Venting i am stuck here, Jesus let me out already

[ihatelifeandcoping]

so i am trans and i can't look like a woman so i am fucked and it won't get better, dysphoria is kinda my only issue, i am pretty suicidal and depressed daily but i also kinda really really want to live sometimes

i get daily bursts of being pretty depressed suicidal like 3-5 times a day but after they pass my mood lifts up pretty high and i kinda become 'happy' and i want to kinda keep living, though even when happy i am not really happy and i still want to go away

i want to die but dysphoria seems to not be enough to kill me, i can't really die but i can't really live and function either, i feel stuck and trapped here living, fun stuff, thanks god