable being out in public, I feel fine when I'm at home and staying anonymous.

I'll admit I get a bit envious of others. Sometimes I wish I was prettier, at best average. Never got complimented. I was hoping one day I'd get a "glow up". I guess I gotta live with it.

 

[Wolf Girl]

Yes, I posted recently about losing my hair as a woman in my 30s. I don't have a good skull shape for it either, I'll look like a man, ugh. And wigs, omg, what a sensory nightmare and you can't do anything really active in them. It sucks. I feel like ctbing immediately if I think too much about my body at all

 

[Unknown21]

Fuck the genetic lottery. I feel for you.

 

[Nightfoot]

Most people aren't going to judge you as harshly as you judge yourself. Believe it or not, the so called beautiful people have issues, as well, such as often being judged as unintelligent, vain, spoiled or not taken seriously. The good news is looks matter less the older you get, as looks fade with age.

 

[Galam]

I found one of the better subs on reddit for us uglies, r/ugly.

I often read users there like poofpoofpow, LectureAccomplished8 and others. They are discriminated so much too.

I understand all biol. women there who are hated for looking like a dude and because they have disabilities. We are never the ones that receive love and friendship, support, money. We need it the most but many typical people make sure to exclude us.

 

[Dejected 55]

I understand all biol. women there who are hated for looking like a dude and because they have disabilities. We are never the ones that receive love and friendship, support, money. We need it the most but many typical people make sure to exclude us.

I don't think this gets talked about enough, but... I think there are two things happening in society as well.

1. People being unloved as they are.
2. People being hated, mistreated, etc. for who they are.

I think #1 is hard enough... to go through life for whatever reason being and feeling unloved. I know how that feels, and it is rough. Whatever the reason, even though nobody owes anyone love, we all need to be loved and it hurts and damages you not to get it.

But #2... far too often you aren't just unloved or ignored... far too often people seem to intentionally make things more difficult for you, for no real reason. Like, you don't have to love me at all but why do you have to abuse me or shun me or try to convince others to ignore me? Why do people go out of their way to be mean or cruel to others?

Even the ugly among us sometimes look at others and don't see them as attractive. It's not like all of us are saints either... and there are surely some mean as fuck ugly people and really nice pretty people... but, you don't have to be attracted to a particular person or "want" them or whatever to treat them with decency and humanity. There's never any reason to make someone feel like shit just for being perceived as unattractive... but it happens too much.

 

[Galam]

Yes, I posted recently about losing my hair as a woman in my 30s. I don't have a good skull shape for it either, I'll look like a man, ugh. And wigs, omg, what a sensory nightmare and you can't do anything really active in them. It sucks. I feel like ctbing immediately if I think too much about my body at all

Why do you lose your hair? Are you on r/femalehairloss
I suffer from androgenetic Alopezia since I am 12 or so and sebborroic dermatitis. I look horrible, many associate me with clowns or school shooter guys. But I started now with 30 iron and magnesium supplies, also minoxidil pills and spironolacton and my hairline seems to gets better. I was never bald but my forehead is very high and my hairline is male-pattern, near Joker from Arkham Knight. I assume many normal women have fear that I am a man.

They see me as predatory or show disgust towards me. Men look also aggressiv because my features are always more hermaphrodidic but in a ugly, incest-way it seems. I only had samesex feelings towards two pretty women and it is always the same type too. But they pretend to be straight and feel disgust for me. One was so passiv aggressiv, we had similar hands. You cannot believe how fast her nails got long as she reconized we had similar ones lol.
We never touched, but I am closer to this pick-me than her psychopathic nigel and her sons could be lol. Hands are some very special organs. I hope she thinks about me when she touches herself, and her family lol.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I don't think this gets talked about enough, but... I think there are two things happening in society as well.

1. People being unloved as they are.
2. People being hated, mistreated, etc. for who they are.

I think #1 is hard enough... to go through life for whatever reason being and feeling unloved. I know how that feels, and it is rough. Whatever the reason, even though nobody owes anyone love, we all need to be loved and it hurts and damages you not to get it.

But #2... far too often you aren't just unloved or ignored... far too often people seem to intentionally make things more difficult for you, for no real reason. Like, you don't have to love me at all but why do you have to abuse me or shun me or try to convince others to ignore me? Why do people go out of their way to be mean or cruel to others?

Even the ugly among us sometimes look at others and don't see them as attractive. It's not like all of us are saints either... and there are surely some mean as fuck ugly people and really nice pretty people... but, you don't have to be attracted to a particular person or "want" them or whatever to treat them with decency and humanity. There's never any reason to make someone feel like shit just for being perceived as unattractive... but it happens too much.

Yeah, it's nuts that people care so much about the appearance of people they're not even fucking. I've been a lot of different weights throughout my life and I can say for sure I'm treated WAYYY better as a thin woman than as a fat one. It sucks but it's true.

 

[Dejected 55]

Yeah, it's nuts that people care so much about the appearance of people they're not even fucking. I've been a lot of different weights throughout my life and I can say for sure I'm treated WAYYY better as a thin woman than as a fat one. It sucks but it's true.

I do know women get treated differently more often for appearance than men do. It's completely unfair either way, but definitely women seem to be expected to be more "perfect" than men are physically.

 

[HopeToStay]

Lookism is BRUTAL and i know as well as anyone as i have been on both sides of the coin in my life

I noticed over the years as i aged that nothing about my personality had changed, but gradually i was treated very differently. Once i was unique, now i am weird. Once i was enigmatic, now i am creepy. Once i was cocky/confident, now i am a surly. Once i didn't have to do anything to attract a string of women, now a girl would probably call the police if i approached her.

It's made me an exceptionally cynical and tbh bitter person. You kind of just realise how shallow humans are a really in spite of the pretenses (i don't exempt myself from that). And how futile it all is, how out of control you are.

I guess this isn't what the OP wanted to hear, but you could make a pretty good case that i would be a much happier person now if i was never handsome in my youth. Time makes us all ugly in the end.

 

[darksouls]

true greatness lies in the mind and a good heart is more important than physical appearance